


Understanding The Heathers

by pictureswithboxes



Series: Modern AU In Which The Heathers Are A Group Of Mean Lesbians And Veronica Feels Like Jane Goodall [1]
Category: Heathers (1988), Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, No JD
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:42:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 40,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28061121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pictureswithboxes/pseuds/pictureswithboxes
Summary: An alternate universe in which The Heathers are a popular group of mean lesbians who have adopted Veronica. She's basically like Jane Goodall studying the gorillas"The Heathers were perfect. They never really engaged with, or even bothered to acknowledge the other students at the school. The halls looked like Moses parting the Red Sea wherever The Heathers went. They never looked less than perfect, never a hair out of place. They didn’t treat other students with contempt, or go out of their way to hurt anyone’s feelings. They had nothing against anyone, but nothing for anyone either. It’d be like caring about the opinion of an ant to them. "
Relationships: Heather Chandler/Heather Duke, Heather Chandler/Heather Duke/Heather McNamara, Heather Chandler/Heather McNamara, Heather Duke/Heather McNamara
Series: Modern AU In Which The Heathers Are A Group Of Mean Lesbians And Veronica Feels Like Jane Goodall [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2090151
Comments: 40
Kudos: 74





	1. Some Jane Goodall Shit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) This does not take place in 1988, purely because I absolutely had to mention Cotton Eye Joe. This is a hill I will die on.
> 
> 2) This is not a retelling of the story, this chapter just is because I needed to get the ball rolling before some more Heather related absurdity happens.
> 
> 3) There either will be no JD or very little JD because I don't know how to characterize him without the murder aspect of his personality.

Sometimes the universe is a random and uncaring thing, it threw curveballs at someone, altering the trajectory of their lives as they knew it. Veronica Sawyer realized this on her fifth day of her senior year when she suddenly found herself getting made over by the most popular girls at Westerburg High, The Heathers. Somehow, some way, they deemed her, Veronica Sawyer, a total nobody, worthy enough to allow her to sit at their lunch table. The universe was funny that way. 

The Heathers were perfect. They never really engaged with, or even bothered to acknowledge the other students at the school. The halls looked like Moses parting the Red Sea wherever The Heathers went. They never looked less than perfect, never a hair out of place. They didn’t treat other students with contempt, or go out of their way to hurt anyone’s feelings. They had nothing against anyone, but nothing for anyone either. It’d be like caring about the opinion of an ant to them. 

Veronica had no idea how this had happened, just minutes ago, she was using the facilities when Ms. Fleming barged in and threatened the other girls with a week of detention. Now Veronica was sitting on the bathroom counter with Heather McNamara mere inches from her face, doing her makeup. The brush Heather McNamara was using for her blush was tickling Veronica’s cheeks, making her nose twitch a little. 

“Wow, Heather,” Heather Duke said, her voice taking on an effortlessly disinterested tone. “You’re doing a pretty good job, it looks really natural.”

“What did I say, Heather?” Heather Chandler said smugly, her arms were crossed over her chest as she watched Heather McNamara work. “She has good bone structure. Once we’re done here, I want you to work on her hair, Heather.”

“Got it.” Heather Duke nodded.

Veronica made a mental note to ask how the absolute hell Heather Duke knew that Heather Chandler was talking to her and not Heather McNamara. 

“Veronica, it’s super fun to put makeup on you.” Heather McNamara said in an almost far away tone, her eyes fixated on her work. “Your face is so symmetrical, if I took a meat cleaver down the center of your skull, I’d have matching halves. That’s very important.”

Veronica frowned and looked to Heather Duke and Heather Chandler, but their faces remained impassive. Heather Chandler had even nodded a little bit. What the hell was wrong with these girls?

“Done.” Heather McNamara straightened up and put her palette in Veronica’s bag. “Today was a rush job, but it’ll have to do. I’ll take my time this weekend.”

Heather Duke was up next, and, for some reason, kept a flat iron in her locker. 

“Why do you even keep that here...?” Veronica asked as Heather began to separate her hair into parts. 

“Because I’m not a fucking pillowcase.” Heather Duke replied as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

Veronica’s brow furrowed and her frown deepened when she saw the other two Heathers nodding along. 

These goddesses decided to adopt a lower life form like her, and now she felt like goddamn Jane Goodall trying to understand the apes.

* * *

Walking down the hallway with The Heathers was liberating, people watched Veronica’s every move. She didn’t have to push by anyone to get where she was going, people actually listened to what she had to say, at first Veronica thought it was because of the makeover, but that wasn’t exactly the case. Sure the makeover gave her more confidence, and being taught how to actually maintain it all certainly helps, but alone, people only noticed her. When she was in the group, people revered her. 

It felt good. No, better than good. Veronica felt untouchable and free. Even though she’d only been with them for three weeks, Veronica still wasn’t used to it. How could she be?

There were two lunch periods at Westerburg, A lunch and B lunch. When Veronica found out she had been assigned A lunch while her friend, Martha Dunnstock, had been assigned B lunch at the beginning of the year, Veronica was crushed. She’d thought that sitting alone would be the worst thing ever, but there weren’t enough tables in the cafeteria to sit at a table alone. Sitting at the end of a table full of people who didn’t really know or like her was much worse. 

Luckily, The Heathers found her. She sat with them in the center of the cafeteria, acutely aware of all the eyes on them. Veronica did her best to try and pretend not to notice, to look as cool as The Heathers did at any given time. But Veronica fidgeted, Heathers don’t fidget. They didn’t even look up when Ram Sweeney and Kurt Kelly came up to their table and invited them to a party at Ram's house.

Hell, Duke didn’t even look up from her book when Chandler accepted for the group.

Veronica felt her skin get hot and her neck became itchy. She’d never even been to a highschool party before, let alone one thrown by Ram Sweeney, and here she sat, being explicitly asked to make an appearance. Her usual crowd had never really crossed paths with the more popular kids, any gathering she’d gone to was like waiting in line for a Walgreens to open on a Sunday compared to the kinds of things kids like Ram and Kurt got up to. 

Could Veronica even handle that? She’d heard rumors about these kinds of parties. She heard that Kurt almost drowned to death in a fifty gallon barrel filled with jungle juice while ‘Cotton Eye Joe _’_ played so loudly that no one could hear him struggle and he had to drink his way out. It sounded fake when she’d heard it, but now with this party looming over her, it seemed plausible enough. 

“Something the matter, Veronica?” Heather McNamara asked, sounding concerned. “Your neck looks all splotchy. Are you not supposed to have peanuts or something?”

Veronica watched as Heather Duke tossed her peanut butter granola toward another table, still not looking up from her book.

“No, it’s nothing, Mac.” Veronica tried her best to look casual, ignoring the irritated look that crossed over Duke’s face after having just tossed out part of her lunch for no reason. “It’s just... Ram’s party doesn’t really seem like my kind of scene...”

She watched as The Heathers connected the dots in their heads, Duke and Mac turned to look at Chandler expectantly. 

The corner of Chandler’s lips quirked up in amusement. “You don’t have to come if you don’t want to.” She said after a moment. “But if you do want to go, it’s not as scary as you think it’s going to be.”

“Well... I heard Kurt almost died at one of Ram’s parties.” Veronica replied quietly. 

Duke let out a laugh and put her book aside. “Is this about the jungle juice?” She asked, sharing a glance with Mac. “Kurt loses his legs when he drinks and he fell face first into a trash can filled with jungle juice. The can tipped over and he ended up spilling it all over Ram’s basement. It ended up drying and he and Ram had to chisel it all off of the floor before Ram’s parents got home. He didn’t almost drown.”

“‘Cotton Eye Joe’ was playing though.” Mac supplied. 

“Oh...” Veronica had never felt this stupid. How could she believe this rumor? Why would they even have fifty gallons of booze? “Uh, these kinds of things just really weren’t my thing, but I do want to go. I just... Don’t know what to expect.”

“Well,” Chandler said after a moment of thought. “There will be drinking, probably some weed. No one really gets into fights like in the movies.”

“Don’t open any doors too quickly, especially if the lights are off.” Mac added with a laugh. “You might walk in on something you do _not_ want to see.”

“Give the pool a wide berth, especially after you’ve been drinking.” Duke said. “I’m not letting you in my car with wet clothes on, and you do not want to have to change at Ram’s house.”

“Plus, we’ll be there.” Chandler shrugged. “It’s not like you’d be alone with no one to talk to.”

“We can get ready at my house.” Mac grinned. “Oh! And I just got a new palette that I’ve been dying to try out on you, Heather.” She turned and looked at Duke. “There’s this really pretty green that’ll totally bring out your eyes.”

“Thanks Heather.” Duke replied. “We can go to my place after the party. My parents are visiting my aunt on Saturday, they’re leaving in the morning so they won’t notice if we’re feeling a little rough.”

“Sounds good.” Chandler looked at Veronica. “You’re sure you’re in?”

Veronica nodded. “Sure thing.”

“Great!” Chandler clapped her hands together once. “Trust me, it’ll be very.”

Veronica had heard The Heathers say this before, and she’d come to the conclusion that ‘very’ in that context meant good, great, and all around awesome. No one else at the school talked like The Heathers did, Veronica had taken to putting together a cipher so she could understand what they meant.

* * *

It was a cold September night, and yet Veronica felt like she was burning up. Ram’s party was in full swing when Veronica and The Heathers had arrived. The music was pumping, lights were flashing, there were three kegs, bottles of booze everywhere, everyone from school, who wasn’t a Freshman, was in attendance, and it smelled like a burning skunk. Logically, Veronica knew that the smell was weed, but she couldn’t help but wrinkle her nose. 

Kurt was running around, handing out jello shots to anyone with empty hands. Which was how Veronica got to take her first ever taste of alcohol at a highschool party. She watched as The Heathers lifted their cups to their lips, tipped their heads back, and swallowed their respective shots in one go before tossing the empty cups to the side. 

Veronica mirrored their motion, wincing a little at the sour taste at first. Then the rest of the shot came sliding out, hitting her in the face. It surprised her so much that she let the rest of the shot fall to the floor. 

“Kurt can’t make jello shots to save his life.” Duke said, glancing down at the jello on the floor. “Does he know he’s supposed to keep them cool when he makes them?”

“Doubt it, but at least he tries.” Mac shrugged as they moved toward the bar station. “Let’s get real drinks.”

“Oh let’s pop Veronica’s tequila cherry.” Chandler grinned, linking arms with Veronica and pulling her forward. “It goes salt, shot, then lime. And you have to do it quick or it’ll suck.”

“Salt. Shot. Lime.” Veronica nodded, repeating the instructions under her breath like it was her mantra, while the other two Heathers got everything set up.

“Lick your hand.” Duke said once they got to the bar, tapping the back of Veronica’s hand. 

“What?” Veronica asked. There was no way Heather Duke just told her to lick her hand. That was not a normal request.

Duke rolled her eyes and licked her own thumb before wiping the it onto the back of Veronica’s hand. “It’s so the salt sticks to your hand.” She said, sprinkling salt onto the back of Veronica’s hand. “See?”

“So you lick the salt.” Chandler said, licking the back of her own hand. “Pound the shot.” She lifted a shot glass that Mac had filled to her lips and downed it quickly. “Then the lime.” She grabbed a lime wedge off the counter and sucked it hard, before slamming the glass down on the bar. 

The other two Heathers followed Chandler’s lead and easily took their shots. 

“See? Not too hard.” Chandler smiled. 

“When you take a shot, take a deep breath in and hold it.” Mac offered in a helpful tone. “Then let it out once you swallow the booze. It helps make it go down smooth.” 

“So you hold your breath when you swallow?” Ram’s voice boomed as he approached, teetering a little bit. “Is that just shots, or are we talking about something else too?” He grabbed his crotch obscenely. 

Mac rolled her eyes and ignored him. 

“You’ve got this, Veronica.” Chandler clapped her on the back. 

Veronica nodded. She licked the salt. Then her mind blanked somehow. Was it lime or shot next. Lime or shot? Veronica froze for what felt like a solid thirty minutes before blindly grabbing the lime and sucking the juice before holding her breath and doing the shot. It tasted worse than literally anything she’d ever put in her mouth. Veronica struggled to swallow it down, spluttering a little and gasping for air. 

“It was salt, lime, then shot, right?” Veronica asked. Her stomach was already feeling warmer, and that warmth was spreading a little bit. 

“You did it wrong.” Chandler said bluntly. She looked a little annoyed. But Veronica was hoping that it was due to Ram’s presence. 

“You know, Veronica...” He said, leaning against the counter and grinning lecherously. “There’s another way you can do tequila shots...” 

Duke and Chandler shook their heads at Veronica, silently telling her not to ask him to elaborate. 

“It’s called a body shot.” Ram continued despite the girls’ clear annoyance. 

“Did someone say body shots?!” Kurt demanded, pushing forward and looking eager as hell. 

“Heather.” Chandler sighed. She brought her lips to Mac’s ear and whispered something that Veronica could not catch. 

Mac giggled and winked at Duke, who rolled her eyes. 

Veronica furrowed her brow and looked around. A small crowd of guys started to form, most of them were hooting and hollering. Her eyes widened as she watched Duke tilt her head to the side and allow Mac to lick from her clavicle to just below her jawline while Chandler salted the stripe Mac had just licked. 

“What the-” Veronica muttered to herself as Duke perched herself on the counter, put a lime wedge in her mouth, and looked at Mac expectantly. 

“Don’t talk during the movie, Veronica.” Chandler said, watching the other two intently. 

The crowd of boys cheered loudly as Heather McNamara put her hands on Heather Duke’s knees, parting her legs enough so that she could stand between them. She slowly licked the salt off Duke’s neck, going a little higher than the salt trail and nipping Duke’s ear as well, before taking the shot that Chandler had ready, and downing it in one go. Veronica’s mouth went dry when Mac connected her lips with Duke’s, she was sure that Mac was supposed to suck the juice out of the lime wedge, not make out with Duke around the lime wedge. 

Veronica had no idea how long they carried on like this before Mac pulled away from Duke with the lime wedge between her teeth, the both of them looked out of breath. She didn’t move from between Duke’s legs, which had now wrapped around Mac’s waist, choosing instead to turn her head toward the crowd and wink at the boys before tossing the lime wedge to the side. Mac leaned up and ghosted her lips over Duke’s. With her face that close to Duke’s, Mac took her thumb and wiped the little bit of smudged lipstick at the corner of Duke’s mouth away before booping her nose. 

“Ho-ly shit!” Kurt exclaimed loudly, throwing his arms into the air. “That was so hot! Duke and Mac ‘n Cheese are ho-o-ot!”

Veronica swallowed hard, suddenly realizing how dry her mouth felt. She felt warmer too, but that had to be the booze, it had nothing to do with watching her two friends make out. And she’d heard that weed gave people dry mouth, maybe secondhand smoke did it too. That had to be it.

“What... uh...” Veronica couldn’t find the words. “What was... that...?”

“Body shot.” Chandler said with a shrug as the crowd started to disperse. 

“But why...?” Veronica asked. She still felt out of breath. 

“Why not?” Chandler replied, taking another jello shot from Kurt and downing it. “They’re hot girls and it’s a party.”

“Aw, thanks Heather.” Mac grinned, helping Duke hop down from the counter. “You’re hot too!” 

“You two sure know how to put on a show.” Ram all but purred, putting his hands on Duke’s waist. “Would you be open to some... audience participation? I’d love to get in the middle of your guy’s sandwich.” He winked at Mac.

“And I’ll make sure you and Heather don’t get lonely while they’re gone...” Kurt added, there was a glint in his eye that Veronica did not like in the least. “Maybe we can go somewhere more private?”

“Get off me, jackass!” Duke pulled away and began to adjust her clothes, smoothing out any wrinkles before storming away from Ram. 

Chandler and Mac each grabbed one of Veronica’s arms and pulled her away from the boys, trailing behind Duke. 

“Keep your hands to yourself.” Chandler snapped, her tone leaving no room for discussion. “You got your little show, and that’s all you’re getting from us.”

Duke led them outside, and Veronica was thrilled to at least get some semi fresh air. 

“Let’s give them a couple minutes to cool off before we head in.” Chandler said, glaring back at the house and letting go of Veronica’s arm. “Fucking neanderthals think that we’re into them... Disgusting.”

“If Ram touches me again tonight, I’m tearing his goddamn fucking hands off.” Duke grumbled, crossing her arms. “I mean it, Heather.” She moved away from Mac, who had tried to comfort her and looked at Chandler dangerously. 

“If you tear off his hands, I’ll feed them to him.” Chandler replied in an even tone. “Same goes for Kurt.”

Duke cracked a smile and began to laugh, causing the other two to dissolve in laughter. 

Veronica watched this happen. How on earth did they, the most popular girls in school, not want attention from the most popular boys? By all accounts it didn’t make sense. That’s what happened at school right? The popular kids were supposed to pair up, right?

“I’m confused.” Veronica said, earning questioning looks from her friends. “Every other girl that this school would’ve creamed in their panties if Kurt and Ram talked to them liked that, and you guys are grossed out. Why?”

“There is so much wrong with that statement.” Duke sneered, looking pissed. 

“Just because other people are into Kurt and Ram doesn’t mean we have to be.” Mac added with a small frown, putting a hand on Duke’s shoulder. 

“Also, we’re gay.” Chandler finished. “So there’s a biological reason for us not being into these creeps. You know, besides them being disgusting creeps.”

“Wait, you guys are... lesbians?” Veronica found herself whispering the last word. “All three of you? Since when?”

“First off, it’s not a bad word.” Chandler replied harshly, taking Veronica aback. “It’s not.” She repeated, this time directing it to Mac and Duke, who both had their eyes at a downcast. Veronica frowned at that, they both looked almost ashamed. And Veronica did that to them. 

“Second of all, yes, all three of us. And lastly, it’s kind of a life long condition, so I’d say since birth.” Chandler continued. “So if our... condition, for lack of a better word, upsets you, then please let us know so we can-”

“It doesn’t upset me.” Veronica said quickly. 

“What?” Now Chandler looked taken aback. 

“I was surprised, of course, but that’s my own fault, I guess.” Veronica said, her face feeling hotter than it had when Mac and Duke were doing their shot. “I shouldn’t have assumed anything, and that’s what I did. Just like before we were friends, I assumed that you were mean. But I was wrong, and I shouldn’t have just decided who you guys were without even knowing you. So... I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Mac said immediately, flashing Veronica a smile.

“Right.” Duke sighed, crossing her arms and looking disinterested now. But this time it was a little forced. 

“You’re forgiven.” Chandler replied, but her eyes were still sharp. “But be careful with how you talk about this subject.”

Veronica would never guess that she could possibly say something that might strike this kind of cord with The Heathers. It was odd. And it was terrifying. 

“Isn’t that your friend, Martha?” Chandler said suddenly, gesturing to the entrance to the house. “I thought you said she wasn’t coming...”

“That’s what she told me.” Veronica shrugged, turning to The Heathers. “I’m gonna go say hi, I’ll catch up with you guys.”

“Have fun.” Mac said. She paused for a moment. “And you guys should stay out of the basement, Ram likes to have porn play on a projector screen down there. It gets really... messy down there...”

“I don’t know why straight men think that porn is a group activity...” Duke sneered. 

“A bunch of guys jacking it together seems pretty gay to me, and I’m kind of an expert on that stuff.” Chandler laughed.

“Ew.” Veronica scowled and started to walk away. “Thanks for lookin’ out...”

Veronica pushed through the crowd of people, taking a moment to get a red solo cup full of beer, before she made it to Martha. She took a sip of her drink and scowled at the taste. Why the hell did people like this crap? It was horrific.

“Martha!” Veronica exclaimed with a smile. “I thought you said you weren’t coming?”

“I wasn’t going to, but then Ram came to the lunch table and invited me!” Martha grinned. “And I’ve never been specifically asked to go to a party. So I decided to come, and I brought sparkling cider.” Martha held out a bottle. “So I can safely drive home whenever I need to leave.”

“You’re so responsible.” Veronica replied, taking another drink from her red solo cup. It didn’t taste quite so bad anymore. “I had tequila and half a jello shot.”

“Half?”

“The other half fell on my face.” 

Martha giggled a little. “Well, I’m glad you’re having fun.”

“Oh! And Kurt Kelly totally hit on me.”

“Wow!”

“Yeah, weird right?” 

“Are The Heathers okay with you talking to me?”

Veronica finished her beer and frowned. “Why wouldn’t they be?”

“I don’t know, they just seem like they’d be a little... exclusive...”

“They know that I was your friend first, and they don’t have anything against you. Don’t worry about them.” 

Martha nodded and glanced around. “I’ll catch up with you later, okay? I want to go thank Ram for inviting me!”

“Yeah, go nuts.” Veronica replied. “But if he’s in the basement, don’t go down there, okay?”

“.... Okay...?” Martha looked confused before giving Veronica a quick hug and running off. 

So there Veronica stood, a popular girl at a popular boy’s party. She never could’ve dreamt this up. She went to the keg and got another beer, taking a moment to breathe and look around. It was less chaotic outside than it was inside, sure the music was still playing, but they weren’t crammed together like sardines. And the air was fresh... Well fresher than it was inside.

Veronica bopped a little to the music and sipped her beer. Her mind was racing a little. She just found out a huge... secret? about the three most popular girls in school, and watched two of them make out. Veronica’s heart started to pound a little at the thought of Mac and Duke absolutely going to town on each other on that counter. Her brow furrowed and her cheeks heated up, 

This had to be because she was drunk. And if not, it was definitely a problem for sober Veronica.

“Hey Veronica!” Mac said excitedly as she bounced over to Veronica’s side with a cup in her hand. “You’re having fun, right?”

“Yeah, definitely.” Veronica nodded with a smile. “I never thought a highschool party would be like this. I’ve only ever seen them in movies and I figured there’d be a lot more sex and fighting. And teasing nerds. And also I thought someone would die.”

Mac laughed a little. “Well, there is a lot of hooking up going on, just don’t go upstairs...” She rolled her eyes good naturedly. “I went into the bathroom earlier and damn, it was a situation in there.”

“A situation?” Veronica frowned. “Is everyone okay?”

“Oh, they’re more than okay.” Mac replied, biting her lip. “But there’s a lot of uh... back door... stuff going on in there.”

Veronica connected the dots and felt her face turning bright red. “Oh... Oh my. At a party?”

Mac shrugged. “Ram said anything goes. People are gonna start getting naked and jumping into the pool.”

“Oh...” 

“Yeah. I’m not about to do that though, it is way too cold for skinny dipping. I can see my own breath!” 

“Right...” Veronica nodded. 

“Plus,” Chandler said as she and Duke sidled up next to them. “Ram already took his shirt off and his nipples are so hard right now, I bet they could cut glass.” 

“Now that would be a sight,” Duke added with a laugh. She had a solo cup in each hand and extended one toward Veronica. “Rum and Diet Coke. We figured you’d want one.” 

“It’s better with Diet Coke.” Mac said. “It gets you drunker than with regular.” 

“It’s because it has less sugar.” Chandler supplied. 

Veronica took the cup from Duke and took a sip. Why did everything have to taste so bad? “How much have you guys had to drink? I keep seeing you with cups and you’ve taken shots, but you guys don’t look nearly as messy as anyone else here.”

“It’s all about moderation. No one wants to be the drunk girl puking at a party.” Chandler said, watching as people started to jump into the pool. “I think we’ve made our appearance, ladies, are we ready to motor?”

“Aw, I was looking forward to more body shots.” Mac pouted a little, making Veronica and Duke’s cheeks turn red. 

“I’m sure no one will notice the tequila going missing.” Duke replied with a smirk. “Besides, my parents have an early morning tomorrow, so they’re totally in bed. It could be more fun to do them... privately.”

Veronica frowned and looked over at Chandler, who was just sipping her drink and watching them. Was this supposed to be a private moment? Should Veronica leave? Why does Chandler get to watch? 

“You don’t have shot glasses though...” Mac continued, she was almost purring as she moved closer to Duke. “We’d have to come up with a solution.”

“I happen to know that I have a pretty deep navel.” Duke leaned closer to Mac. 

Chandler rolled her eyes and cleared her throat loudly. “Okay, ladies, it’s time to go before _some people_ decide to fuck on Ram’s lawn.” She snapped her fingers and gestured to them. “And let’s try keeping it in our pants when Veronica is around, yeah? She didn’t sign up to watch you both do...” She gestured to the both of them. “Whatever that is.”

“Sorry, Veronica.” The other two muttered, both taking a step away from the other. 

“Don’t worry about it, guys.” Veronica waved them off. “I’m gonna say goodbye to Martha before we leave though, cool?”

“Sure thing.” Chandler nodded. “Let’s meet up by the front door in ten-”

“Fifteen” Duke coughed.

Chandler rolled her eyes. “Jesus Christ, do you plan on cuddling after?” She sneered before letting out an annoyed sigh. “Fine, fifteen minutes. Sound good?”

“Sounds great!” Mac grabbed Duke’s arm and pulled her toward the house. “Let’s go find a closet.”

“Are they dating?” Veronica asked as she watched them leave.

“No. They just fuck at parties.” Chandler shrugged. “I’ll see you in a little bit.” She headed off in the same direction as the other two.

Veronica let out a little laugh. She still had a lot to learn about The Heathers. 

And why did part of her want to check out what was going on in that closet? 

She really was a fucking Jane Goodall, wasn’t she?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, the jello shots were color coded.


	2. Hangovers Among Other Things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here comes some original ideas, as promised.

The thing about Heather Duke’s house that Veronica found she hated the most had to be that the guest bedroom had enormous windows that faced the east, making it easy for the sun to shine through the blinds that Veronica hadn’t thought to close the night before and right into her eyes. The sunlight did not help with the pounding in her head in the least. 

Veronica winced and sat up, immediately regretting that decision. She felt her stomach drop and head begin to spin, and then it felt like something was going to come up. Veronica clapped a hand over her mouth and sprang out of bed, her legs didn’t want to cooperate with her at first, making her stumble the first few steps she took. Luckily, she made it to the bathroom before she puked her guts out. 

“That was close.” Veronica groaned after a few seconds, she leaned against the wall beside the toilet and let out a sigh. 

So this was why Duke said they could recover at her place. If Veronica’s parents saw her like this, they’d either take her to the hospital or spend the next six years lecturing her about responsibility. The thought made Veronica want to vomit. Again.

“Don’t flush that toilet.” Mac’s voice cut through Veronica’s daze. It felt like a screwdriver in the ear. 

“Wha-” Veronica looked up at Mac and was immediately confused. 

She knew for a fact that Mac had drank at least as much as Veronica had, and here she was, standing in the bathroom doorway, looking surprisingly well put together. She was even wearing yellow pajamas. Did The Heathers keep spare clothes at each other’s houses? Of course they would. And here Veronica was in yesterday’s clothes looking like a drowned rat in a wig. 

“Heather’s still sleeping.” Mac whispered, wrinkling her nose when the smell no doubt hit her. “And you do not want to wake her up right now, she gets really cranky when she has a hangover.” 

“Normally, I’d try to use context clues to figure out who the fuck you were talking about, but I need you to just spell it out for me.” Veronica found herself snapping. Her head hurt and she absolutely did not have the mental faculties to figure all this out. She’d feel bad about snapping at Mac later. “Which Heather are you talking about? And how the hell can you guys tell yourselves apart?”

“Well, Heather usually wears green...” Mac replied, entering the bathroom completely and holding out a water bottle to Veronica. “And Heather has reddish blonde hair, so that’s easy too. Also I’m me, so it’s like, I only have to tell two apart. Plus, they both are very different people so I usually know what I’m talking about.”

Veronica sent Mac a withering look as she grabbed the water bottle from her. “Please, just tell me why I have to leave my puke in Heather’s toilet.”

“Heather Chandler gets really cranky when she’s hungover, so we can’t wake her up.” Mac said, opening the medicine cabinet and pulling out a bottle of aspirin. “Take some of these, it’ll help.”

“Why aren’t you hungover?” Veronica asked, accepting the pills that Mac offered. She popped a couple into her mouth and washed them down with the water. “You took like four shots out of Heather Duke’s belly button alone.”

Mac’s cheeks turned a little red as she sat down beside Veronica. She took a moment to push Veronica’s hair out of her eyes. “Well, for one, I hydrated. And two, I made sure to eat some carbs. And three, I did not do four shots out of Heather’s belly button!”

Veronica may not remember going to bed that night, but she definitely remembered watching Duke and Mac do body shots off of each other. 

“Right... Three shots off her then. The fourth doesn’t count because you skipped the shot and went straight for the lime.” Veronica rolled her eyes. 

Mac looked at Veronica for a long moment, her jaw clenched. 

“Are we not supposed to talk about that?” Veronica asked, taking another sip of her water. 

“Not really.” Mac said, her voice cracking a little as she stood up. “Heather... Duke and I will be downstairs if you need us. Try not to linger near the downstairs guest room, okay? Heather Chandler is in there, and I mean it, she’s gonna be cranky if you wake her up. And even though we like you, Heather Duke and I won’t protect you.”

“Protect me?” Veronica asked, taking another drink. “From what? What could Heather possibly do to me? Unhinge her jaw and swallow me like she’s an anaconda?” 

Mac wrinkled her nose. “You’d be surprised. Her angry voice could shatter glass and she says pretty mean stuff when she’s hungover.” She lowered her voice a little. “Kind of like you do.”

Veronica bit her lip and pretended she didn’t hear that. It seemed like the best thing to do. “Does this just go away?” She gestured vaguely at her head and stomach. 

“Yeah, just drink water.” Mac shrugged. “Plus, Heather’s making eggs and toast right now. You should really come down and eat, it’ll only make you feel better.” 

“I don’t think I want to ever eat again.” Veronica grumbled, spitting into the toilet before standing up. 

“At least try.” Mac urged with a small smile. “And be quiet, Heather is the worst after parties.”

Veronica followed Mac down the stairs and into the kitchen, falling onto one of the chairs near the kitchen island. 

“Good morning.” Duke grumbled as she moved the eggs around in the pan. “How’d you sleep?”

Veronica just groaned and leaned her head against the surface of the kitchen island. 

“That bad, huh?” Duke continued, Veronica could hear a smile in her tone. “You’ll feel better once you’ve had some food.”

“Is this your first hangover?” Mac asked, setting a mug of coffee next to Veronica’s head. 

Veronica nodded. “First time drinking too.”

“Did you have fun?” Mac’s voice was soft and excited. “You looked like you were having fun.”

“Yeah, I had fun.” Veronica shrugged. “Not something I’m used to though. How do you do this every weekend?”

“We don’t do this every weekend.” Duke scoffed, making Veronica look up at her. “You’d think you’d be over assuming shit about us at this point.” She put a plate down in front of Veronica. “We’re not a group of drunk, boy crazed idiots. Heather’s the captain of the cheer team, I’m head of the yearbook, and Heather is the senior class rep to the PTA. We’d never get anything done if all we did was booze it up.”

Veronica averted her eyes. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know.” 

“Whatever.” Duke rolled her eyes. “Now eat your food before it gets cold.”

Veronica began to nibble on her toast, it made her stomach turn at first, but as she powered through, it began to feel better. “Thank you for the breakfast.” She said quietly, looking at Mac and Duke. “How long have you guys been up?”

“Well, it’s like ten right now, so...” Mac thought for a moment. “I woke up first at like eight, then I woke Heather up like half an hour later.”

“Jesus Christ.” Veronica groaned. “You’re not human.”

Duke took a sip of her coffee and smiled a little. “Did you have fun at your first party?”

Veronica nodded once and froze. That was a bad choice. Suddenly, Veronica’s stomach lurched and she felt like she was going to vomit. Again. She pushed herself away from the kitchen island roughly. She took a couple of deep breaths and found herself feeling a little less nauseous. 

“Don’t forget to drink your water.” Mac said softly. 

Veronica blindly reached for her water, only for her hand to sweep up against the coffee mug that Mac had set near her, effectively knocking it off the counter, sending it hurtling toward the floor. It landed on the floor with a loud crash, the mug shattering completely and leaving a huge puddle of coffee among the broken ceramic. 

“I am so sorry.” Veronica mumbled. 

“Shut the fuck up.” Duke hissed, putting a finger to her lips. 

“Wha-” Veronica was cut off by a loud yell.

“What the absolute fuck is going on?!?” Came the angry voice of Heather Chandler. 

“What is going on?” Veronica turned to the other two, only to see them scrambling toward the door. 

“We’ll be in the car!” Mac called over her shoulder while Duke dragged her out the door. 

“We’re not sorry.” Duke added. 

Veronica stood there, frozen in place in a home that wasn’t hers, with a pounding headache and her stomach doing flips while Chandler stomped into the hall. She’d never been more confused and terrified in her life, that is until she got a full view of Chandler and noticed what she was wearing. It was a red kimono. 

“Good morning...” Veronica offered Chandler a small wave. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you... I just knocked over my mug and didn’t realize you were such a light sleeper.”

Chandler looked angry, sick, and dangerous all at once as she fully entered the kitchen. “Where are Heather and Heather?” She asked, her voice rough. 

“They’re hiding in the car.” Veronica squeaked, averting her gaze. She had a feeling that eye contact would just make things worse for her. 

“Pussies.” Chandler grumbled, turning her back to Veronica to open one of Duke’s cabinets. 

Veronica used that moment to run out of the house. She sprinted toward Duke’s Jeep despite her body’s protests. She made it to the Jeep and gripped the handle, only to realize that the door was locked, and that both Duke and Mac were watching her from inside the car. Veronica pounded on the driver side window. 

“Heather, Heather, open the door.” Veronica sighed. 

“Oh no, oh no, no, no, no.” Duke and Mac both shook their heads, and Duke pointed to the doorway, where Chandler was standing. Looking terrifying. 

“Open the door!” Veronica demanded. “Mac is in the drivers’ seat and she can’t drive, there’s nowhere for you both to go! Please! I don’t want to find out why I’m so afraid of Heather right now!”

Duke rolled her eyes and unlocked the rear driver side door. “Get in, quick.” She snapped as if _she_ were the one running for her life. 

Veronica dove into the backseat and made sure the door was locked securely. 

“Heather, switch seats with me, we’re going to the 7-11.” Duke continued, shoving her keys in the ignition. 

Veronica watched as Duke and Mac awkwardly swapped seats before looking over at Chandler, who was watching them like a hawk. 

“Why are we going to 7-11?” Veronica asked as Duke began to drive off, despite Mac not being completely in the passenger seat. 

“Corn nuts.” Mac said simply. 

“Corn nuts?” Veronica repeated. 

“Corn nuts.” Mac and Duke said together. 

“Why?” Veronica groaned. “Why the hell are we getting corn nuts from the 7-11?”

“Because you broke my fucking mug and woke Heather up and now we have two options.” Duke grumbled. “Either we can feed her some god damn corn nuts-”

“They have to be B-Q.” Mac chipped in. 

“Right, B-Q corn nuts,” Duke nodded. “Or we can feed her some drain cleaner. Those are the only two ways to keep her from being an absolute terror right now.”

“So the options are corn nuts or murder?” Veronica couldn’t believe this.

“Well, next time you’ll think twice before you break my fucking mug!” Duke snapped. 

Veronica had known these girls for almost a month and every single thing that came out of their mouths was absurd as hell. The worst part was that she was starting to accept it as normal. 

* * *

Entering the school on the Monday morning after Ram’s party had Veronica feeling more powerful than she’d ever thought herself capable. Of course she wasn’t quite at the same level as Duke, Mac, and Chandler, but still, as she walked through the halls, the sea of students parted for her just like they did for The Heathers. Just like the Red Sea did for Moses. 

She made it to her locker in record time, probably due to the fact that she didn’t have to shove past anyone. Martha was already at her locker, which was right next to Veronica’s, looking happier than anyone had any right to look on a Monday morning. Veronica offered her a small smile as she approached. 

“Hi Veronica!” Martha grinned. “How was your weekend?”

“It was great.” Veronica rolled her eyes as she opened her locker. “I had the _pleasure_ of watching Heather McNamara nail Heather Chandler with a pack of B-Q corn nuts from fifty feet while Heather Duke and I hid in a nearby bush drinking slurpees. And I had my first ever hangover, which in hindsight wasn’t too bad now that I think of it. How about you?”

“I guess I can’t compete with that.” Martha shrugged. “I did some homework and watched The Princess Bride.”

“Nice.” Veronica said, tossing her backpack into her locker and grabbing her calculus book. 

They chatted idly for a little bit before Martha went quiet and tried to sneakily point over Veronica's shoulder. 

Veronica turned around, fighting the urge to tell Martha that anyone with eyes could see her gesturing like that, and noticed that Kurt Kelly was making his way over toward her. She took a moment to look around and see if there was anyone more interesting that he could possibly want to talk to before offering him a small half wave. Kurt returned it, making Veronica’s stomach flutter a little. 

“Hey Veronica.” Kurt greeted, leaning his shoulder against the lockers in a practiced nonchalance. “I saw you at Ram’s party on Friday, hope you had a lot of fun. Too bad you left before I could get to know you a little better.”

This was the first one on one with Kurt that Veronica had ever had. “Oh yeah, too bad I guess.” Veronica shrugged. 

“Yeah things were just starting to get interesting.” Kurt smirked a little at that. 

Veronica vaguely remembered that people were starting to get naked in Ram’s pool when she and The Heathers left. “Oh yeah?”

Kurt laughed. “Yeah.” He nodded. “I didn’t know those parties were really your scene, it was nice to see you let your hair down for a little bit.”

She had no idea had to respond to that, she’d never had any kind male attention before, let alone from someone like Kurt Kelly. Her cheeks turned a little red. 

Kurt seemed to notice and leaned a little closer. “Maybe I could pick you up on Saturday? We can grab dinner, and you know... see where it goes from there?”

“Yeah, sure.” Veronica nodded. How could she possibly say no to Kurt Kelly. 

Kurt grinned and winked at Veronica. “It’s a date, I’ll pick you up at seven.” He pushed himself off the locker and disappeared down the hall. 

“Did Kurt Kelly just ask you out?” Martha asked in an awed tone. 

“I think so.” Veronica nodded.

“And did you say yes?” 

“I think so.”

* * *

“So you’re going on a date this Saturday.” Heather Chandler said as Veronica sat down at the lunch table. “With Kurt.”

“I think so.” Veronica nodded. 

“Are you excited?” Mac asked with a smile. “What are you gonna wear?”

“I think I’m excited.” Veronica nodded. “And I really don’t know what I’m gonna wear, do you guys think you could help me out with that?”

“Do you know what you’re doing?” Duke asked, pulling her book out of her bag.

“Not really.” Veronica shrugged. “He said he’d pick me up at seven and that was really it.”

“Why do guys think that everything is suddenly more romantic when it’s a surprise?” Chandler groaned. “No amount of surprise will make a guy trying to cop a feel in the back of a movie theater romantic.”

Veronica laughed a little at that. “He said something about dinner, I guess. But it seemed like he had something else planned too. I just don’t really know what to wear on a first date. I’ve never really been on a date before, what the hell am I gonna do?”

“You’re going to go shopping with us.” Chandler replied in a matter of fact tone, leaving no room for argument. “Heather has cheer practice, Heather has yearbook, and I have a budget thing, so we’ll pick you up when we’re done. Be ready.” 

And that was the end of that conversation. 

* * *

Veronica sat on her bed, staring at her closet and trying to figure out what she was going to wear on her trip to figure out what she was going to wear on her date. Logically, she knew it shouldn’t be this complicated and that she shouldn’t have to try so hard to impress them. But there was a small, nagging voice in the back of her head that reminded her that she wasn’t a full fledged member of the group. She was still a Veronica among Heathers, whatever a Veronica was, anyway.

“VERONICA!” Came a shriek, not unlike the wail of an ambulance. Though, maybe a little more urgent with it being Heather Chandler’s voice. The shriek was followed by several honks from a car horn. 

It was at that moment that Veronica decided she would simply go shopping in her school clothes. 

“Veronica!” Veronica’s mother called. “Your friends are here for you. They sound... excited. Let’s not keep them waiting, then. No need to scare the neighbors.” 

“VERONICA! GET OUT HERE!” Heather Chandler shouted again, the car horn was now continually blaring with one long honk.

“You know, I can’t seem to remember their names.” Her mother continued when Veronica exited her bedroom and headed down the stairs. 

“It’s Heather.” Veronica replied simply, grabbing her purse.

“There are three of them... What about the others?” 

“Those are Heather and Heather. They’re all Heather.” 

“Oh... Well what’re the odds?”

Veronica shrugged and opened the front door to see Duke’s green Jeep sitting in the driveway. Chandler was in the front, passenger seat, at least in theory she was. She was leaning over Duke, her head was out the driver side window and she was honking the horn aggressively while Duke sat with her hands clapped over her ears. She almost looked annoyed.

“You know, I could’ve just gone and knocked.” Mac said to Chandler as Veronica approached.

“It’s more fun this way, Heather.” Chandler shrugged as she moved back into her seat. 

Veronica climbed into the car. “You know, my parents are going to start thinking that this is less of a friendship and more of a hostage situation.”

The Heathers simply ignored her. 

“Okay, so we’re going to the mall.” Chandler said to Duke. “Let’s go.”

“I still think that the plaza is a better idea.” Duke replied, putting the car in reverse. 

“Shut up, Heather.” Chandler said quickly. “We’ve been over this. Yes, the plaza has more quality stores. But the mall has more options, which we need because Kurt didn’t tell Veronica what they’re doing. So we need to get like, three different outfits for her to choose from when Kurt inevitably lets slip part of his plan.”

“I’m doing her makeup!” Mac chipped in excitedly. 

“We know, Heather.” Chandler replied. 

“What was that about three different outfits?” Veronica asked as Duke pulled out of the driveway. 

Chandler sighed. “The things you don’t know could fill a book, Veronica.”

* * *

Shopping with The Heathers was not unlike how Veronica pictured great generals preparing for battle. Like everything they did, this trip was perfectly coordinated with each Heather knowing their job beforehand and somehow managing to confuse and impress Veronica. They were in and out in record time, and the weirdest part was that Heather Chandler insisted that she pay for everything. 

“You know, it’s kind of funny that a group of lesbians are helping you get ready for a date with a boy.” Mac said while they were on their way home.

Chandler laughed at that. “You know what, I didn’t even think of that.”

“That’s because you-” 

Before Duke could finish her statement, there was a popping sound and the car suddenly jerked. The sudden movement caused Veronica and Mac to fly forward, Veronica hit her head on the back of Duke’s seat while Mac seemed able to control her trajectory a bit better and managed to catch herself. After a moment, Duke pulled off onto the shoulder, looking frustrated as she put on the parking brake and hopped out of the car. 

“Whatever we hit busted my stupid tire.” Duke announced. “Heather, grab the spare, I know how to fix it.”

“Seriously, Heather.” Chandler rolled her eyes as Mac got out of the Jeep and headed toward the back. “How did you even get a license. It’s like you’re driving with your eyes closed. Heather could do better than that.”

“Are you kidding me?” Duke snapped. “We wouldn’t be in this mess if we’d just gone to the plaza like I wanted, and now here we are, sitting on the side of the road. This is your fault!”

“Oh it’s my fault that you never learned how to fucking drive?” Chandler unbuckled and climbed out of the car. 

Maybe if Veronica was still and quiet enough, neither Heather would notice her and she’d be able to fly under the radar. 

“No, it’s your fault we even took this road!”

They were officially yelling at each other now, Veronica turned and looked out the window as they had their shouting match. She made eye contact with Mac, who simply shook her head quickly as stood off to the side. Veronica watched as the argument grew more and more heated until finally Duke leaned into the car and pulled a book out of the glove box. 

“Well, if you think you can fix this by yourself, be my fucking guest!” Duke snapped, tucking the book under her arm and exiting the car again. “I’m just gonna sit here and read my god damn book, and I’ll help you when you’re ready to apologize!”

Mac was more likely to lay an egg and fly off before Chandler ever apologizes. 

“Veronica, get out here and help us!” Chandler demanded, making Veronica jump. 

“I got the spare, Heather!” Mac announced while Veronica got out of the Jeep. 

“Good.” Chandler nodded, pausing for a moment to think. “Now we need the jack and the tire... wrench thing” 

“Those are in the trunk.” Mac replied, heading toward the back of the Jeep. “I’ll go get them.” 

“Do you know anything about changing a tire?” Veronica asked, looking at Chandler with a frown. 

“How hard could it possibly be?” Chandler rolled her eyes. “We lift up the car, Heather goes underneath to unscrew the wheel, we replace it, then Heather can drive us all home and apologize for endangering all of us.” 

“That doesn’t sound right.” Veronica replied, she vaguely remembered her father trying to teach her how to change a tire. “I don’t think you have to go under the car to unscrew the wheel.” 

“Shut up, I know what I’m doing!” Chandler snapped as Mac returned with the jack and tire iron. “Heather, get under the car.” 

Mac furrowed her brow. “Before the car is propped up?” She asked, taking off her jacket and setting it on top of the Jeep. “How am I gonna unscrew the wheel?”

Chandler nodded. “Right.” 

It was at that moment that Veronica realized that if she didn’t do something quickly, they’d probably die on the side of the road. Chandler clearly had no idea what to do, Duke seemed annoyed enough to just let whatever happened happen, and Mac was willing to do whatever was asked of her. Wracking her brain and trying to remember exactly what her father had taught her, Veronica took the jack from Mac and got to work. 

“What do you think you’re doing?” Chandler demanded. 

“Heather, please just let me do this.” Veronica sighed, putting the jack in place. “I have a curfew and I really don’t want to see Mac get crushed by the car tonight. Please.”

Chandler clenched her jaw, but remained silent. 

“Thank you.” Veronica said.

It took her fifteen minutes to get the tire changed, though it might have taken less time if Veronica hadn’t been checking over her shoulder every four seconds to make sure she wasn’t pissing Chandler off further. 

“Heather, can you check this please?” Veronica called once she thought she was done. “I think it should be fine until you can get it fixed, but I don’t know a lot about cars.”

“Hold on.” Duke called from the side of the road. 

“Heather, please.” Veronica sighed. “I don’t want to die on the side of the road.”

“Fine.” Duke groaned and stood up. She walked over and looked at the tire for a few moments. “It should be fine, I’ll drive careful though.”

“You should’ve tried that in the first place.” Chandler snapped, climbing into the passenger seat. 

“You have a drivers’ license too you know!” Duke snapped. 

“Guys, please can we just get along?” Mac sighed. “I swear you both just like to fight at this point. Stuff just happens sometimes, we have to just accept it and deal.”

Chandler and Duke were both silent for a few moments before Duke broke the silence. “Fine,” She looked at Chandler. “Sorry, Heather. I should’ve helped fix the car.” 

Veronica climbed into the backseat, followed by Mac and watched as Chandler frowned. 

“It’s okay.” She said after a moment. “I could have handled things better. Probably.” 

That was probably the closest Heather Chandler could ever get to apologizing. 

“Thanks, Heather.” Duke rolled her eyes and climbed into the car. “Let’s go home.”

* * *

“Okay,” Mac said softly, using two fingers to tilt Veronica’s chin up slightly. “I need you to stay like this.”

“How did you get so good at this?” Veronica asked, glancing around her bedroom.

The Heathers were in Veronica’s bedroom, helping her get ready for her date with Kurt. Duke had already done her hair and was now helping Chandler decide which of the three outfits she wanted to wear, while Mac did Veronica’s makeup. Veronica wasn’t sure if she would ever get used to being all done up by The Heathers, sure she was learning how to do it all for herself, but there was something about the way The Heathers did it that made her look like a movie star. 

“Lots and lots of practice.” Mac replied, pulling away and looking at Veronica for a moment, her face thoughtful. “Do we want lip gloss or lipstick?”

Veronica watched as Mac put a stripe of lipstick and a stripe of gloss onto the back of her own hand before holding it up near Veronica’s lips. “I don’t know, use your best judgement.”

“I wasn’t asking you.” Mac said distantly before looking over her shoulder. “Heather, do we know what we like better?” 

Chandler moved beside Mac and looked at Veronica’s face critically. “What are you leaning toward?”

“The gloss,” Mac replied. “I really doubt Kurt’s gonna take her anywhere fancy, so I don’t want to make her too formal, ya know? But it’s a really nice shade and it would look really good on her.”

“Go with your first instinct.” Duke called from near the bed as she compared two shirts. 

“I agree with Heather.” Chandler said, straightening up and moving back toward Duke. 

“Thanks!” Mac chirped, pulling out the lip gloss. “Hold still, okay?”

As Mac applied the lip gloss, Veronica found herself feeling more and more anxious. She’d never been on a date before, she didn’t know what she was supposed to do, she didn’t know what they would talk about. It’s not like she and Kurt Kelly had anything in common. What if he tried to make a move? What if he tried to kiss her? Did she even want Kurt Kelly to kiss her? Sure, he was cute and popular, but did she even want to go on this date with him? 

There was no point in backing out now, though. 

“Are you okay?” Mac asked, pulling away and surveying her work. “You look like you’re gonna be sick.”

“I’m just nervous.” Veronica replied quietly. “I’ve just never been on a date before and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, you know? What if I make a fool of myself?”

Chandler laughed a little as she and Duke finished putting together her outfit. “Don’t stress yourself out too much, boys are easy. And Kurt is even easier.” 

She and Duke brought Veronica the clothes they’d picked out for her and Duke offered her a small smile. 

“I’m just worried that I’ll say the wrong thing, or make a fool of myself.” Veronica said, her brow furrowing as she stood and took the clothes. “What do I even say to him? Before this month, he didn’t even know I existed and now here I am, getting ready for a date with him. What the hell do we talk about?”

Chandler pushed Veronica into the bathroom and closed the door. “First of all, no one dressed by me ever looks like a fool.” She called through the door. 

“If you don’t know what to say, just let him talk first.” Duke added. 

The Heathers began to give Veronica some advice from behind the door while she changed her clothes. Her heart was still pounding. Sure, this all sounded good on paper, but there was no telling what could happen in real life. How the hell was this supposed to prepare her for the real thing? She couldn’t even do tequila shots right, maybe she should make up a cheat sheet. 

Before she exited the bathroom, Veronica looked in the mirror and barely recognized herself. She took in a deep breath and opened the door. 

“So, Veronica, how does it feel?” Duke asked, crossing her arms and leaning against the wall. 

“How does what feel?” Veronica furrowed her brow. 

“To look like hell on wheels.” Chandler elaborated, taking in Veronica’s form with a critical eye. “How does it feel looking like hell on wheels?”

Veronica laughed. “It’s crazy. I feel...” She went to bite her lip, but then remembered her lip gloss. “I feel like a girl in a magazine. It’s crazy. How do you guys know how to just... do this? You just know how to make anyone look beautiful. You could teach a class.”

The Heathers shared a look and laughed a little to themselves. 

“Feeling a little better?” Chandler asked as Veronica sat down on her bed. 

“Yeah.” Veronica nodded a little. “I just... what if Kurt wants to kiss me?”

The question hung in the air for a few moments. 

“Do you want Kurt to kiss you?” Duke asked finally, sitting beside Veronica on the bed. 

“I don’t know.” Veronica replied.

How was she supposed to tell her friends that she had no idea what she even wanted to get out of this date? She’d never kissed anyone before, was she even ready to let Kurt be her first kiss? What if he didn’t want to kiss her, though? There were too many questions running through her head, she felt insane. 

“Just spill it.” Chandler demanded, sitting on Veronica’s other side. “You know we won’t judge you. Just tell us your problem so we can help you out. Okay?”

Veronica took in a deep breath. “I’ve never kissed anyone.” She muttered. Maybe if she said it quietly enough, they wouldn’t hear her. 

“That’s it?” Mac asked, zipping up her makeup kit. “You know, kissing isn’t a big deal, right? People put way too much pressure on their first kiss.”

Veronica scowled at that. “Oh yeah, who was your first kiss?” She demanded, looking at each Heather. 

“My first kiss was Heather.” Duke said, gesturing to Mac. “Seventh grade after her first cheer competition.”

“Mine was Heather, too.” Chandler added. “It was at a sleepover, it wasn’t a big deal. We kissed after watching Beetlejuice.”

“Mine was Ram.” Mac shrugged. “It was dumb and we were like ten or something... It wasn’t life changing or anything.”

“But that was forever ago.” Veronica said. “I’m so far behind you guys! How the hell am I supposed to catch up?”

“Catch up?” Mac frowned. “What does that mean?”

“You guys, and Kurt, and Ram, everyone, really... You all have so much more experience than I do.” Veronica replied. “How am I supposed to catch up to you all? I feel like I’ve wasted so much time!”

“Everyone moves at their own pace.” Chandler said, patting Veronica on the back. “There’s no point in rushing anything. But if you feel like you’re missing out on something, then kiss Kurt. Then you have the most popular boy in school as your first kiss and you’re really not missing anything.”

“I’m not sure if I want Kurt to be my first kiss...” Veronica said softly. “I just want it out of the way, but I don’t really have the time to go find a guy to lay one on me before my date.”

“If you just want it out of the way, have Heather do it.” Chandler shrugged, gesturing to Mac. “I’d do it, but I’m a ride you would not survive.”

“I’d do it, but I don’t really want to.” Duke said, patting Veronica on the shoulder. “But Heather’s a really good kisser, I’m sure she’ll give you what you need.”

“Why are you just offering Heather up without asking her first?” Veronica felt herself panicking. Did she even want Mac to kiss her? It sounded like a good idea, Veronica was straight so it wasn’t like it would mean anything, right? She’d just be able to get it out of the way and move on. 

It only made sense. 

“I’ll kiss you if you want.” Mac said with a small smile. “Trust me, it won’t be a big deal. And maybe I can give you some pointers if it’ll make you feel better.”

“Okay.” Veronica nodded. “Let’s kiss.” 

Chandler and Duke stood up and moved away from the bed as Mac approached Veronica slowly. 

“You’re sure?” Mac asked, bending down a little. Her face inches away from Veronica’s. 

“Yeah, I’m sure.” Veronica’s heart was pounding as Mac cupped her cheek and leaned in. “Let’s do it.”

“Okay.” Mac smiled, tilting her head a little. “Since you don’t want your noses to smash into each other, you’re gonna need to tilt your head just a tiny bit and go in at an angle.” Her lips hovered over Veronica’s. “Last chance to back out. Are you completely sure?”

Veronica’s cheeks were hot and her heart was pounding so hard she could feel it in her ears, her head was swimming in Mac’s perfume. What gave her the right to smell this good? She wasn’t even sure she could speak at this point, Veronica was sure that if she opened her mouth, no noise would come out. 

“Y-yeah.” Veronica breathed out. 

With that, Mac connected their lips. Veronica felt her brain short circuit, it was like everything in her bedroom had fallen away and all she could think about was Mac’s lips on hers. She leaned a little into the kiss, unsure of how exactly she was supposed to kiss back, but she knew she wanted to kiss Mac back. Who the hell wouldn’t? It was Heather McNamara. 

It felt too soon when Mac pulled away with a smile. “See? It’s nothing.” She said, using her thumb to wipe the corner of Veronica’s lip. “And your gloss is barely smudged. That’s a plus.”

Veronica sat there for a few moments, her mind going a mile a minute. She’d just kissed Heather McNamara. Her lips still tingled and her cheeks were still hot, she was even breathing a little heavily. That was perfectly normal, right? 

“You do good work, Heather.” Chandler said with a smirk, snapping Veronica back to reality. “If I didn’t know better, I’d say Heather is jealous.”

Duke scoffed at that. She rolled her eyes and moved toward Veronica, taking a moment to straighten her clothes. “Any other concerns, I’m sure Heather wouldn’t mind feeling you up too.”

“As if.” Chandler laughed. “I don’t want to redress her. Besides, if Kurt sees her all hot and bothered, he’ll think it’s for him and his ego will only get bigger.”

“If that’s possible.” Mac added. 

“Never underestimate how great mediocre men think they are.” Chandler said with a scowl. 

“Any last minute advice.” Veronica asked, glancing at her clock. She had fifteen minutes before Kurt said he’d be picking her up.

“Don’t eat onions, garlic, or pickles.” Mac said quickly. “And keep a few mints in your bag, just in case.”

“Don’t eat anything super messy.” Duke added. “Nothing that can really spill or dribble down your chin or anything like that.”

“So I shouldn’t eat chili?” Veronica laughed. 

Chandler smiled. “No chili, no soup.” She paused. “And if you need anything, we’re gonna be at Heather’s tonight.” She looked at Mac. “Don’t be afraid to call us.”

“And we expect an update by noon tomorrow!” Mac added with a smile. 

“And I put pepper spray in your purse.” Duke said. “No woman should leave home without it. It’s just good sense to keep.” 

“I doubt I’m going to need pepper spray.” Veronica rolled her eyes and stood up. “But I appreciate the thought. Thank you.”

“So you’re feeling good?” Chandler asked, looking at the clock. “Because we can’t be here when Kurt comes to get you. It’ll scare him off.”

“Or make him think we have something planned.” Duke said. 

“Right.” Chandler nodded. “Are you ready?”

Veronica took a deep breath and nodded. “I think so.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not pictured, Heather McNamara proudly declaring that she converted a hetero while Heather Duke drives her home.
> 
> Veronica and Kurt are not going to be paired off. This is a gay fic first and foremost.


	3. Apex Predators

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick warning, there is some mildly homophobic language used in this chapter.

Veronica had never been on a date before, and therefore, had never learned how to properly recognize red flags when they were made apparent. The first red flag had to be when Kurt took Veronica to get hotdogs for dinner, with the second being him ordering chili on his hotdog. The third one definitely had to be that Kurt wanted to eat in his car. 

“So after high school I think I’m gonna take the offer from Ohio State.” Kurt said, clearly trying too hard to sound casual. “That way I can really stick it to those Spartans, ya know?”

“Spartans?” Veronica’s brow furrowed. “Like from MSU?”

“No, from Michigan.” Kurt replied in a condescending tone. 

“No.” Veronica almost snapped. “My dad went to the University of Michigan. They’re the Wolverines. You’re thinking of Michigan State, which is not Ohio’s rival.”

“Oh.” Kurt looked a little sheepish. “I didn’t know you knew anything about football. Chicks like you don’t usually know those types of things.”

“Apparently guys like you don’t know much about it, either.” Veronica said, watching Kurt’s face screw up in annoyance. 

“You don’t have to be a bitch about it, you know.” 

And there was red flag number four. 

She wondered what kind of advice The Heathers would offer in this situation, she was sitting in Kurt Kelly’s car with a half eaten hotdog at a park after sundown. Would they tell her to be assertive and demand to be taken home? Would they tell her to make the best of it and wait it out? Heather Chandler would probably feed her a line about threatening to crush Kurt’s balls with the heel of her shoe if he didn’t take her home right now. 

“Do you wanna get some air?” Kurt asked with a forced smile. “Take a little walk?”

Veronica would do anything to get out of that chili smelling car. “Sure.” 

Her parents had always told Veronica never to go to the park at night, apparently the place where children played during the day became a home for murderers and rapists. So far, Veronica could only see a group of drunk teenagers chasing a squirrel in the distance. Maybe her parents misrepresented the world to her. 

“It’s pretty nice out tonight, huh?” Kurt asked as he moved around the front of the car and put an arm over her shoulders. “The stars are real pretty.”

Veronica looked up at the sky and almost snorted. It was cloudy out.

It was at that moment when something clicked in Veronica’s head. There was absolutely no way in hell that she had any kind of romantic feelings for Kurt Kelly. Any kind of regular feelings for Kurt Kelly. If anything, she was annoyed by him. Kurt Kelly wasn’t all that great, he was just popular and good at football. Veronica had only agreed to go on this stupid date because no one had ever shown interest in her before, and she didn’t know how to say no to Kurt Kelly. Now here she was, at a park after eating a hotdog in Kurt Kelly’s poorly cleaned car. 

The realization was kind of freeing. She didn’t want to try and go on a second date. 

Kurt talked at her as they walked, Veronica could barely summon up the effort to reply to the stupid stuff he was talking about. Why on earth did Kurt think that Veronica would want to hear him rate The Heathers, not only in order of hotness but also by order of how easy he thought they were? Also his criteria was baffling. 

“... I mean I _saw_ her!” Kurt exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air. “How would you rank them?”

“Are you seriously asking me that?” Veronica frowned. What on earth could have made Kurt think that Veronica, hell any girl on earth, would want to spend a date rating their new friends? 

“God, no need to freak out.” Kurt grumbled, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “I was just asking your opinion.”

“No, you were asking me to objectify my friends.” Veronica replied. 

“Like chicks don’t rate dudes.” Kurt scoffed. “It’s the same thing.”

“Imagine going on a date with a chick and she starts talking about how hot Ram is! That’s what you’re doing to me!”

Kurt’s frown deepened. “God, you’re such a drag. I’m sorry I ever thought you could be fun.”

“Wow.” Veronica scoffed. That seemed like a good stopping point for their date. Veronica turned her heel and walked away from Kurt. “Good night, Kurt.” She called over her shoulder. 

“Wait, where are you going?” Kurt demanded loudly. 

“I saw a payphone nearby.” Veronica didn’t bother turning around. “I’m going to get a ride home. Thanks for the hotdog, Kurt, but I think this date is over.”

“Are you fucking serious?” Kurt shouted. “God, you’re such a bitch! I can’t believe I was gonna let you blow me tonight!”

Veronica decided not to dignify that with a response and continued to walk, putting her hand in her purse and holding onto the pepper spray that Duke had given her earlier. Just in case. 

Once she reached the payphone, Veronica spared a glance toward where Kurt had parked. She let out a sigh of relief when she saw that Kurt’s car was gone before dialling the number for Mac’s house. There was no way she wanted to call her parents and have to explain to them what had happened.

 _“McNamara Residence, how can I help you?”_ It was Heather Chandler. 

“Heather, it’s Veronica.” Veronica said quickly. “I’m at the payphone near Sherwood Park, do you think you or Heather Duke can give me a ride home?”

 _“It’s Veronica.”_ Chandler said, her voice was a little muffled. She must be talking to the other two. _“Are you okay? Did something happen?”_

“I’m fine, Kurt’s just a jerk and I just...” Veronica trailed off. “Kurt’s gross and I was stupid for agreeing to go on a date with him. I couldn’t spend another minute with him. Could you please come get me?”

 _“Well obviously we’re going to come get you!”_ Chandler said as if she were repeating herself for the ten thousandth time. _“Heather, Heather, we’re going to pick up Veronica. She’s stranded at the park because Kurt is gross.”_

“You all don’t have to-”

 _“See you in five minutes.”_ With that, Chandler had hung up. 

“Thanks, Heather.” Veronica said to herself, hanging up the receiver and heading toward a nearby bench. 

She sat down and grabbed the pepper spray out of her purse. No one was nearby, but still, it was better to be safe than sorry. Veronica looked around at the dark street and watched the cars go by. 

Veronica jumped when a red car suddenly pulled up beside her. “Get in, loser!” Duke called from the backseat. 

“Thanks guys.” Veronica mumbled, climbing into the backseat of Chandler’s car. “I hope I wasn’t interrupting anything important...”

Chandler shrugged as she began to drive away. “We were just watching Jaws, no big deal.” 

“Yeah, it was kind of an afterthought movie.” Duke said as she began to kick the back of Chandler’s seat. “We’d already finished Beetlejuice and needed to keep the night going.” 

“Heather, I swear on all things holy if you keep kicking my seat, I’m going to break your legs.” Chandler snapped, blindly reaching around and smacking at Duke. “It’s not my fault if Heather called shotgun before you. The rules of shotgun are clear and there’s no wiggle room. It’s not my fault if Heather falls asleep during night time car rides.”

Veronica glanced into the front seat and let out a little laugh when she noticed that Mac was fully asleep. 

Duke crossed her arms and fell back in her seat. “Fine.”

“Do you want to hang out with us at Heather’s tonight?” Chandler asked. 

“You don’t have to,” Duke added softly. “It’s no fun being alone after a bad date, though.”

“Will Heather’s parents care?” Veronica asked. 

Chandler shrugged. “Her dad’s out of town, so I doubt he cares.”

“Oh.” Veronica leaned her head against the window. “I’ll have to call my parents see if it’s okay with them, though.”

Duke’s nose wrinkled at that. “It’s a Saturday and you’re seventeen. I don’t think they’ll care.” 

“I still have to check in.” Veronica frowned. “Do you guys not check in with your parents?”

“Your parents have to give half a shit about you before they ask you to check in with them.” Chandler scoffed. “As long as I show signs of life around the house and keep my grades up, they don’t bother me.” 

“Guys.” Mac whined from the front seat. “Why are you being so loud? I need my sleep, I’m so little.” 

“Don’t you dare fall asleep.” Chandler said quickly. “We’re almost at your place, and we are absolutely not going to carry you in this time.”

“How often are you guys carrying Mac into her house?” Veronica asked Duke in a much quieter voice than before. 

“All the time,” Duke replied just as softly. “She’s just really cute when she’s asleep and Heather and I don’t like to wake her up sometimes. But it is way too early for her to be asleep for the night on a Saturday. She’ll just be waking up at like four in the morning tomorrow, and she hates waking up alone. I’m not getting my ass up at four in the fucking morning. Not even for her.”

Veronica smiled a little at the thought of Chandler and Duke carrying a sleeping Mac around. 

* * *

The Heathers had listened to the story of Veronica and Kurt’s date intently, only chiming in to ask questions and make jibes against Kurt. Veronica felt a little lighter after getting it all out and having her friends tell her that yes, she did miss a few red flags, but now she knew how to recognize them. And to not say yes to any boy who asks her out. 

“What’s the worst date you guys have ever been on?” Veronica asked, taking a slice of pizza from the box and putting it on her plate. 

They were all sitting around Mac’s coffee table with Chandler sandwiched between Mac and Duke. The Heathers looked at each other for a few moments before Chandler nudged Duke. There was a momentary stare off before Duke sighed. 

“Fine, I’ll go first.” She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest. “It was my first ever high school date. I was a freshman and he was a junior, his car ran out of gas halfway to the movies and we had to pull over. Then we had to walk back to his house and tell his parents what happened. Then I had to watch his parents chew him out for like forty-five minutes before they took me home.”

“Oh my god.” Veronica gasped, trying desperately to hold back her laughter. “That’s the worst!”

“Yeah.” Duke nodded. “It was definitely something.”

“Tell her the worst part.” Chandler instructed. 

“The worst part was that he asked me to go out with him again and I said yes.” Duke sighed. “And then he tried to get me to blow him on the second date, so I cried and maced him.”

“Jesus.” Veronica frowned.

“It was cute mace though.” Mac chirped. “Remember? The container had flowers on it.”

“Oh yeah, it did.” Duke smiled. “I always buy girly mace now, it really livens up my purse.” 

“I’ll go next.” Mac announced, she still looked a little sleepy from earlier. “So I was a sophomore and he was a junior, and we went to this hockey game. I don’t know why he thought I’d want to go to a hockey game as our first date, but hey, it gets worse. So there’s this spotlight that shines on people and then the camera films them and it gets on the big screen during the first intermission. And there was this stupid dance party or something happening, and the kid behind us was dancing really aggressively. Like really aggressively. And I guess he forgot that he had chili cheese fries in his hands because he spilled them all down by back.”

“Holy shit.” Veronica couldn’t help but laugh at that. “What happened next?”

“My date proceeded to laugh at me and I spent the rest of the game in the bathroom trying to get chili cheese out of my hair.” Mac replied, earning a snort from Duke. “And because I had to be in the bathroom for so long, my date forgot about me and I ended up having to call Heather to come get me because she had just gotten her permit. When I got home, I called him to tell him that I made it home safe, no thanks to him. And his mom answered and told me he just went to bed.”

“Did you tell his mom what happened?” Veronica asked. 

Mac’s cheeks turned red and she buried her face in Chandler’s shoulder. “No, I told her to have a nice night.” She said through her own laughter. 

“That’s fucking insane.” Veronica said, wiping away a couple tears that had slipped out while she was laughing. “I’m sorry that happened to you.”

“Yeah, men are trash.” Chandler said off handedly. She turned her head and murmured something to Mac before turning to Veronica. “It’s my turn now.”

“You’ve been on so many terrible dates, Heather, I don’t even know which one you’re gonna pick as your favorite.” Duke said, leaning against the front of the sofa. 

“Shut up, Heather.” Chandler snapped. 

“Stop fighting!” Mac whined, wrapping her arms around Chandler’s torso and cuddling a little further into Chandler’s shoulder. 

Chandler rolled her eyes and groaned. “Fine, Heather, I’ll play nice if _she_ will.” She glared at Duke, who shrugged. 

Veronica tried not to smile as Chandler seemed to accept her fate as Mac’s new pillow.

“So my worst ever date was with a senior when I was a freshman.” Chandler said, frowning a little at the memory. “I was fourteen at the time and apparently didn’t see any problem with going on a date with an eighteen year old. But he was tall and on the wrestling team and had a job, so I figured why not go on a date with him, ya know?”

“Why would a senior want to go on a date with a freshman?” Veronica frowned.

“I’m sure there are a lot of reasons.” Chandler offered a one shoulder shrug. “But I was a little bit of an early bloomer, so my tits looked really fucking good at the time.” She spared a glance at her chest. “They still look really fucking good, but imagine these on a fourteen year old me.” 

Veronica absolutely could not remember what Chandler looked like as a freshman, so she just nodded once. That seemed to be enough for Chandler.

“Anyway,” Chandler continued. “He took me to a party, my first ever high school party. He got me super, super drunk because it was my first time ever drinking and I didn’t know much about pacing myself. I ended up getting super trashed and getting shoved into a pool. I barely remember what happened in the pool except that I thought I was going to die until I realized that I got pushed into the shallow end and I stood up.”

“Oh that sucks.” Veronica frowned. 

“It gets worse.” Mac piped up, she looked like she was about to fall asleep. 

“That’s true, it gets worse.” Chandler nodded. “My date ended up passing out in the treehouse and he couldn’t take me home, so there I was, drunk as hell, soaking wet, and surrounded by a bunch of drunk people I didn’t know. So I found the house phone and had to call my parents.”

“Oh my god!” Veronica gasped. “What did they do?”

“Well, I had to spend forever convincing them that it wasn’t a prank call and that I really needed help.” Chandler sighed. “My dad came and got me, and he yelled at me the entire twenty minutes it took to get home. Then once I was home, he called the cops on the party and everyone who got caught ended up getting hit with community service. I was grounded for a month, but then my parents forgot about it a week into it. And everyone forgot that I was there, including my date, so I sort of got out scot free, but it was a really bad night.”

“And that’s why we give the pool a wide berth at parties.” Duke said with a yawn. 

“How do you ever go on another date after all that?” Veronica asked. “Like, seriously, how the hell do you trust another person again? What the hell?”

“That’s one reason why we have the reputation for only dating college guys.” Chandler replied. “I don’t trust any guy at all. Ever. So I make them think that I can always do better, so they don’t bother to ask.”

“Why don’t they ask?” 

“There’s nothing a guy is more afraid of than looking stupid. So if, at any point, he thinks I’ll say no to a date, he’ll decide against it.”

“Most guys only ask a girl out if they know that there isn’t a chance in hell that she’ll say no.” Duke said as she stood up and looked over at Chandler and Mac. “It looks like it’s time to go to bed. Heather is fully passed out right now.”

It was true, Mac was now openly sleeping while propped up against Chandler. 

“Seriously, though, is she narcoleptic?” Veronica asked. 

“Leave her alone, she’s fucking tired.” Chandler hissed. 

“Yeah, it’s been a really long day.” Duke snapped. 

* * *

It seemed like any other Monday when Veronica got to the school. She stood at her locker, trying to remember if her US History class was open book or not. By the time she decided that it was better safe than sorry, Martha appeared beside Veronica. 

“Jesus, Martha!” Veronica jumped. “Do we have to put a bell on you? What the hell?”

Martha let out a breathless chuckle. “Right, sorry.” She said, glancing around the hallway. “Something weird happened this morning.”

“Oh, what happened?” Veronica frowned as she closed her locker.

“Well, The Heathers came up to me and Heather Duke told me to give you this.” She handed Veronica a folded up piece of paper. “And then Heather McNamara told me that I had to escort you to your first class of the day and not let you talk to anyone.”

That was certainly out of character. “What the hell?” Veronica’s brow furrowed as she opened the note. 

It simply said _“We’re handling it.”_ in Heather Chandler’s handwriting. 

“What the hell are they handling?” Veronica asked Martha. 

“I have no idea.” Martha shrugged, linking her arm with Veronica’s. “But your friends scare the crap out of me, so I’m gonna take you to class now.”

Veronica walked to class with Martha, she had no idea what could be happening and why The Heathers were handling it. It was all so bizarre. It was only then did she notice that people were staring at her, something that only happened when she was with The Heathers. And usually they didn’t snicker while she walked by either. 

“Are people... staring at me?” Veronica whispered. 

Martha glanced around. “Of course they are, you’re a Heather.”

Veronica’s frown deepened. “Right.”

US History went on without incident, but Veronica could still feel eyes on her while she took her test. Her neck felt itchy and her cheeks were burning, there had to be a reason why so many people were staring at her. Was this what The Heathers were handling? Why would anyone be staring at her like this? There wasn’t anything really interesting about her. 

“Hi Veronica.” A junior from the cheer team greeted as Veronica left US History, she was in a group of four cheerleaders standing outside the door.

“Hi...” Veronica offered the younger girls a half wave. She could not remember her name. “What’s up?”

“Oh, uh...” The girl paused for a moment as if she were trying to carefully pick the right words. “Heather McNamara told us to get you to your second period.” 

“Why?” Veronica gestured to her legs. “My legs aren’t broken, I can walk myself.”

“Well, we don’t want to run suicides, so we’re gonna do what the cheer captain tells us to do.” One of the girls chipped in. 

Veronica rolled her eyes. “Fine, but I have to go to my locker.”

“We don’t mind being late to gym, don’t worry.” 

It continued like this after class when two members of the yearbook committee quietly escorted to her third period, and again when a few younger members of student leadership walked her to the cafeteria. Veronica wished she’d had at least one Heather in a class with her before lunch so she could interrogate them. What the hell was going on?

“What the hell is going on?” Veronica demanded once the student leadership kids left her alone with The Heathers. “Why are you guys sending your... cronies to walk me to class? And why the hell are people staring at me? And what the hell are you handling?” She slammed her hands against the surface of the table and looked directly at Heather Chandler. “What is with the fucking espionage?” 

“Sit down, Veronica.” Chandler spoke as if Veronica were an impatient toddler. 

Veronica glared at Chandler for a few moments. Chandler did not break eye contact, silently ordering Veronica to sit her ass down. 

“Fine.” Veronica sat down and looked over at Duke and Mac, neither of them seemed particularly bothered or surprised by Veronica’s harsh tone. “What the fuck is going on?”

“Kurt and Ram started a rumor.” Chandler replied simply as she stood up and grabbed a clipboard from Duke’s backpack. “Kurt called Heather last night to tell her, so we’ve been getting a jump on it.”

“What?” Veronica’s voice was an octave higher than it usually was. “What kind of rumor?”

Duke spoke while Mac waved Kurt and Ram over to their table. “Kurt said that you, he, and Ram had a threeway after your date on Saturday. It was super gross and unrealistic, and he specifically said that there was a ‘big sword fight in your mouth.’”

Mac scowled at that. “And they didn’t even say you rinsed.” 

She and Duke shuddered at that.

“Wait, can we back up to the part where I apparently had two dicks in my mouth on Saturday when in reality, I was with the three of you!” Veronica snapped. “Because I don’t understand how that could possibly have happened!”

“They’re very clearly lying.” Chandler said cooly as Kurt and Ram approached. “Now shut up and let us work.”

Mac and Duke stood up and closed rank behind Chandler. Their faces were set and their eyes were hard and sharp. Veronica had only seen this look on Chandler when she’d broken that mug at Duke’s house the previous week. Seeing that look on all three of them made Veronica’s blood run cold. 

“Hey Heathers One, Two, and Three.” Ram offered them a small wave before snickering at Veronica. “Sup, Sawyer? How’s your jaw?”

A sharp look from Chandler kept Veronica’s mouth shut. 

Kurt seemed a little more aware of the danger he was in than Ram was. His hands were firmly in his pocket and his shoulders were hunched as he shuffled his feet uncomfortably. The Heathers picked up on this as well, their eyes hadn’t left him for a second, they had paid Ram absolutely no mind. 

“You know Kurt,” Chandler said. Her tone was almost sickeningly sweet with an undertone of danger. “Heather is the head of the yearbook committee, so it’s her job to come up with the lunchtime polls. But she was nice enough to let me come up with this week’s.” She turned to Duke with a sinister smile. “Right, Heather?”

“Right.” Duke nodded, her tone was a little sharper than Chandler’s. “And we wanted to give you guys a preview of the lunchtime poll. Right, Heather?”

Mac’s smile was so sweet that it was unsettling. “Right.” Her normally bright voice was dripping with venom. “It’s kind of like focus testing before everyone else hears it.”

“I don’t give a shit about those stupid polls.” Ram grumbled, glancing over at Kurt, who was looking increasingly more uncomfortable. 

“Trust me, you’re gonna want to hear this poll.” Chandler said quickly, now looking at Duke’s clipboard. “So this week’s question is: ‘ _Does it seem weirdly homoerotic that whenever Kurt and Ram come up with a clearly fake rumor about a girl, it always seems to involve their dicks touching at least one time?’_ I think it’s very thought provoking.”

“Hey!” Ram exclaimed, earning a couple looks. 

“Ram, shut the fuck up!” Kurt hissed, elbowing Ram roughly. He rounded on The Heathers. “You wouldn’t dare...”

“Wouldn’t I?” Chandler stood up a little straighter. “You started a rumor about my friend,” She gestured to Veronica. “Granted, she was dumb enough to go on a horrible date with you. But that doesn’t mean you get to _lie_ about what happened. But since you did, now I get to ask the entire student body how they feel about how you and your boyfriend are too nervous to just fuck each other, so you have to stuff some poor girl in the middle so you don’t have to face your feelings for each other.”

“Oh! Maybe we can put them on Homecoming Court together!” Mac giggled. 

“I’m more excited about them being Prom _Queens_ together.” Duke sneered. 

“So, are you going to take back your stupid fucking lie, or are you going to have to explain to your dads why your sleepovers need a chaperone?” Chandler asked, her glare getting more intense. “It’s an easy choice.”

“You’d get in so much trouble.” Ram growled. “There’s no way you’d fucking do it.”

The Heathers laughed at that. 

“Fuck off.” Kurt said firmly. “You guys can’t just be bitches for no goddamn reason. Your stupid friend is probably a dyke, we’re doing her a favor!”

Veronica opened her mouth to speak only for The Heathers to send her three equally dangerous looks. She shut her mouth immediately and recoiled a little. How did these girls get so scary? Veronica was sure that they might be serial killers. 

“Suit yourself.” Chandler shrugged, stepping up onto the table. “Last chance.”

Kurt and Ram crossed their arms, looking up at Chandler defiantly. 

“Attention A Lunch!” Chandler clapped her hands together once, gaining everyone’s attention almost instantly. “As I’m sure many of you know, the yearbook holds a weekly lunchtime poll here at Westerburg.” 

Veronica watched as beads of sweat formed on Kurt and Ram’s foreheads. Chandler cast one more look at the both of them, quirking her eyebrow. Mac turned her head slightly toward Veronica and winked before her head snapped back toward Kurt and Ram. These girls were terrifying. 

“Fine.” Kurt hissed. “I’ll take it back. I’ll tell everyone I was just kidding. Please don’t do this to me.”

Chandler’s smile widened a little and she nodded once. “So this week’s question is specifically for seniors and it’s: _‘Where should the seniors go for their end of the year trip?’_ Seniors, this will really help out your class leadership, so please take the time to fill out your forms, they’re located in the front of the cafeteria. Thank you!”

Chandler climbed down with a wide smile and looked at Kurt and Ram. “Nice doing business with you boys, I expect everyone to know it was just a joke by tomorrow, if not, we can recycle this week’s poll next week.”

“We’ll do it.” Kurt snapped, his cheeks were beet red. “Just keep your mouth shut.”

“Yeah.” Ram chipped in, trying to look intimidating. 

“Why are you still here?” Duke asked before she and the others sat down. 

“Yeah,” Mac sneered, propping her head up on her hand. “I don’t remember inviting either of you to sit with us.”

“And please don’t forget to fill out your forms.” Chandler added, shooing them away. 

“What the fuck was that?” Veronica asked, watching as Kurt and Ram slinked away. “You guys are out here like lions playing with their food before killing them. And you already had the poll set up, you knew you wouldn’t have to actually say anything, didn’t you?”

Chandler looked at Veronica like she had just noticed her. “Straight men are predictable.” She said with a shrug. “There’s nothing scarier to a straight man than being accused of being gay.”

“And why did you make your teams escort me everywhere?” Veronica asked.

“If you found out about the rumor from literally any other person besides us... or maybe your friend, Martha, you might freak out.” Mac said as she took a sip of her Diet Coke. 

“And we were kind of busy making sure as many people as possible knew that Kurt and Ram were lying, so it’s not like we could do it ourselves.” Duke added, pulling out her book. 

“But why not just tell me before school?” Veronica asked. “So that way I would have known what was going on. And not spend half the day confused out of my mind! That would have been a lot easier on me if I’m being honest.”

“Well, I’m not a mind reader, Veronica.” Chandler said with a sigh. “And this was all kind of last minute, we had to come up with a plan, coordinate your escorts, and decide how we were going to ruin Kurt and Ram’s lives. We really didn’t think about it.”

“It really didn’t come up.” Mac shrugged. “But you’re okay now, right? We fixed it.”

Was Veronica happy? On the one hand, yes, she was thrilled that Kurt and Ram’s horrible rumor was stopped in its tracks before it could gain traction. And it was kind of fun to watch The Heathers verbally eviscerate them in the middle of the cafeteria. But the look in their eyes would be in the back of Veronica’s mind for a long time. It was like her friends were apex predators with the way they so quickly and easily took out their prey. Veronica had never been on the receiving end of their wrath, and she was definitely going to make a point to avoid it. 

“I guess I’m okay.” Veronica nodded once. 

“Great.” Chandler clapped her hands together and smiled. “Then we’re not talking about this anymore. Does anyone have any unrelated business?”

“I finished my book last night.” Duke said, not looking up from her reading. “And I started this one last night. It’s all right.”

“Congrats.” Veronica smiled a little. 

“Eh.” Duke seemed uninterested. “It’s not that great.”

“Veronica, you have gym next period, do you wanna skip?” Chandler asked. “Heather, Heather, and I worked really hard today, so we’re ditching the rest. You in?”

“Why the hell not?” Veronica sighed. She wasn’t feeling gym anyway. 

* * *

“Am I seriously ditching gym so I can help you with your math?” Veronica asked with a laugh. They were sitting at the outside picnic tables near the student parking lot, working on their homework. Somehow this was not what Veronica was picturing.

“You’re helping me with math outside, though.” Mac shrugged, not looking up from her notebook. “That’s cool, isn’t it? The fresh air helps you think.”

“You have to carry the one.” Duke said, glancing over Mac’s shoulder. “Right there.” 

“This is what you get for signing up for the AP course.” Chandler said as she worked on her US History notecards. “You regretted it last year and barely scraped by with a C. What made you think it’d be easier this year?”

“I figured all the learning I did last year would have helped...” Mac sighed, scribbling out a few lines of her work. 

“Right?” Veronica watched closely as Mac continued working through a problem. “How dare you expect your learning from last year to carry over?”

“God has cursed me, I think.” Mac frowned, tapping the eraser against her forehead. “I can’t drive, I’m mathematically challenged, and I can’t do cursive Z’s.”

“Can’t you just take drivers’ training?” Veronica found herself asking.

“She’s gone through three different drivers’ ed courses.” Chandler supplied, she was now color coding her notecards. “Her dad is trying to find a course on this side of the state that will take her. Her dad is bankrolling her last instructor’s therapy.”

“What did you do?” Veronica gasped, looking at Mac with a deep frown. “What the hell could possibly have done?”

“Hey now!” Veronica jumped at the sound of Ms. Fleming’s voice. “Shouldn’t you all be in class?”

“We have a free period.” Chandler said, showing Ms. Fleming her work. “We decided to use it to study outside, you know like responsible people who don’t like the moldy book smell in the library.”

“Hi, Ms. Fleming!” Mac offered Ms. Fleming a happy little wave. 

“Hi, Heather.” Ms. Fleming replied, looking slightly confused. 

“Are you out here to smoke?” Mac asked, gesturing to the unlit cigarette in Ms. Fleming’s hand. 

“What?” Ms. Fleming exclaimed, stuffing the cigarette into her jacket pocket. “No, I’m not out here to smoke!”

“I think you are.” Mac insisted in a sing-song voice, Veronica held a hand to her mouth to stifle her laughter. “I can’t wait until I’m eighteen and I’m old enough to smoke! Did you wait until you were eighteen before you started smoking? Do you think you could give me one?”

“No!” Ms. Fleming was quickly walking away now. “And don’t smoke, it’s bad for your health!”

“I want yellow teeth!” Mac called after her. “They’d go with my favorite skirt!”

“I loved that.” Duke said once Ms. Fleming was out of sight.

“Wait, what was that?” Veronica was now openly laughing. 

“Adults get really weird when you ask them for cigarettes.” Mac laughed, moving back to her homework. 

“It gets you out of a lot of trouble.” Chandler said. “I did that to my uncle when he caught me sneaking out during Thanksgiving, and he just let me go on my merry way.”

“It got me out of having to have the sex talk with my mom.” Duke added. “We still haven’t had it.”

“You guys know that you’re very scary people, right?” Veronica asked. “Do your plans after high school involve taking over a small to midsize country?”

“Maybe, the sky’s the limit.” Chandler said offhandedly. 

“I believe in you.” 

* * *

“I’m telling you, Martha,” Veronica said as Martha was getting their movie night movie set up. “These girls are terrifying. They’re really holding back at all times, you know?”

“You really never told me about what they did to make Kurt and Ram take back what they said.” Martha replied. “But they looked really terrified during fifth period and kept yelling at everyone to believe them.”

“Heather Chandler told me that she’d steal my teeth if I told anyone what happened at lunch...” Veronica replied with a shrug. “Personally, I don’t think that Heather Chandler has the hand strength to work the pliers she’d need to take my teeth, but Heather McNamara would definitely be able to. She’s got these crazy cheerleader muscles, it’s bizarre, but she could probably break me in half over her knee without a thought.”

“Really?” Martha asked. 

“Really.” Veronica nodded. “Next time she wears her cheer uniform to school, look at her arms. She’s buff, Martha.”

“So if you’re so scared of them, why do you want to keep being their friend?” Martha sat down beside Veronica on the sofa. 

“I really, really like them!” Veronica exclaimed. 

“Really?” 

“Really!” 

“I always figured that they weren’t really friends, they were more like coworkers whose job was being popular.”

Veronica laughed. “No, it’s not like that. I think they actually enjoy each others’ company...” She paused for a moment and decided not to mention how often Duke and Chandler argued. “It’s literally just a coincidence that they’re all named Heather.”

“That’s kind of cool.” Martha smiled. 

“Yeah.” Veronica nodded. “I really have no idea why they even let me hang out with them, I’m kind of unpleasant.”

“I think you’re okay.” Martha shrugged. 

“Gee thanks, Martha. You really made me feel loved.”

“That’s what I’m here for, now shush, I’m turning on the movie.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Reference:
> 
> Ohio State is a big football college, their rival is The University of Michigan. The University of Michigan's mascot is the Wolverine. Michigan State University is another college in Michigan, and their mascot is the Spartan.


	4. A Wager

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First update of the new year! Yay!
> 
> Quick trigger warning, there are mentions of depression in this chapter.

“Ha!” Heather Chandler exclaimed as she knocked Duke’s ball out of bounds. “Suck it, Heather!”

“Eat shit and die.” Duke flipped Chandler off and went to go find her ball. “You’re an ass.”

Veronica deeply regretted inviting The Heathers over to play croquet with her. Having grown up with the set in her backyard made her think that everyone knew how to play, unfortunately that assumption was wrong. Now here she was, teaching The Heathers how to play croquet. 

Chandler had loudly declared war against Duke once she found out she could knock other balls out of the game. Duke was determined to win at all costs and seemed to have decided that winning was impossible if Chandler was in the game, so she was also on the attack. Meanwhile, Mac didn’t seem to quite understand the game and was terrified of being hit in the head with a ball, flinching whenever Chandler or Duke sent the other’s ball flying in her general direction. 

“That one barely even came near you.” Veronica said after Mac flinched. “I really doubt anyone is going to launch a ball at your head.”

“I can’t afford another concussion, Veronica.” Mac replied, nervously watching as Duke aimed for Chandler’s ball. “We have a three strikes policy and if I get another one, I’m not gonna be allowed to cheer anymore!”

“You’ve had two concussions?” Veronica frowned. 

“Yeah,” Mac nodded. “Both of them were mild, but I did get benched for like, two weeks each time and it sucked! The second one wasn’t even my fault, stupid Ashley couldn’t control her legs when we did the high kick cradle and she kicked me so hard in the head.”

“Your turn, Veronica.” Chandler said, she was glaring daggers at Duke. 

Veronica took her turn and let out a little whoop when she scored a wicket. 

“Good hit.” Duke grumbled begrudgingly. 

“Thanks, Heather.” Veronica replied with a grin. 

“My turn!” Mac announced happily. Her swing wasn’t the best, but she was still doing relatively okay for a beginner. 

“My turn!” Chandler declared. “Prepare to lose, Heather!”

“I’ll laugh at your funeral.” Duke snapped. 

“Neither of you guys are good enough at this game to be this competitive.” Veronica announced. 

“This is how we have fun.” Chandler laughed as her ball smashed into Duke’s. 

“You should see how we play Monopoly.” Mac said with a grin. 

Veronica couldn’t not ask, even though she knew that the answer would only confuse and upset her. “What happens when you play Monopoly?”

“Well, we had to get rid of all the good pieces because we can never agree on who gets what piece.” Mac shrugged. 

“That’s kind of an understatement.” Duke added. “Heather’s the one who threw the ship in a lake.”

“Well, you’re the one who smashed the horse with a hammer!” Mac replied quickly before looking at Chandler. “And I’m not the one who swallowed the racecar!”

“I regret nothing.” Chandler shrugged. “I’ll fucking do it again.”

“What pieces do you guys use?” Veronica really should not have been this surprised. 

“Wheelbarrow, iron, thimble, and shoe.” Duke said as she took her swing. “The worst ones.”

“What about the dog and the cannon?” Veronica asked. 

“The dog went missing and someone melted the cannon on the stove.” Chandler replied as if what she was saying was absolutely normal. 

“Who melted the cannon?” 

“No one knows, no one will admit to it.” 

“What the fuck does that mean?” Veronica couldn’t help but laugh. 

“It happened in the dead of night.” Duke shrugged. “I still think it was Heather.” She looked pointedly at Mac. 

“It wasn’t me!” Mac whined, using her mallet to support her weight. 

Duke looked unconvinced. 

“At least I’m not the one who set the Boardwalk card on fire!” Mac sent a glare at Chandler. 

“Again, I regret nothing.” Chandler said, looking annoyed. “And thank you so much, Veronica, for bringing up horrible memories of some of the worst fights we’ve ever had.”

“Seriously?” Veronica groaned. “I didn’t even bring up Monopoly! And how old were you guys when you had this argument?”

“We were nine.” Duke replied with a laugh. “This all happened during Memorial Day Weekend at Heather’s family’s lakehouse. It rained the whole time and we were stuck inside for three days straight. Tensions got kind of high by day two.”

“That sounds like an understatement.” Veronica muttered, mostly to herself. “Fires were set, for Christ’s sake.”

“Oh calm down.” Chandler scoffed as she took her turn. “It’s not like any of us died.”

It stung a bit to have the most dramatic person that Veronica had ever met tell her to calm down. 

She watched as Chandler knocked Duke out again and couldn’t help but laugh a little at the little shriek that escaped Duke’s lips. 

“Screw you, Heather!” Duke grumbled. “I hope you get voted Homecoming Queen! I’ll pull a goddamn Carrie and dump pig’s blood on your ass!”

Mac snorted. “Did you turn the movie off right after that part?” 

“Yeah, I could have psychic powers and set everyone on fire for all you know!” Chandler sneered, watching as Duke hit her ball toward Chandler’s only for it to come up short. It was in the perfect position for Chandler to knock Duke out at her next turn. 

“Please.” Duke rolled her eyes. “If you had psychic powers, you’d never shut the fuck up about it!”

“She’s got you there, Heather.” Mac laughed. 

Chandler sighed and turned to Veronica. “Speaking of Homecoming, what are your plans? You can definitely come with us, if you want.”

“Nice deflection, Heather.” Veronica scoffed, smiling until she noticed that all The Heathers were looking at her expectantly. “Anyway, I’m not going. Dances aren’t really my thing, you know?”

“Well, have you  _ been  _ to a dance?” Duke asked.

“No.” Veronica replied. 

“Then how do you know if they’re not your thing?” Mac asked. “Dances are fun! You’re basically just hanging out with your friends and dancing to music.”

Veronica frowned at Mac. “Well, it’s not like anyone’s ever  _ asked _ me to a dance.”

“I’ve never gone to a dance with a date.” Chandler said with a shrug. “Heather, Heather, and I always go as a group. It’s not a big deal.”

“It’s not a big deal for you guys, it’s different for me!” Veronica exclaimed. How could they think that just because they could do something, it meant that everyone could? 

Chandler rolled her eyes at Veronica. “Do you want to know why we can do things and you can’t?” 

Veronica nodded once. “Enlighten me.”

“Because we don’t make a big fucking deal of it!” Chandler nearly shouted, throwing her hands into the air. “It’s only a big deal if you make it one. No one will care if you don’t. As long as you act like it’s normal and okay, it will be normal and okay. It’s all about how you present yourself.”

Veronica frowned at that. It couldn’t possibly be that simple, could it? 

“You should come with us to Homecoming!” Mac grinned, clapping his hands together and bouncing on the balls of her feet. “It’ll be so much fun! We can go dress shopping together!”

“I don’t know...” Veronica bit her lip.

Chandler smirked. “How about this,” She said, using her mallet to support her weight. “You go to the dance with us, and if you don’t have fun, we’ll leave early and do whatever it is you were planning to do with you Saturday night.”

Veronica had been planning to do her laundry on Saturday and the thought of The Heathers helping her with her laundry was enough for her to immediately agree. “Okay... What’s the catch?”

“But, when you  _ do  _ have fun,” Chandler continued, there was a glint in her eye that Veronica was a little afraid of. “You have to play Monopoly with us.”

“ _ And  _ you have to be the banker.” Mac said. 

“ _ And  _ we each get an extra five hundred to start out.” Duke added. 

They both had the same look in their eye as Chandler, this must be how Kurt and Ram felt. If they weren’t so horrible, Veronica would feel bad for them. 

“If you’re so sure that you’re going to have a bad time, then this should be a no brainer for you, right?” Chandler said, her tone was sweet enough. But there was something underneath, something sour. 

“Fine.” Veronica nodded. “But when I go and have no fun, you guys are gonna have to help me do my laundry.”

Chandler scoffed and held out her hand. “Shake on it?” 

Veronica took Chandler’s hand. “Deal.” 

“I call wheelbarrow!” Mac exclaimed excitedly. 

“No way, that’s the best one!” Duke replied angrily, 

“Shut up, Heather” Chandler snapped. “Let’s focus on what’s important.” She looked at Veronica smugly. “Veronica is gonna be the shoe. That’s all that matters.”

* * *

“Veronica!” Veronica’s mother called from the bottom of the stairs. “You have a phone call!”

“Okay!” Veronica called back, putting her calculus homework into her backpack before heading down. “Who is it?”

“She said it was Heather.” Her mother paused. “But since you seem to collect Heathers, I’m not quite sure which one it was.”

“You caught me. I’m only one punch card away from a free Heather.” Veronica laughed as she picked up the phone. “Hi, Heather.”

_ “Hey, Veronica.”  _ Mac said, her tone wasn’t as chipper as it usually was.  _ “Are you busy right now?” _

“No, why?” Veronica asked, frowning a little bit. “Are you okay? You sound... off.”

_ “Not really...”  _ Mac paused for a moment.  _ “My dad is working late tonight, do you think you could come over? At least until he gets back? I don’t want to be alone right now.” _

“Hold on, let me ask my parents.” Veronica put the receiver on her shoulder and turned to the living room where her parents were. “Hey Mom?” She called. “Can I go to Heather’s house for a little while? Her dad’s working late and she doesn’t want to be home alone.”

“Do you have your homework done?” Her mother asked. 

“Yep.” Veronica nodded. 

“Okay, well, call us when you get there and let us know if you’re going to be staying late.” Her father replied. 

“Thanks, Dad.” Veronica said, putting the phone back up to her ear. “Hey, Heather. My mom and dad say it’s okay. I’ll be over in a little bit.”

_ “Thanks Veronica!”  _ Mac replied happily.  _ “I really appreciate it!” _

“No problem.” Veronica said. “See you.” 

_ “Okay.”  _ Mac hung up. 

One thing about The Heathers that baffled Veronica was that they always hung up without saying goodbye. It was so abrupt and weird. 

Veronica grabbed the keys to her mother’s station wagon and slipped her shoes on before heading out. Mac, and the other Heathers for that matter, lived on the other side of town, so it was a little longer of a drive than what Veronica was used to. Luckily, traffic was relatively light, so Veronica was able to make it to Mac’s house in twenty minutes. 

The neighborhood that Mac and the other Heathers lived in was known to be the more wealthy area of town. The houses were huge with big, perfectly manicured lawns, and big, fancy cars in the driveway. Somehow they all looked the same and different at the same time.

Veronica was happy that Mac had turned on her exterior lights and opened the garage door. She pulled into the driveway and frowned at the shiny, yellow, enormous truck sitting inside it. Did Mac’s dad get home early?

“Hey, Veronica.” Mac said as she opened the door for Veronica. Since when did Mac wear glasses? “Thanks for coming over, I really appreciate it.” She offered Veronica a soft, albeit slightly sad smile. 

“Don’t worry about it.” Veronica smiled as she stepped into Mac’s house. “Thanks for inviting me.” She paused. “Since when do you wear glasses?”

“Since I was six.” Mac shrugged. “I wear contacts for cheer. They kind of get in the way when I’m tumbling.”

This would be the first time Veronica ever hung out with a Heather in a one on one setting. It felt a little off balance with just Mac without Duke and Chandler flanking her. 

“Did your dad get home early?” Veronica asked, gesturing to the yellow truck. 

“Oh, no.” Mac shook her head and let out a little laugh. “That’s mine. Dad got it for me when I turned sixteen. Call it wishful thinking. He says that a car is nice, but a truck is an experience.” She shrugged. “Do you want to go up to my room?”

“Sure.” Veronica nodded, watching as Mac closed up the garage before following her up the stairs. 

There was something about The Heathers’ respective homes that made Veronica feel as if she were in a museum rather than a person’s home. They had no personality to them, like those model homes that realtors used. Hell, even the photos on the walls looked like they were those stock photos that came in picture frames. 

“Sorry for the short notice.” Mac said as they entered the living room. “Normally I’d ask Heather or Heather, but they’re both busy tonight and I didn’t want to bother them.”

“Oh, don’t worry about it.” Veronica replied. “I wouldn’t have come if I didn’t want to.” She sat down on Mac’s vanity bench. “But, you sounded off on the phone, what’s going on?”

Mac sat cross legged on her bed and frowned a little, nursing her bottom lip between her teeth. “Can I tell you something?”

Veronica nodded. “Of course.” 

“This is very important and very... private.”

Veronica scoffed. “Dude, I know that you’re secretly gay and that you and your best friend fuck when you get drunk.”

Mac’s frown deepened and she looked away. “Right...” She took in a deep breath. “I was having a bad night tonight and I really didn’t want to be alone.”

“Okay...” Veronica’s brow furrowed. “I’m not sure what you mean.”

“I don’t...” Mac sighed. “Last year I went through a time in my life where I... wasn’t doing well. I was in a really bad place. And... um... I’m better. I’m doing better, but sometimes I just...” She shifted a little and hugged her knees to her chest. “I feel like I can’t be alone.”

“Oh.” Veronica frowned and thought back to last year. At no point in time did she, or anyone for that matter, notice something was off with Mac. “I never knew.”

Mac snorted a little. “Yeah, well, I didn’t know your name last year, so I doubt I would’ve told you about my deepest, darkest mental health struggles.” 

“Oh, right.” Veronica replied, she shifted in her seat. “Do you... want to talk about it?”

“No, absolutely not.” Mac shook her head. “I don’t want to talk about my feelings. “You don’t need to hear about it, and I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Well, then we won’t.” Veronica said. “We can talk about whatever you want, it doesn’t matter.”

Mac nodded. Silence hung in the air for a few moments before Mac spoke up. “I lied to you before.” She said suddenly. 

“Oh?” That was a weird thing for Mac to want to talk about. 

“When we were talking about our first kisses.” Mac explained. “I lied about Ram being my first kiss.”

“Why?” Veronica asked. That seemed like such a weird thing to lie about. 

“I didn’t want you to feel awkward after Heather and Heather told you about their first kisses with me.” Mac said. “So, I lied about kissing Ram when we were ten, you know, because you’re not...” She averted her eyes. “I didn’t want to make you feel more awkward, so I lied about my first kiss not meaning anything. The truth is that it really did mean something. And you were so nervous about everything... I didn’t want you to be super uncomfortable with a... with someone who’s.... someone like me being your first kiss. I’m sorry.”

Veronica frowned deeply. She didn’t like how Mac was talking about herself. “Well,” She forced a smile and leaned forward a little, resting her elbows on her knees. “Who was your first kiss, then? I mean, you know all about mine. It’s only fair.”

Mac looked up at Veronica, her face unreadably blank for several moments before she grinned widely. She released her knees and shifted back to sitting cross legged, sitting up straighter. “Okay, so Heather and I were at her house...” She paused before laughing. “Heather  _ Chandler _ and I were at her house on Halloween. We were trying to watch as many spooky movies as we could before going to bed, and we were trading our trick or treat candy. And Beetlejuice had  _ just  _ ended and we were about halfway through when Heather told me she’d give me a kiss for my White Mystery Airhead. And I was kind of annoyed with that offer because seriously? One Hershey’s Kiss? For an Airhead? I mean, like, no thanks. So I told her that I’d need at least two for it to be worth my Airhead.”

“Who even gives those out on Halloween?” Veronica asked. 

“Mrs. Conrad, who lived on Wellingford, used to before she died.” Mac shrugged. “Anyway, so I told her that. And she was all like, ‘Are you sure?’ and I was like ‘Duh’ and she leaned forward and...” Mac’s cheeks turned red. “Yeah.”

“How old were you?”

“We were...” Mac paused, thinking back. “We were eleven, I think.”

“How long have you guys known each other?” 

“Forever.” Mac shrugged, flopping onto her back and looking at the ceiling. “Our dads started golfing together when we were like five or something. Then we met Heather when her dad joined our dads’ league.”

“So you have golf to thank for your best friends?” Veronica couldn’t help but laugh. 

“They’re not just my best friends.” Mac said. “I don’t know what I would do without them. Heather... Chandler and I, we were each other's first everything. And Heather Duke and I... it’s hard to explain. We’re different from just friends.”

“Right.” Veronica nodded. “You guys are your own entity. You’re The Heathers.”

“That’s one way to define us, huh?” Mac replied softly. She was quiet for a moment. “Do you have a crush on anyone, Veronica?” 

Veronica’s eyes widened at that. What kind of question was that? How could Veronica possibly have a thing for any of the guys at Westerburg, where Kurt Kelly and Ram Sweeney were seen as the pinnacle of male perfection? Absolutely not. 

“No.” Veronica shook her head. “Every guy at Westerburg is a fucking pig.”

Mac looked at Veronica thoughtfully before smiling. “Fair enough.” 

“So, does your dad work late a lot?” Veronica asked. 

“Yeah.” Mac nodded. “He works a lot. Sometimes he goes on business trips over the weekend. Usually I’m okay, or I have Heather or Heather with me.”

“How come you never throw parties if your dad leaves town a lot?”

“My dad has a really intense no party rule ever since my cousin, Jake, threw this absolute rager at my dad’s brother’s house a few years ago. Someone broke their pool table, someone took a dump on my uncle’s computer, but the worst thing is that someone stole these old, antique photos of my grandmother. Everyone was freaking out about it because those were the only copies of those photos that we had.”

“What the fuck?”

“Yeah, we never found out who it was, either. Dad’s still pissed at Jake for throwing that party.”

“Jesus.”

* * *

Veronica trailed behind The Heathers as they took her Homecoming dress shopping. She’d had a little bit of practice with going shopping with them, so at least this time she could sort of keep up with their fast pace. Before they’d even gotten out of the car, Chandler had gone over their game plan. The Heathers were going to get their dresses sorted first, then combine their efforts when they were done. It made strategic sense, but Veronica had never been more bored outside of school in her life. 

“Now, Veronica.” Chandler said once she and the other two had their dresses. “Before you even decide what kind of dress you want, you need to know the cardinal rule of Homecoming dresses. Short dresses are for Homecoming, long dresses are for prom. And before you even ask, high-lows are not allowed.”

“High-lows are only for bridesmaids who’ve pissed off the bride.” Duke added. 

Chandler let out a little laugh before continuing. “And you’re not going to wear Doc Martins or Converse to the dance, either. You’re wearing heels.”

“I can’t walk in heels.” Veronica said as The Heathers led her away from the dressing rooms and back toward the dresses. 

“Don’t worry about that.” Mac shrugged. “We’re gonna find you something with a low, thick heel. Anyone can walk in those. Trust me.”

At no point in her life did Veronica ever actually enjoy shopping. She wasn’t a particularly clothing minded person and it always felt pointless to spend more than twenty minutes picking out clothes. And yet here she was, trying on dresses after school. It took longer than it did when they went to pick out her date clothes, mostly due to the fact that The Heathers insisted that she also like the dress that they wanted to shove her into rather than just picking things out for her like last time. She kind of missed that. 

“Veronica, get your Lydia Deetz looking ass out here and show us your dress!” Chandler demanded from outside the dressing room. 

“Who the hell is Lydia Deetz?” Veronica heard Duke ask. 

“The goth girl from Beetlejuice.” Mac replied. 

“Oh, I see it now.” Duke said. “That’s kind of a deep cut there, Heather.”

“Hurry up!” Chandler snapped. “We need to get your dress picked out, then we can get your shoes and jewelry.”

Veronica rolled her eyes and exited the dressing room. With this being the seventh dress that she’d tried on, she was fully sure that The Heathers were going to hate this one just like the others. She hadn’t even bothered to zip up the dress all the way. 

“Will someone do my zipper for me?” Veronica asked, turning around. 

Chandler stepped behind Veronica with a small smile. Veronica pretended not to notice Chandler’s breath at the back of her neck or the way Chandler’s hand grazed the small of Veronica’s back as she secured the hook and eye. Chandler zipped the dress up quickly and moved back to the other two. 

“Wow.” Duke said. “Your boobs look really good in this one.”

“Turn around so we can see your ass.” Chandler ordered, crossing her arms. 

“And stand up straight.” Mac instructed.

Veronica did as she was told and slowly spun around, showing off the entire dress. 

“How does it feel?” Chandler asked. “Is it too tight anywhere?”

Veronica shook her head. “No, it’s pretty comfortable.”

“This is the one.” Chandler announced. “Blue is definitely your color, Veronica.”

Mac and Duke nodded. 

“Aren’t I supposed to feel like a princess in this?” Veronica asked, looking at herself in the mirror. She looked like Veronica Sawyer shoved into a dress. 

“Yeah, after you accessorize and get your hair and makeup done.” Mac was bouncing excitedly now. “Can I please do your makeup?”

“I was kind of under the impression that you were already gonna do it.” Veronica said. 

“Yes!” Mac exclaimed with a sunny grin. 

“Maybe silver shoes would look good with this dress...” Duke murmured as she studied Veronica’s dress. “But a nude could work too, I think.”

“I like the idea of a silver shoe too.” Chandler nodded. “It could even be a darker gray, actually.” 

Veronica went back into the dressing room while The Heathers discussed the pros and cons of a darker shoe. Hopefully when she was done, they’d have everything ironed out when it came to accessories. 

“Veronica, hurry up!” Chandler called. “We need you to try on shoes.”

* * *

Veronica was sitting in her last class of the day, barely listening to her economics teacher as he droned on about how wrong Ronald Regan was about everything as he passed out their worksheets for the day. She cast a look toward the other side of the classroom and frowned, this was the only class she had with The Heathers and they were so far away. Mac snickered at something and based on the way Duke was smirking, it must’ve been something she’d said. Veronica was so bored that she wished she’d heard it. 

Her thoughts were interrupted by the familiar ding that preceded announcements. “ _ Attention Westerburg students, as you all know, this week is Homecoming week. The Homecoming game will be this coming Friday with the dance this Saturday. Tickets to the dance will be on sale at both lunches Tuesday to Thursday. Voting for Homecoming Court will be held on Wednesday and final votes will be cast on Friday. Thank you. _ ”

Veronica rolled her eyes and now fully turned to look at The Heathers, as did most of the classroom. Veronica knew right off the bat that one of them was going to win, she wasn’t completely sure which Heather would win. They all had a good enough chance of winning.

“You know, Veronica,” Chandler said as she, Duke, and Mac approached. Chandler sat in the empty seat beside Veronica while Mac sat on the desk and Duke sat on Veronica’s desk. “You might end up on Homecoming Court this year. I know I’m going to vote for you.” 

Veronica scoffed. “Shut up.” She leaned back in her seat and crossed her arms. 

“No way, Veronica.” Duke said with a smile. “Who else would everyone vote for? Fucking Courtney?”

“Gross.” Mac giggled. 

“Seriously, you guys.” Veronica scowled. “Just because I hang out with you guys doesn’t mean I’m Homecoming Court material.”

The Heathers rolled their eyes. 

“All you need to be Homecoming Court material is name recognition.” Duke shrugged. 

“Tits don’t hurt either.” Chandler laughed. 

“That’s true, I base all my Homecoming Court votes on that.” Mac nodded seriously. 

“Does that mean I have your vote?” Chandler and Duke asked together. 

Veronica shook her head and laughed. 

“Speaking of Homecoming,” Duke said, putting her book in her lap and using it as a clipboard so she could do her worksheet. “Stupid Dennis was supposed to take photos of the parade for the yearbook this year, but he managed to catch mono. So now I either have to cover it myself or give a freshman one of the cameras and hope everything turns out okay.”

“So you’re gonna be late to the game, then?” Mac asked, she was doing her worksheet too. Though she and Chandler seemed to prefer a more collaborative approach. “I’m allowed to reserve a parking spot near the gate, want me to make sure you can park?”

“Please and thank you.” Duke sighed, shaking her head a little. “This is gonna suck.”

“Sorry, Heather.” Mac said. “I’d keep you company, but I’m not even going home after school on Friday. We’re going straight to the field to get some extra practice in.”

“Me too, unfortunately.” Chandler said with a frown. “Student leadership has to get there early. We’re helping the Athletic Boosters set up for the game.” She rolled her eyes. “They wanted to make us work the ticket gate for the game too, but I put a stop to that. It’s our fucking Homecoming game and they want to make us miss it? Screw that.”

“I can keep you company, Heather.” Veronica shrugged, she never went to the Homecoming parades. Martha was in the marching band, and Veronica had always felt that going to a parade wasn’t really a solitary experience. 

“Oh my god, you’re the best.” Duke smiled. “I wasn’t even fishing for an offer, I was just bitching.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Veronica shrugged. “So, what do you even have to do?”

“I have to get to the parade early and take photos of the parade floats and the marching band.” Duke said after a moment of thought. “Then I have to get some photos of the parade itself. That’s the hard part because I have to get the floats in action but I don’t want to get ugly, crying kids in every frame, ya know? I swear, those little gremlins ruin almost every photo they’re in. This is why I can’t send a freshman out, none of the pictures would be usable.”

“Right.” Veronica was sure that Duke was exaggerating. “Do you have someone covering the game?”

“Oh, definitely.” Duke nodded. “But she has to get there early to take pictures of the football team before they’re all muddy. There’s no way one person could cover both things. Especially because we’re supposed to get quotes from at least four members of each team.”

Mac groaned. “I hate giving quotes.” She whined. “I never know what to say, so it always ends up being about school spirit. I really don’t have that much school spirit.”

“I thought school spirit was like... the main reason people became cheerleaders.” Veronica said.

“Not really.” Mac replied. “I only joined because I thought I’d look cute in the uniform. And I was right.”

Duke and Chandler nodded in agreement. 

“The uniform really does suit you.” Veronica said. “It shows off how buff you are.”

“Thanks!” Mac grinned. 

“Yeah, you can really see your McNa-Muscles in those uniform tops.” Duke said, barely containing her own laughter. 

“Shut up, Heather.” Chandler groaned.

* * *

“God, I hate math.” Mac grumbled during lunch as she furiously worked on her homework. “If I don’t get at least a B on this next test, I’m gonna start setting fires.” 

“There’s no shame in switching out,” Duke said, leaning over Mac’s shoulder as she worked. “You’ve still got a week before the cut off date.”

“It would screw up my whole schedule, though!” Mac exclaimed. “I already took pre-calc last year, and AP Stats is only scheduled one hour a day, so I’d have to switch my Lit from second period to fifth. Which means I’d have to drop APUSH! I’m stuck in this trash class until we graduate.”

“Why do you guys take so many AP classes?” Veronica asked. “No offense, but they all seem excessive.”

“Our parents.” The Heathers said in unison, not looking up from Mac’s homework. 

“My mom is still trying to convince me to drop Yearbook so I can take another class instead.” Duke scowled. “Even though I need extracurriculars for my college application.”

“Your parents still pushing you to go to Duke?” Chandler asked.

“Yeah, I think they just want to take my picture next to the big sign.” Duke rolled her eyes. 

The announcement bell dinged and everyone looked up. 

_ “Attention Westerburg students,”  _ The voice droned.  _ “The results for Homecoming Court are in. For the boys, we have Kurt Kelly, Ram Sweeney, Samuel Williams, and Jack Wright.”  _ Veronica vaguely knew that Sam and Jack were on the football team, but they weren’t particularly memorable.  _ “And the girls are Heather Chandler,”  _ Chandler didn’t even look up when her name was called.  _ “Heather Duke,”  _ Duke was still looking over Mac’s homework.  _ “Heather McNamara,”  _ Mac glanced up briefly, her frown still in place as she worked.  _ “And Courtney Wills.” _

“Sorry, Veronica.” Chandler scowled. “You would have looked a lot better on Homecoming Court.”

“Courtney is such a bitch, too.” Duke said. “And everything she says for the weekly poll is so fake.” 

“And she wears clashing patterns all the time.” Mac supplied. “It’s really upsetting just to look at her sometimes.”

“You guys do understand that I don’t care about being on Homecoming Court, right?” Veronica asked. “I’m only going to the dance because I think it would be funny to see you guys help me with my laundry.”

* * *

The only person in the world who seemed to hate parades more than Veronica Sawyer had to be Heather Duke. They’d been at the Homecoming parade for almost two hours and Duke had been in a terrible mood for the majority of it. There was a brief moment when two little kids started wrestling over a piece of candy and Duke laughed at that. 

“Are we almost done?” Veronica groaned as Duke snapped a photo of the junior varsity boys’ soccer float. 

“Almost.” Duke replied. “We need to get a picture of the parade heading to the school.” She began walking to her car. “And let’s get out of here quick.”

“You don’t have to tell me twice.” Veronica said, speeding up to match Duke’s pace. “Do we have a narrow window or something?”

“No,” Duke shook her head. “My mom and dad are here, I’m avoiding them.” 

“Why are you avoiding your parents?” Veronica asked. 

Duke rolled her eyes. “It’s my hobby.” There was venom in her tone. 

“Fair enough.” Veronica shrugged, glancing around the crowd as they approached Duke’s Jeep. 

Duke barely waited for Veronica to click her seatbelt before she peeled out of the parking lot. There was something about the way Duke drove that made Veronica uneasy, sometimes she was a careful driver that followed the rules of the road. Other times, she drove like a bat out of hell and Veronica was horrified every time. 

“Who the hell gave you your license?!” Veronica demanded when they got ahead of the parade. 

Duke took a couple photos of the parade. “Hey now, I’m an excellent driver.”

“Oh right,” Veronica rolled her eyes. “How could I forget that you’re supposed to leave your passengers wishing for the sweet embrace of death?”

“Shut up.” Duke said. “I’ll have you know, you’re the only one who’s complained about my driving.”

“No offense, but Heather and Heather seem like the kind of people who have no sense of self preservation.”

Duke laughed and nodded. “I can’t argue with that.” She took another photo and started the ignition. “Let’s get to the game.”

Veronica held onto her arm rest tightly as Duke took off. “Can you drive like a human?!”

“No.” Duke snapped, hitting the gas harder. 

Veronica let out a little shriek. “Why are you like this?!”

“I don’t know,” Duke said in her usual sarcastic tone. “Maybe it’s because of the control issues I got from my parents. Or because I hate driving like a damn old lady.”

Duke took a very sharp turn. 

“Holy shit!” Veronica wailed. “We want to get to the game alive, don’t we?!”

“Don’t be a pussy.” 

The parking lot was packed by the time Duke pulled in, people had even started parking on the school’s lawn. It would be impossible to find a spot if it weren’t for Mac, who had reserved a parking spot. Or at least Veronica thought it was Mac, she couldn’t think of anyone else who would’ve drawn a chalk picture of Duke with rabbit ears on the parking space. 

“Aw,” Veronica smiled when Duke parked. “You look so cute as a bunny!”

“I’ll kill you with my bare hands.” Duke said, but there was no bite in her tone. 

“I’m so sure.” Veronica scoffed as she and Duke hopped out of the car. 

* * *

Martha being part of the matching band was the only reason Veronica ever bothered to go to football games, and usually they left after the halftime show. But now here she was, in the student section of the bleachers no less, watching the actual football game. This made her realize one thing, Veronica was the only girl in this section that actually knew anything about football.

“What just happened?” Duke asked. 

“How the hell am I supposed to know? I only go to these things to watch the cheer team.” Chandler scoffed. 

“We got a sack.” Veronica said with a smile. “It means we tackled the quarterback before he could throw the ball. It’s really good for the defense.” 

“Oh...” Both Duke and Chandler turned their attention back to the game. 

Veronica had to admit that it felt nice to know more about something than The Heathers. They were always teaching her things that seemed like it should be common knowledge, but now Veronica was able to do that for them. She smiled a little at that and leaned forward to watch the game. 

“Wow, this game’s going by fast.” Chandler said, as she led Veronica and Duke to the railing that separated the bleachers from the track. 

“We’ve been here for an hour and a half!” Veronica exclaimed. 

“I know right?” Mac’s voice rang out as she met them at the railing. “It’s going by so quick!” 

“That can’t be right.” Veronica replied, watching as Mac climbed the railing and perched herself on top. 

“Nope, it’s right.” Mac said, casting a glance toward the scoreboard. 

“You’re looking good out there, Heather.” Chandler smiled. 

“Yeah, I’ll admit that I didn’t think that the new formation would work when you showed us on paper.” Duke said, leaning against the rail. 

“When are you gonna get on top of the pyramid?” Veronica asked. 

“I’m not a flyer anymore,” Mac replied easily. “So, probably never.”

“Anymore?”

“After my first concussion, Coach and I agreed that maybe I shouldn’t be lifted in the air so much.” 

“That’s a wise decision.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick announcement, I've decided to expand this AU. There are so many side stories that don't quite fit in with the plot/tone of this story and I really want to share them.


	5. Dance Your Ass Off

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, work decided it needed to kick my ass over the past week and a half. 
> 
> There are some mentions of alcohol here, but nothing major.

Veronica couldn’t stop pacing around the kitchen and looking at the clock. It was half past four in the afternoon on the day of the dance and Veronica was supposed to be getting ready with The Heathers. Chandler had told her that they’d come get her at around three. The dance was supposed to start at eight, how the hell were they supposed to get ready for the dance and still make it on time at this rate?

“Stop worrying, Honey.” Veronica’s father called from the living room. “I’m sure your friends will be here soon.”

As if on cue, there was a pounding on the front door followed by Heather Chandler’s voice. “VERONICA! OPEN UP!”

“You’re being paged.” Veronica’s mother sighed. “You know, those girls seem nice enough, but there’s something... off about them.”

“They’re just...” Veronica couldn’t find the right word to describe The Heathers. “They’re definitely different.”

“We’ll have to have them over for dinner sometime.” Veronica’s mother said.

Veronica didn’t want to imagine what would happen if The Heathers and her parents were in an enclosed area for an extended period of time. “Yeah, maybe.” She said, hurrying to the front door. 

“It took you guys long enough!” Veronica said as she opened the front door. “Why the hell didn’t you call?!”

It took everything in Veronica’s power to not let out a little shriek when she saw what The Heathers looked like. Chandler had her hair up and her makeup done, she was wearing a too large, red and blue flannel shirt, Duke was wearing large sunglasses that covered almost half of her face and a deep green zip up hoodie with the hood up over her head, and Mac had on absolutely no makeup, her hair was perfect, and she was wearing her varsity letter jacket with nothing but a sports bra underneath. Veronica had never seen them looking anything less than perfect, this was... almost comical. 

“We lost track of time, don’t worry about it.” Chandler rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. 

“Why wouldn’t I worry about it?!” Veronica demanded. “We’re gonna be late!”

“What?” Mac asked in disbelief. 

“To the dance?” Veronica prompted. “That starts at eight?!”

“No one gets to dances at exactly eight.” Duke replied, not even bothering to hold back her laughter. “Showing up at eight would be insane.”

“They don’t even do the crowning until ten.” Chandler shrugged. “Now get your shit and let’s get you looking gorgeous.”

“And be quick about it, I look like an idiot!” Duke snapped, gesturing to her head. 

“Don’t forget to stop by the house after you’re dressed!” Veronica’s mother reminded as Veronica ran in and grabbed her duffle bag and dress off of the dining room table. “I want to take some photos of you before your first ever high school dance!”

“I’ll try, Mom.” Veronica replied as she stepped out the door. The Heathers were already waiting in Duke’s Jeep. 

“HURRY UP!” Chandler shouted as she honked Duke’s horn. 

“Oh my god, were you raised by wolves?!” Veronica groaned before heading toward the Jeep. 

* * *

“Okay, seriously, I need you to stop wiggling around.” Duke grumbled, grabbing the sides of Veronica’s head and roughly making her face the mirror. “I’m trying to work,” She turned to Chandler and Mac. “Stop distracting her!”

Veronica rolled her eyes at that, wincing a little when Duke pulled her hair a little more roughly than usual. They were in Heather Duke’s bedroom, Veronica was sitting on Duke’s vanity bench while Duke stood behind her, trying to get her hair to get it into the kind of curls she wanted. The whole room smelled like hairspray and hot hair, it was starting to hurt Veronica’s head. 

“Fine, Heather.” Chandler replied from somewhere behind them. Veronica tried to look at her in the mirror without moving her head, she may have caught a glimpse of her arm. She could practically hear Chandler’s eye roll. 

“You’d think your head was on a swivel.” Duke muttered mostly to herself as she clipped another piece of Veronica’s hair in place. “Your hair isn’t even long enough to do too much with, it’s not even going to take long.”

“It’s not my fault that I’m not used to this.” Veronica replied, earning a glare from Duke. 

“Yeah, it kind of is!” Duke smacked Veronica with her comb. “Now hold the fuck still and stop bitching! You’re gonna look awesome, suck it up.”

Veronica sighed. “Fine.”

It didn’t take long until Duke had Veronica’s hair just the way she wanted it and was at the hairspray application stage. Veronica swore that by the time Duke was done, there was going to be a hole in the ozone layer right above their heads. She held her breath when Duke had to spray the front of her head, thankful for the way Duke shielded her eyes. 

“So do you guys usually go out to dinner?” Veronica asked Duke before glancing at the clock. It was half past seven. 

“Most people do, but there’s a rumor that we date college guys.” Duke said, looking at her hair from different angles. “Running into other people on dates doesn’t really sound super fun. No one knows where we go or what we do before and after dances.”

“You put a lot of effort into this kind of stuff.” Veronica said, furrowing her brow. 

“Well, you know how it can be.” Duke replied quickly. “It’s hard being a girl and it’s hard being... you know. The way we are.”

“Are you not okay with it?” The words escaped Veronica’s lips before she even had time to think about what she was saying. At least Chandler and Mac hadn’t heard her. 

“I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that.” Duke all but hissed in Veronica’s ear before turning to the other two. “All right, her hair is perfect.” She said at full volume. “Heather, you’re up.” 

“Yay!” Mac exclaimed, hopping off of Duke’s bed and hurrying over. She took Veronica’s face in her hands gently, looking at her skin intensely. “You did a pretty good job applying your foundation, but you need to work on your blending.” 

Veronica didn’t think she would ever get used to the way that Mac’s tone could go from excited to completely devoid of emotion the moment she focused on something. Or the intense stare that Mac had when she got to work either, for that matter. She obeyed every one of Mac’s orders, or at least she tried to. 

Her eye just would not stop twitching whenever Mac tried to do her eyeliner. 

“I’m so happy we decided to wait before trying out this lipstick.” Mac said to no one in particular. “It would’ve been a waste if we’d used it for your date with Kurt.” 

Veronica shuddered at the thought. “Don’t remind me.” She muttered. 

“Please don’t talk while I’m applying lipstick.” Mac’s voice was slightly absent. “Hitting a moving target is not easy.” She gently swiped at Veronica’s lower lip with her thumb, Veronica tried to ignore the way her skin tingled a little at the action. 

“She looks perfect, Heather.” Chandler said once Mac began to cap her lipstick. 

“Thanks!” Mac smiled brightly. She turned to Veronica. “I’m really happy with her eyeshadow. There are so many girls who don’t know how to do their makeup. I can’t even begin to tell you how much I hate garage door lids.”

Veronica’s brow furrowed. “I don’t get it.”

“It’s when a girl uses one solid color on her eyelids,” Mac explained. “Then spreads it up to her eyebrows. It just looks so bad.”

“Just look at Courtney’s makeup when we get to the dance.” Chandler added. “I swear she airbrushes it on with a stencil or something.” 

“That’s too nice, Heather.” Duke snickered. “It’s too thick and crooked to be airbrushed, she definitely uses a paint roller.”

Chandler let out a little laugh before shoving Veronica’s dress into her lap. 

“Get dressed.” Duke ordered as she moved to grab her own dress. “My mom wants to get pictures before we go.”

“Don’t forget about my mom, too.” Veronica headed over to Duke’s adjoining bathroom. 

“Sure, sure.” Chandler said with a dismissive wave. “Just get dressed. “

* * *

After meeting Heather Duke’s mother, Veronica could confidently say that she completely understood why Duke always seemed to actively avoid her parents. Mrs. Duke was one of the most unpleasant people that Veronica had ever met. She had spent almost forty-five minutes ordering the girls around and micromanaging every one of their poses. 

And she wouldn’t stop calling Veronica ‘Not Heather’, technically she was right, but Veronica had corrected her seven times. 

“Veronica, you look like a princess!” Veronica’s mother exclaimed when Veronica and The Heathers arrived at her house. “Isn’t she beautiful, Honey?”

Veronica’s father smiled and nodded. “You look beautiful, Veronica.” 

“Thank you.” Veronica replied, blinking a couple times to try and hold back the tears.

Being made up by The Heathers had made Veronica feel beautiful, but right at that moment, Veronica was sure that she looked like a princess. All she was missing was a tiara and the crushing pressure that came with being born into royalty. 

“Don’t cry.” Chandler whispered into her ear. “Heather used waterproof mascara, but you don’t want your face to get all puffy for pictures.”

“I’m not going to cry.” Veronica lied, taking in a shaky breath.

No one looked particularly convinced. 

“Let’s get these photos taken!” Veronica’s mother announced. 

Veronica did as her mother asked and smiled for the camera. Chandler and Mac stood just behind Veronica’s mother, silently directing her and miming what kind of poses they wanted Veronica to be doing. Meanwhile, Duke stood off to the side, and offered tips on how to properly angle her body to make her photos more flattering. 

“Gather up girls!” Veronica’s mother ordered, gesturing for The Heathers to group up around Veronica. 

The Heathers looked slightly confused at the direction, but still did as they were asked to. Chandler situated herself in the middle, while Duke chose the end, and Mac moved between Chandler and Veronica. The Heathers came together effortlessly and smiled. Veronica stood a little off to the side for the photo until Chandler reached over and pulled her closer to the group. 

“Do you want it to look like you’re just some stranger who randomly showed up to our photos?” Chandler asked quietly, barely moving her mouth. 

The question made Veronica laugh a little. 

“Say cheese, ladies!” Veronica’s mother ordered. 

“No.” Veronica replied with a smile. 

* * *

As she and The Heathers walked through the double doors to Westerburg High, Veronica found herself wishing that she’d practiced walking in her heels more. Sure, she was steady enough, but there was a cobblestone path up to the school that Veronica had to account for, it wasn’t easy to keep her footing. The Heathers were wearing heels much higher than Veronica’s, they must have started practicing in their heels since they were toddlers. 

“We’re allowed to take our shoes off when we get in there, right?” Veronica asked when they entered the main hall. 

“Yeah, we’re allowed, but you probably shouldn’t...” Duke frowned as they got in line to check their tickets. 

“I’m just having a hard time keeping my balance.” Veronica replied. 

“I thought you said you practiced.” Chandler said in a slightly accusatory tone. 

“I did!” Veronica insisted. “You saw me once, remember? I stumbled and landed on my ass.”

Mac laughed a little at that. “Right, that was hilarious.”

“Well if it isn’t Heather and Heather,” Ms.Fleming sighed when Mac and Chandler reached the front of the line. “And Heather.” She said when Duke moved from behind Mac to pass her ticket to Ms. Fleming. 

“Hi, Ms. Fleming.” The Heathers chorused in an equally unenthused tone. 

Veronica watched as The Heathers exchanged their tickets for paper wristbands before stepping forward. 

“Well, don’t you look nice, Veronica.” Ms. Fleming said with a smile. 

One day Veronica was going to find out what exactly Ms. Fleming had against The Heathers. She’d asked Chandler once, only to be told that it was because they had ‘flushed the weed that Ms. Fleming kept stashed in her desk’. And while it sounded a little far fetched, Veronica had to admit that there was some kind of hostility there.

“What’s with the wristbands?” Veronica asked as she handed over her ticket.

“It’s to keep you kids from getting too...” Ms. Fleming cleared her throat and tried again. “It’s to make sure all the dancing remains appropriate.” She said finally. “If you’re caught dancing inappropriately, one of the chaperones will cut your wristband off. If you’re caught a second time, you’ll be escorted out of the dance.”

The Heathers scoffed, earning a glare from Ms. Fleming. 

“Just make sure that you’re being appropriate.” Ms. Fleming said to Veronica as she handed her a wristband. 

“We’ll  _ try _ to rein her in.” Chandler said in a falsely sweet voice, putting a hand on Veronica’s shoulder and leading her over toward Chandler’s locker. 

“Have fun, Veronica!” Ms. Fleming called after them. 

Veronica offered Ms. Fleming a smile. 

“What exactly did you guys do to her?” Veronica asked quietly. 

“No offense, but she’s a fucking teacher.” Chandler snapped. “We’re literally her students, any problem she has with us is her fucking problem. She needs to grow the hell up and stop acting like we’re some kind of criminals.” She began to do her combination. “We’re all members of the NHS, and we’re all in AP classes,  _ and  _ we all have tons of extracurriculars.”

“Whatever issue she has with us is purely personal.” Duke tossed her jacket and clutch purse into Chandler’s locker once the door opened. “None of us have even had a detention before.”

Mac followed suit and rolled her eyes. “It’s not just us, she treats all the girls on the cheer team like we’re just a group of airheads. I have a three point nine GPA, and she acts like I’m just some dumb bimbo.” 

“You’re not a bimbo.” Chandler said, holding her hand out for Veronica’s stuff. 

“It’s like she never heard about that stupid academic excellence pledge we all had to take.” Mac continued. “We have to promise to keep our grades up or else we can’t do our sports.”

“To be fair, I think Ram took that pledge too and he’s dumber than a box of rocks.” Duke said. 

Mac nodded with a scowl, flinching a little when Chandler slammed her locker door shut. 

“Okay, girls.” Chandler announced, standing up a little straighter. “Let’s get in there and get our crown.” 

“Who did you guys vote for, anyway?” Veronica asked.

“Heather.” The Heathers replied at the same time. Veronica didn’t know what she was expecting. 

It was Westerburg tradition that the freshman class had to plan the Homecoming dance, which included choosing a theme. Freshmen weren’t the most creative people in the world, so this meant that almost every Homecoming dance had a theme that was usually about some kind of glitz and glamour. This year, it looked like the theme was ‘The Silver Screen.’ At least that’s what the sign said, it all looked the same to Veronica. 

Entering the gym felt like entering another universe. The overhead lights were off, replaced with flashing colored ones and the music was loud, Veronica could feel the bass pounding beneath her feet. The energy was infectious, within a few seconds, Veronica found herself pumped up as Chandler and Duke each gripped one of her arms and pulled her deeper into the crowd. People still parted for them, to an extent, and allowed them to get right into the center of the gym near where the freshmen had set up the stage. 

“So this is a dance...” Veronica mumbled to herself as she glanced around all the dancing bodies.

It was kind of like Ram’s party, the way everyone was packed together. Veronica found herself almost wishing she’d done this before, she and Martha had always thought that dances were a couples thing and that they couldn’t go without dates. But here people were, dancing in groups and having fun. 

What other totally normal things had Veronica missed because of all her hangups? Veronica shook her head, there would be time later to open up that can of worms. Right then, all she wanted to focus on was dancing her ass off and having a good time with her friends. 

She was definitely going to make Martha go to The Winter Formal, though. 

“If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were having fun.” Chandler had to yell for Veronica to hear her over the music. 

Veronica turned to see almost identical smirks on each Heather’s face. 

“Looks like someone lost a bet!” Mac yelled, clapping a little before turning to Duke and Chandler. “I love winning!” 

“Shit.” Veronica wanted to be upset, but her body was buzzing too much for her to be truly upset.

“Hey ladies!” Came the yell of Ram Sweeney, right from over Veronica’s shoulder. 

Veronica turned to look at him, only to be hit by the intense smell of vodka and Red Bull. “Jesus Christ, are you drunk?” 

“That is a...” Ram paused to let out a preformative belch. “Yes.” 

“Are you brain damaged!?” Veronica heard Chandler demand. “You’re nominated to be Homecoming King, you dick! What are you gonna do if you win? Dance drunk off your ass?”

Kurt appeared beside Mac. “Like he’d dance any better sober.” He cackled before draping himself over Mac’s shoulders. “You know, it’ll be kinda cute if we both win...” 

Veronica watched as he said something into Mac’s ear, whatever it was made Mac roll her eyes and shove him away from her. 

“Jesus, Kurt, you’re drunk too.” Duke roughly poked Kurt in the chest. 

“Guilty as charged.” Kurt grinned, swaying when Duke poked him. “You’re cute when you’re mad.” 

Duke looked so angry for a moment before she smiled a tight, terrifying smile. “I must have misheard you. What did you just fucking say to me?” 

“Go sober up.” Chandler cut in, somehow the air around her seemed to go still despite the general energetic atmosphere. “Now. Fleming is on the prowl tonight and just looking to bust someone.”

Kurt and Ram looked at each other and laughed before stumbling off. 

Veronica watched as Duke and Chandler converged onto Mac for several moments before Chandler and Mac pushed their way through the crowd, leaving Duke with Veronica. 

“What did Kurt say to her?” Veronica asked, earning an eye roll from Duke. 

“Don’t worry about it, Heather’s got it handled.” Duke replied, but her face was a little pinched with worry. “They’ll be back in a second.” Duke shook her head and smirked at Veronica. “I really have no idea how Kurt and Ram haven’t been murdered yet.”

* * *

“Hello Westerburg students and happy Homecoming!” Ms. Fleming announced after stepping onto the stage. A spotlight shone onto her, making her the only clear thing Veronica could see. “It’s time to announce this year’s Homecoming King and Queen.”

The student began to cheer so loud that it sounded almost like a roar. 

“Now, if the Homecoming Court would join me on stage please!” 

Veronica watched as Chandler, Duke, and Mac moved to the stage and lined up behind Ms. Fleming along with the others. The way the light hit them made The Heathers look ethereal, almost godlike as they looked down on everyone else in the crowd. It was odd to not be up there with them, Veronica could admit that, but the joy she felt for her friends outweighed all that. 

“Now your Homecoming King is...” Ms. Fleming paused for dramatic effect, though Veronica thought she was maybe just having a hard time with the envelope. “Kurt Kelly!”

Kurt stepped forward with a big, dopey grin as the crowd cheered. Veronica scowled as he stumbled a little bit on his way to grab the crown from Ms. Fleming. She looked over to The Heathers, who were clapping politely for him, if Veronica hadn’t known any better, she’d have thought they actually liked him. 

“Thank you, Westerburg!” Kurt yelled into the mic as the crown was placed on his head. He loudly whooped and pulled Ms. Fleming into a tight hug. “You’re the best!”

“And for the girls.” Ms. Fleming said once Kurt released her. “Your Homecoming Queen is....” She paused for effect. “Heather Chandler.” 

The applause was thunderous as Chandler stepped forward and accepted her tiara before smiling at the crowd. She and Kurt posed on the stage while someone from the yearbook took their photo, she put her and on Kurt’s chest and pushed herself close to him. They looked like they could be a couple. 

“Let’s hear it for your Homecoming King and Queen!” Ms. Fleming said enthusiastically, pausing for one last bout of applause. “And it’s time for the Royalty Dance!” 

Veronica almost gagged when ‘I Don’t Wanna Miss A Thing’ by Aerosmith started to play over the speakers. The spotlight followed them as Kurt led Chandler to the dance floor, he stumbled a little, but it could be chalked up to him just being clumsy. She watched as Chandler swayed with Kurt with a smile plastered on her face. To anyone who didn’t know Chandler, it looked like she was having the time of her life.

“Disgusting.” Duke said over Veronica’s shoulder as she and Mac approached. 

Mac scowled when Kurt’s hands fell from Chandler’s waist and began to cup her ass. “I could break his wrists.” 

“You  _ should _ break his wrists.” Duke replied. 

* * *

“ _ I don’t wanna close my eyeeees, I don’t wanna fall asleeeep. _ ..”

The drive to Chandler’s house was filled with the sound of Mac and Duke singing in what had to be a purposely terrible falsetto. Veronica couldn’t help but laugh at the way that their singing seemed to bother Chandler. She tried to order the other two to stop singing, but every time she opened her mouth, they simply raised the volume of their singing. 

“You guys are dicks!” Chandler yelled as she came to an abrupt stop at the traffic light. 

“Oh lighten up, Heather.” Duke laughed as she kicked the back of Chandler’s seat. “We’re just joking.”

“Did you have fun at your first dance?” Mac asked with a smile. 

“I really did.” Veronica nodded. “I don’t even care if I lost the bet, I had a good time and I am ready to play monopoly with you guys.”

“Good!” Duke grinned. “Heather’s usually stuck being banker and she always ends up crying.”

“Hey!” Mac whined a little. “I wouldn’t cry if you guys didn’t yell at me.”

“We don’t yell.” Chandler scoffed. 

This kicked off an argument over whether or not The Heathers yelled at each other. Veronica leaned back in her seat, smiling fondly as her friends hurled insults at each other. There was no actual malice behind any of their insults, some of them were actually very creative. 

“Are you coming back to my place, Veronica?” Chandler asked, there was a hint of laughter in her tone, 

Veronica thought for a moment, just minutes ago, she was practically buzzing with energy. Now that she was able to sit down and rest, however, Veronica felt like all of her bones had been replaced with lead. All she wanted to do at that moment was curl up and fall asleep.

“No thanks, Heather.” Veronica shook her head. “Could you just drop me off at mine?”

“Sure thing.” Chandler nodded. 

“Before you pass out for the night, you need to remember to wash your face.” Duke said softly. She sounded just as tired as Veronica felt. 

“Don’t worry, I will.” Veronica replied.

“And your hair’s gonna look like a bird nest in the morning if you don’t comb it out tonight.” Mac added. 

Veronica had a feeling that Mac was speaking from experience. 

“Here we are.” Chandler announced, pulling into the driveway. “Get out of my car.”

“All right, all right.” Veronica said as she climbed out of Chandler’s car and grabbed her bag out of the backseat. “Thanks for making me go, Heather...s.”

The Heathers laughed at that. 

“You’re welcome, Veronica.” Chandler replied. “We’ll see you later, okay?”

“Sure thing.” Veronica nodded. “Drive safe, okay?”

“Impossible.” Duke laughed, earning a glare from Chandler. 

“Goodnight, Veronica!” Mac offered Veronica a wave and a smile. “I’m glad you had fun!”

Veronica bid her friends goodbye before heading into the house. The front door was unlocked and her parents were still up, waiting for her. They asked her how the dance had been and hung onto her every word as she told them everything of interest that had happened, with the exception of anything they would find inappropriate. Though part of her desperately wanted to tell them about the breast insert she’d found on the dancefloor and how Chandler had told her to put it back where she had found it because it didn’t belong to her. 

Maybe that was more of a story for Martha.

“Well, I’m happy you had fun, sweetie.” Her father said with a smile. 

“And you really do look beautiful.” Her mother added, leaning forward in her seat a little. “So, did you meet any boys at the dance?”

“Welp, I don’t think I need to be part of this conversation.” Her father made a goofy noise before standing up and leaving the living room. 

“Neither do I.” Veronica said, following her father’s lead and heading out of the room. “Nothing happened, Mom, I just had fun at the dance with my friends.”

* * *

“I’m telling you, Martha, it was so weird.” Veronica said once her face and hair were washed and she’d changed into her pajamas. “There was a girl running around all lopsided.”

Martha laughed on her end of the phone and stifled a yawn. “ _ That sounds like so much fun, Veronica! _ ”

“It was!” Veronica exclaimed. “And we’re totally going to the Winter Formal, whether we have dates or not!”

“ _ Are you sure? Wouldn’t it be weird if we went? _ ”

“No! It’s only weird if we make it.” Veronica thought back to what Chandler had told her before. “As long as we don’t make a big deal out of something, no one else will. We’ve missed out on too much because we were afraid of what everyone else would think.”

“ _... If you’re sure... _ ” Martha sounded unsure. 

“I am sure. I’m serious, Martha, you and I are gonna rock that formal. And we’re gonna look like princesses while doing it! It’s our senior year, Martha, we have to do this. Trust me, you’ll have so much fun!”

“ _ Okay, Veronica. _ ” Martha let out a little laugh. “ _ I’ll go with you to the Winter Formal. _ ” She paused. “ _ But if you want to ask me to Prom, I think I want a big sign made up _ .”

Veronica laughed at that. “I’ll be sure to keep that in mind.” She rolled her eyes. 

Martha yawned loudly. “ _ Hey, Veronica, I’m gonna turn in for the night. I’m glad you had fun, though, tell me more about it tomorrow?” _

“Sure thing, Martha.” Veronica said. “Goodnight.” 

“ _ Goodnight. _ ” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a huge problem with Ms. Fleming as a human being because of the way that she treats her students in both the movie and the musical. She is a teacher and the animosity she shows The Heathers (specifically in the song 'Beautiful') puts a bad taste in my mouth, and it is not appropriate for an adult to treat children in such a way. 
> 
> If you are a child and your teacher treats you in a way similar to the way Ms. Fleming treats The Heathers, reach out to your parents or a trusted adult. 
> 
> I could go on about this subject, but I don't want to write an essay about it. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	6. Not Spooky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone. Here's a list of what's referenced in this chapter:
> 
> The Awakening by Kate Chopin  
> Of Human Bondage by W. Somerset Maugham  
> Jawbreaker (1999)
> 
> There aren't any real spoilers for these works, but they're definitely referenced. And Jawbreaker is a great movie, can't recommend it enough.

There was a phenomenon where if a domestic cat was left on its own long enough, it would revert back to its feral state. Her father had told her that this was referred to as going ‘house feral.’ After seeing and hearing about how often The Heathers’ parents were out of the house, Veronica was sure that The Heathers had gone house feral. That was the only way to explain the horror show that was the game of Monopoly Veronica found herself part of. 

Though, she was less of a player and more like a referee. 

“Heather, get off of Heather!” Veronica exclaimed when Chandler had tackled Mac onto the floor after she had bought ‘Pennsylvania Railroad.’ 

“You know that it’s my strategy to buy all the Railroads!” Chandler growled. 

They paid her no mind as Mac wrapped her legs around Chandler’s waist and reversed their positions handily. “It’s everyone’s strategy to buy the Railroads! You’ve already got two, I couldn’t let you get them all! It’s just good sense!” She pinned Chandler’s hands above her head with one swift motion.

Veronica averted her eyes, feeling heat rise to her cheeks. Her mouth went a little dry, she couldn’t shake the feeling that she was intruding on a private moment. Especially with how close Mac and Chandler’s faces were, their noses were practically touching and their lips were mere inches apart. 

“She’s right, Heather and you know it. We’re all in it to win.” Duke said, she looked more interested in reorganizing her money than with whatever the hell was going on right next to her. “If you guys fuck up the board, you’re going to have to fix it.”

“Oh my god, fine, Heather!” Chandler rolled her eyes. “Just let me up!”

Mac sat up, not taking her eyes off Chandler. “Just remember, I can do this any time I want.” 

Veronica cleared her throat. “Heather, it’s your turn.” She said, nodding her head toward Duke. 

If Veronica had known that playing a game with The Heathers meant that there would be acts of violence, she would have thought twice about betting against them. So far Chandler had already torn the three property cards in half, Mac was balling up her bills and throwing them at the people she owed money to, and Veronica already had to wrestle a hammer from Duke. She didn’t even want to know what Duke was going to do with the hammer. 

Duke rolled the dice and let out a loud cheer when she saw the result. She’d landed on the Free Parking space. 

“Fuck you entirely!” Chandler shouted, slamming her hands against the coffee table. 

Duke laughed as she collected the bills from the center of the board. “You’re just mad because half of this came from you.”

“That’s exactly why I’m mad!” Chandler snapped. “Just you wait, you’ll land on my hotels and I’ll get all your fucking cash.” 

Veronica looked at the board and had to admit, Chandler was right. Each Heather had their own different strategies, Chandler had elected to buy and develop around one of the corners of the board so it was almost impossible to avoid landing on a property owned by her. Duke aggressively bought up properties as quickly as she could, she didn’t even bother with the Utilities. Mac’s strategy looked like she only wanted to sabotage the other two more than she wanted to win. 

Meanwhile, Veronica was simply trying to survive.

“I’m so scared.” Duke rolled her eyes. 

“It’s my turn.” Veronica announced, rolling the dice. She was at the point where she almost wanted to go bankrupt. It was exhausting to be the banker, babysitter, and to actually play the game. 

She rolled a five and landed on ‘Luxury Tax.’ 

“Tough break.” Mac said as Veronica doled out seventy-five dollars. 

Veronica shrugged and passed the dice to Chandler. “Your turn.”

Chandler didn’t roll immediately, instead choosing to take a few moments to assess her properties.”I want to put a house on Kentucky Avenue.” She said, passing Veronica the appropriate amount of money. 

“Sure thing.” Veronica took the money and handed Chandler one of the tiny, plastic houses that came with the game. 

Chandler rolled a seven and landed on a Chance square. “Well, fuck me gently with a chainsaw.” She muttered under her breath after reading her card. 

Veronica was about to ask what the hell that meant when Chandler cut her off. 

“Enjoy the charity.” She rolled her eyes and tossed a fifty dollar bill at Veronica, Mac, and Duke. 

“Gee wiz,” Duke rolled her eyes. “This is life changing.” 

“Shut up, Heather.” Chandler snapped, handing the dice over to Mac. “It’s your turn, Heather.” 

The game continued and this level of hostility never wavered as time wore on. The closest thing to a fight that happened was when Mac took Duke’s plate of pizza and frisbee tossed it across the room when Duke started a housing crisis. Veronica was less horrified by the sound of the plate shattering, and more so by the way The Heathers had disregarded the sound. Going bankrupt was a blessing, if Veronica was being honest. 

Two hours in and they were still going strong. This had to be a world record. 

“Please.” Veronica groaned, she was now laying on the floor and blindly doling out the cash as requested. “Please tell me it’s almost over. I’m so tired, you guys.”

“Fuck off, Veronica.” Duke snapped. There wasn’t a trace of exhaustion in her tone. “I’ve got Heather on the ropes.”

“No you don’t!” Chandler growled back. 

“Please, Heather.” Mac scoffed. “The only reason you made it to this round was because you were in jail for so long. “If you roll a one through five, you’re paying me. And you barely have any liquid assets left as it stands. You’re going to have to start auctioning off your properties.” She let out a little laugh. “Well, more of your properties.”

Veronica didn’t bother to look at the board to see what Mac meant. 

Chandler eventually went bankrupt and the other three had to physically stop her from flipping the board. It was another half hour after that before Duke ran out of money and Mac took home the victory. Veronica wasn’t sure how the hell that had happened, seeing as Mac’s main goal from the beginning was to simply hinder the others’ progress. 

“I can’t believe it’s over.” Veronica murmured as she, Duke, and Chandler cleaned up the game board. “I don’t think I’ll ever recover from this.” She turned to the two of them. “You’ve scarred me for life, I never want to play Monopoly again!”

Mac yawned from her spot on the sofa. The winner never had to clean up the mess, apparently. “Now that I think of it, Monopoly is kind of a trash game.”

“We should play Ticket to Ride, next.” Chandler said as she carefully counted the houses to make sure there weren’t any missing. 

“No way, we should play The Game of Life.” Duke argued. 

Chandler scoffed. “Please, Heather, you always try to sell your kids when you get in a pinch.”

“Somehow that doesn’t surprise me.” Veronica found herself saying. She glanced at the clock and was horrified to see that it was nearing one in the morning. “How the hell did you three manage to stretch a monopoly game for almost four hours?”

“We all really wanted the bragging rights.” Mac replied easily. “Which reminds me, Heather, Heather, is there something you wanted to say to me?”

The other two sighed before chorusing “You are a titan of industry” to Mac in an annoyed tone. 

“Am I a  _ pretty  _ titan of industry?” Mac asked, batting her eyelashes. 

“You’re beautiful.” Duke and Chandler sighed together.

* * *

Veronica sat at the lunch table, looking over her study guide for her AP Lit class. She wasn’t worried about the test that day, but it was still important to have a bit of a refresher. The Heathers, who had that class during second period, assured her that it would be a piece of cake, but Veronica would rather be safe than sorry. 

“Honestly, if you even read the back of the book you should be fine.” Chandler said, looking bored out of her mind. “All you have to know is that Edna is trapped in her little gilded cage and wants to bone Robert.”

“The hardest part is trying to spell the names right.” Mac added offhandedly, she was working on her math homework and therefore not paying much attention. “Ms. Fleming said she’d mark us down if we spelled the names wrong.”

“I think that was directed at us, specifically.” Duke said. “She was still a little miffed that Heather called Mademoiselle Reisz an old crone.”

Chandler laughed a little. “In my defense, I thought it was funny at the time. How was I supposed to know that the sewer witch that is Ms. Fleming would go off the handle?”

“She’s more of a gutter hag.” Duke said after a moment of thought. “Her being a witch implies that she has powers.”

“But I’d rather be in a gutter than in a sewer.” Chandler frowned before taking a sip of her Diet Coke. “Let’s go with sewer hag. That way she’s in a sewer with all the rats and shit and piss, but also she can’t cast spells.”

“It’s decided, Ms. Fleming is a sewer hag.” Duke said as she and Chandler high-fived with a smile.

“Of course you guys would have a committee to create insults.” Veronica found herself laughing. 

Chandler and Duke grinned at each other. 

“So, Veronica,” Chandler said, leaning forward and resting her weight on her elbows. “As much as I hate to change the subject, Halloween is fast approaching...”

“And?” Veronica furrowed her brow.

“And,” Duke rolled her eyes. “We, as in Heather, Heather, and myself, always do a group costume. Now that you’re part of the group, we figured we’d see if you wanted to... you know, be part of the group.”

Veronica thought for a moment, usually she and Martha gathered up the worst, most D list, scary movies they could find and make a night of it. This year, however, Martha’s grandparents’ fiftieth wedding anniversary was on the second of November and she was to go out of town with her whole family for the long weekend, starting right after school on Halloween. Veronica was planning to just stay home and pass out candy with her parents. 

“Sure thing.” Veronica shrugged. 

“Cool.” Chandler looked at Mac. “It’s Heather’s turn to pick a group costume, by the way.”

“You guys don’t go trick or treating, do you?” Veronica asked. She couldn’t picture the three of them going door to door begging for candy. 

The Heathers looked at each other. 

“Not quite.” Mac replied. “We’re doing that volunteer thing through the school where you take a few kids trick or treating around the neighborhood and then their parents come get them.”

“You should sign up if you want.” Chandler added. “We always need more people and it’s an easy way to get volunteer hours. The kids do whatever you say, it’s basically just going for a walk around the neighborhood. You don’t even really have to look at them.”

“We’re gonna watch our favorite scary movies after, you should come.” Duke said, looking over to Mac. “Do you know what we want to be, Heather?”

“I’m gonna need some time to ponder.” Mac said, closing her math book. “I don’t know any iconic groups of four off the top of my head.”

The first group that came to Veronica’s mind was The Teletubbies. There was no way in hell that she was going to tell The Heathers that, she didn’t want to risk it. 

“We need an answer by Wednesday.” Chandler said, pointing at Mac sternly. “Halloween is fast approaching and we need to look good.”

Mac mock saluted Chandler. “I’ll start brainstorming tonight.” 

“Speaking of making plans.” Veronica figured this would be the best time for a subject change. “My parents want me to have you guys over for dinner.”

The Heathers looked at Veronica like she’d grown a second head. 

“Why?” Mac asked. 

Veronica’s brow furrowed. “I’ve been spending a lot of time with you guys, is it so weird that my parents would want to get to know the people who are taking up some real estate in my life?”

“I guess not.” Chandler frowned. “Do they think you’ve... you know... gotten in with a bad crowd? Or something?”

“No.” Veronica shook her head. “Well, my mom thinks you’re all weird as hell, but they don’t think you guys are bad seeds.”

“So... They just want to meet us?” Duke asked. 

“Is it seriously so weird that my parents are taking an interest in my life?” Veronica exclaimed. 

“... Yeah, kinda.”

* * *

Veronica was nervous as she helped her mother set the table. The Heathers would be over any minute and while Veronica was sure that her friends knew better than to be inappropriate or rude to her parents, she was terrified that they might start bickering at the dining table. Her parents already thought that The Heathers were weird as hell and they had barely interacted, Veronica was sure that if The Heathers were themselves in front of her parents, she would be banned from seeing those girls ever again. 

“I’m so excited to get to know your friends a little better.” Veronica’s mother said as she put out the napkins. “I already know Martha so well, I feel like getting to know them will help us get to know you more.”

Veronica laughed. “You might want to run and hide if you get to know me too much.” 

Her mother sent her a fond smile. “I certainly hope you’re joking.” 

Just as Veronica was about to speak, there were three sharp knocks on the door. Veronica froze, half expecting to hear her name being screamed from outside. It was jarring to say the least. 

“I’ll get it.” Veronica’s father said as he walked to the door. 

“Is that them?” Veronica’s mother asked. “No one’s screaming.”

“Yeah,” Veronica nodded. “It’s kind of an inside joke between us.” She shrugged. “Heather Chandler does that to all of us.”

“What a card.” Her mother said with a confused look on her face. 

“To say the least.” Veronica nodded, turning toward the door as her father led The Heathers into the dining room. “Hi guys.” 

The Heathers had all elected to wear something more conservative than their usual outfits. It was like they were trying to look business casual. 

“Hi Veronica.” They chorused together. 

“Thank you so much for having us over, Mr. and Mrs. Sawyer.” Chandler said as they entered the room fully. “Is there anything we can do to help out before dinner?”

Mac and Duke both smiled and nodded, looking at Veronica’s mother expectantly. 

“You’re just in time, actually.” Veronica’s mother smiled. “Dinner is ready and Veronica and I have got the table all set. Why doesn’t everyone sit down and Mr. Sawyer and I will bring dinner out.”

Veronica moved to the dining room table while her parents entered the kitchen. “Take a seat guys.” Veronica said, gesturing to the table. 

Mac and Chandler sat on one side of the table while Duke sat beside Veronica on the other side. They sat ramrod straight, like they were awaiting a job interview or something. Veronica had to admit that it kind of felt good to know that they were taking this as seriously as she was. 

“I know we just told you to tell your mom to make your favorite,” Mac whispered, she looked a little concerned. “But what did she make?”

“Spaghetti with extra oregano.” Veronica replied. 

Mac let out a sigh of relief. “Okay cool.”

Her parents returned and they began to break bread and eat. They made some small talk for a little while, Chandler and Duke led the conversation a little more than Mac did. Veronica was surprised that Chandler hadn’t ordered Duke to shut up at least once since dinner had started. She was expecting it. 

“So, Heather.” Veronica’s father paused. “Uh... Heathers. What do you do outside of school? Are you part of any groups? Any hobbies?”

“Well, I’m the senior class representative to the PTA.” Chandler said, sitting up straighter. “I'm also a member of the NHS. I used to be on the debate team, but it conflicted with student leadership. So I had to drop it in my sophomore year.”

“We’ll it sounds like you keep busy.” Veronica’s mother said with a smile. “And what do the rest of you do?”

“I’m head of the yearbook committee.” Duke said. “It’s a lot of work, I assign most of the stories and me and the advisor are going to edit and put the yearbook together. I’m also in the NHS with Heather. And I do a lot of reading.”

“What kind of books do you like?” Veronica’s father perked up. “I, myself, like spy novels.”

Duke smiled and nodded. “I’m more of a fan of the classics, myself. Moby Dick is an old favorite, but right now I’m reading Of Human Bondage.”

Veronica frowned at that. “I’m sorry, what are you reading?” 

“Of Human Bondage, by W. Somerset Maugham.” Duke said, turning to Veronica. “It was written in like nineteen-ten or something, and it’s all about this orphan with a clubfoot living in London.” 

“Oh, I think I’ve read that with my bookclub.” Veronica’s mother smiled. “It’s a little wordy, don’t you think?”

“So far, it’s pretty good.” Duke shrugged. “It’s no Moby Dick, though.” She turned to Chandler. “Heather has some opinions about Herman Melville.” 

Veronica watched Chandler fight an eyeroll. 

“And Heather, what about you?” Veronica’s father prompted.

Veronica fought the urge to laugh at her father’s poor attempt at a subject change. He only ever read trash books and beach reads, the classics didn’t hold his interest in the least. 

“Oh,” Mac looked a little like she had been taken by surprise. “I’m head of the cheer team. It’s my job to help the coach put together stunt formations and choreograph routines, I also run the pre-practice drills. I’m also part of NHS.” 

Veronica had almost forgotten just how perfect these girls were on paper. They were every parents’ wet dream, people sent their children to school in the hopes that they would fall into The Heathers’ crowd. And here Veronica was, in their crowd, completely on accident. 

“Wow, you girls certainly keep very busy, don’t you?” Veronica’s mother sounded very impressed, and also a little concerned. “You are making sure to take time for yourselves, right?”

The Heathers looked at Veronica’s mother with confused faces. 

Chandler recovered first. “Of course we do.” She smiled sweetly. “It’s just important to be well rounded, you know?”

“It looks good on a college app.” Duke added. 

“I’m just full of school spirit.” Mac grinned. 

Veronica laughed at that. 

The rest of the dinner went off without a hitch. The Heathers were perfectly perfect in every single way. Veronica wasn’t sure what had her so anxious in the first place, if The Heathers knew anything, it was how to put on a show. They’d even offered to clean up after dinner. By the time they’d left, Veronica was sure her parents would be under the same spell as the students of Westerburg High. 

“You liked them, right?” Veronica asked after she’d watched them leave in Duke’s Jeep. 

“Oh, they’re lovely girls.” Veronica’s mother said. “A little stiff, though. Were they nervous?”

“I don’t think they are physically capable of feeling nervous, Mom.”

* * *

“I’ve decided what we’re going to be.” Mac said, sitting down on Veronica’s desk once their Econ teacher gave them independent work time. 

“Oh really?” Veronica asked as Duke sat beside her and Chandler perched herself on Duke’s desk. “Was today’s lesson about resources and scarcity inspiring?”

Mac laughed at that. “No, I wasn’t listening to that at all.” She set her text book on her lap and began to fill out her worksheet. “I was too busy thinking about Rose McGowan in Jawbreaker.”

“I don’t understand the logic.” Veronica said. 

“She watched Jawbreaker last night and loves Rose McGowan.” Duke said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. 

“We had a whole conversation about it last night.” Chandler added. “I swear, Heather went on for hours about how she’s in love with Rose McGowan. I was getting kind of jealous, if I’m being honest.”

“Why would you be jealous?” Veronica asked, earning an annoyed glare from Chandler. 

“As I was saying,” Mac cut in. “I’ve decided that we’re going to be the Flawless Four from Jawbreaker.” 

“The original Flawless Four or the one with Fern?” Duke asked. 

“The original, duh.” Mac replied with a grin. 

Veronica frowned and tried to remember the last time she’d watched the movie, Jawbreaker. She’d watched it with Martha, who had a habit of talking through movies, and was never really able to get into it. She remembered being entertained, nonetheless. 

“And who’s gonna be who?” Chandler asked. 

“Well, I want to be Rose McGowan, obviously.” Mac said. 

“Heather, you don’t have brown hair.” Duke pointed out. 

“Wig technology exists.” Mac turned to Chandler with a pout. “Please let me be Rose McGowan. I never get to be the mean one.”

“They’re all mean, Heather.” Chandler was averting her eyes from Mac’s. She was desperately trying to avoid eye contact. 

“Come on, Heather.” Mac leaned into Chandler. “Please!” 

“Just let her be the bitch.” Veronica sighed. 

“Veronica is right, Heather.” Duke said, earning a glare from Chandler. She met the glare, not backing down. “Please.” She scoffed, smirking a little. “Heather already had you in her back pocket, it was just a matter of time.”

“It’s true.” Mac nodded. She whispered something into Chandler’s ear that made Chandler’s cheeks turn slightly pink. “I had you on the ropes.” She said at full volume. 

“So who are the rest of us gonna be?” Duke asked. “I don’t want to be the dead one.” 

“No one wants to be the dead one!” Veronica had to struggle to keep her voice down. 

“Veronica has to be Rebecca Gayheart.” Mac said quickly. “She’s the tallest, and so is Julie.” She looked between Duke and Chandler. “One of you has to be the dead one.”

Chandler and Duke stared each other down for what felt like almost a full minute before Chandler spoke. 

“I sure as hell am not going to be  _ Foxy _ .” She said confidently. “So I guess I’ll be the murder victim.”

“You’d rather be dead than Foxy?” Veronica asked, unable to keep the laughter out of her voice. 

“I just figure that at some point during the night, you guys are going to have to carry my limp body around during the party.” Chandler shrugged. “And I, for one, think that sounds very fun.” 

“Oh yeah, we’re definitely gonna haul you around!” Mac nodded excitedly. “We have to make you a jawbreaker lump and everything!”

“Well, now that we have that settled,” Chandler snatched Duke’s worksheet from her and began to look it over. “Let’s get this assignment done.”

“How many times have you guys even watched Jawbreaker?”

* * *

Signing up to chaperone kids while they go trick or treating turned out to be a better idea than Veronica had originally thought. The rules were simple, each chaperone was to be assigned four kids, sent out with their group for two hours, then had to return their four kids to the adult in charge. She didn’t even have to deal with parents, and it was even encouraged for groups to go together. 

“I can’t believe that this was basically a two hour walk through the neighborhood with my friends.” Veronica asked Chandler for clarification as she and her group joined The Heathers’. “It can’t possibly be this easy.”

“It is.” Chandler nodded, stuffing her hands into the pockets of her jacket. “All we have to do is not die of frostbite.”

“I told you to bring mittens.” Mac said, turning around. She had been walking a little ways in front of the group and had to walk backward to show off the thick, yellow mittens she was wearing. They each had a little, red triceratops on them. 

“Yes, I know, but I didn’t listen, so here we are.” Chandler rolled her eyes. 

“I wore mine.” Duke said from Chandler’s other side. She showed off her own pair of mittens, they were green with bears on them. “You should have worn yours.” She looked at Chandler with a smirk. “Your Nana worked so hard on them.”

“Your Nana made you all mittens?” Veronica couldn’t help but laugh a little at the thought. She couldn’t picture what Heather Chandler’s grandmother was like. “That’s adorable.”

“Yeah, her Nana’s pretty cool.” Duke shrugged. “She’s way better than my grandma.”

“What’s wrong with your grandma?” Veronica asked. If Duke’s grandmother was anything like her mother, she could understand why Duke didn’t care for her.

“She’s really sweet, but also really religious.” Duke replied as they stopped outside of a group of houses. “When she came to America, she got really into Jesus. And she’s really hateful about the weirdest stuff. Like she’ll go off about women with short hair and we always have to be like ‘What would Jesus say about you having so much hate in your heart?’ And then she gets all teary eyed.”

Veronica frowned. “I don’t know what I expected, but it wasn’t that.” 

“Her grandma doesn’t even look at me whenever I’m around her.” Mac added. 

“That’s because she hates the Irish.” Duke shrugged. “I told you not to use your last name when you first met her.”

“I was nine. She threw a potato at me before asking me if I liked being a part of the IRA.” Mac grimaced. 

“This is really putting a lot of pieces of the puzzle together.” Veronica laughed. “It just explains so much.” She turned to Chandler. “Please tell us more about your Nana that knits you and your friends adorable mittens.”

“Hers have stars on them.” Duke smiled. 

Chandler sighed. “She’s a ridiculously old and rickety lady who’s horrible to everyone except for me because I’m the baby of the family and I have the most pinchable cheeks of all her grandchildren. And my complexion is perfectly peaches and cream that she could just eat up.” She smiled a little. “I’m her favorite.” 

“Every answer brings more questions.” Veronica couldn’t help but laugh. 

Veronica watched as their groups of kids returned to the four of them with grins on their painted up faces. The smallest one, a girl who was dressed as a witch, ran up to Veronica. 

“They gave me two pieces!” She said with a smile that showed off her lost tooth. “Do you want the other one?”

Veronica felt her heart break a little at how cute this kid was. “That’s so sweet of you!” She took a fun sized candy bar from the little girl’s hand and gestured to another group of houses. “We should try and hit as many houses as possible before we have to get you to your parents. Don’t you want a huge haul?”

The little girl and the rest of the group all nodded. 

“Then we’d better motor!” Mac announced, bouncing a little on the balls of her feet. 

The kids cheered as Veronica and The Heathers led them toward the next group of houses. 

“We need to think about heading back soon. We don’t want the kids to be late.” Chandler said. 

“Good, every minute I spend not watching the first or second Scream is a minute wasted.” Mac said, earning a nod from Duke. 

“And I Know What You Did Last Summer.” Duke added. 

“Do you guys just really like movies that have Sarah Michelle Gellar in them?” Veronica asked. 

“We  _ love _ SMG.” Chandler said. “Heather changed her house’s voicemail to ‘Omega Beta Zeta, you’ve reached The McNamaras.’”

“My dad still hasn’t noticed.” Mac grinned, turning around as their groups ran up to them. “Whatcha guys get? Anything good?” 

Veronica watched in horror as the children slowly pulled toothbrushes out of their candy sacks. “Now that’s just awful.” She said. 

“People like that need to be stopped.” Chandler said, crossing her arms. “What do you guys say we head back to the school? Maybe hit some houses we might have missed on the way back?”

The kids let out a little cheer before heading off in the school’s direction. Veronica and The Heathers trailed behind them, they were chattering about how excited to get back to Mac’s place. Veronica listened as they walked, she’d normally love to join them, but when she’d asked her parents if she could go over, they’d told her that just because it was a holiday didn’t mean it wasn’t a school night. Her curfew was still in effect unfortunately. 

They made it back to the school a few minutes before eight and filled out their child return paperwork. It almost felt like they were returning books at the library. Except instead of a fine for a late return, she would be suspended and probably charged with child endangerment. 

“Your parents said it was okay for you to come to Kurt’s party, right?” Chandler asked while Duke and Mac turned their children in. “Because we’ll look really fucking stupid without you.”

“Don’t worry.” Veronica said, leaning against the lockers. “My mom was actually kind of worried that I’d be depressed and lonely because Martha’s gonna be out of town this weekend. And my dad just kept reminding me to call him if anything happens and that I wouldn’t get in trouble if I did.”

“You know that’s a lie, right?” Chandler crossed her arms. “That’s what they always say, then you call them and next thing you know, you’re grounded into next month after being screamed at for an hour straight.” She let out a humorless laugh. “Not the kind of family bonding I was hoping for.”

Veronica almost told Chandler that her parents, unlike Chandler’s, were good and normal parents. Almost. Instead she just hummed an acknowledgement. “I’ll keep that in mind.” 

Chandler nodded. “I look ridiculous in my costume, by the way.” She said after glancing toward Mac and Duke. “Heather’s lucky she’s cute, otherwise I would not have agreed to be a murder victim wearing skimpy pajamas for Halloween.” 

Veronica smiled a little at that. “What did you want to be?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Chandler shrugged. “It was Heather’s turn to pick.”

“You guys are kinda cute, you know.” Veronica gently shoved Chandler’s shoulder.

“Of course we are.” Chandler scoffed. “Don’t let it get around though, we’ve got a reputation.”

“Cross my heart.”

* * *

Stepping into Kurt Kelly’s Halloween party was awkward to say the least, and not just because their terrible date was still in the back of Veronica’s mind. It was mostly due to Heather Chandler’s insistence that she, the dead body of the group, should be carried into the house like it happened in the movie. So there Veronica was holding Chandler’s legs, while Mac supported her middle and Duke had her under the arms, hobbling up to Kurt Kelly’s front door just so Chandler could get the entrance she wanted. 

It was so dramatic and stupid that Veronica didn’t even really mind it. 

People turned to watch them as they carried Chandler over the threshold and into the house. A few guys wolf whistled at them as they hobbled by, Veronica was sure it was more due to Chandler’s outfit, or lack thereof. The girl she was dressed as only wore a pair of panties and a tank top in the scene Veronica and The Heathers were recreating, and Chandler was definitely going for accuracy with her outfit. It had taken the combined efforts of Veronica and the other Heathers to convince Chandler to wear a pair of flesh colored tights,

“Aren’t you glad you wore those tights?” Duke grunted as she readjusted her gip. “It’s cold as fuck outside and you’re basically in a tanktop and panties.”

“Shut up, I’m supposed to be dead.” Chandler replied, not opening her eyes.

“Then stop wiggling.” Veronica demanded, trying to maintain her grip on Chandler’s legs. “When can we put you down? I swear, you are the worst murder victim ever.”

“I don’t mind carrying her.” Mac said, she was smirking a little. 

“That’s because your hand hasn’t left my ass since you guys picked me up.” Chandler snapped. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed.”

“I swear to god I’m going to drop you if you don’t shut up.” Duke groaned. 

“So, uh, what’re you supposed to be?” Kurt asked, approaching with a tray of jello shots. Veronica had no idea what his costume was supposed to be, but it involved being shirtless. “No wait, let me guess... You’re...” He paused and took a closer look at Chandler’s neck. “What the fuck is on your neck?”

“It’s a jawbreaker.” Chandler replied, kicking her legs a little. “Veronica, put me down.” 

Veronica obliged and dropped Chandler’s legs so she could stand up fully. The giant lump on her throat was unsettling due to the amount of time Chandler had spent making it look as real as possible. She looked like a real choking victim. 

“Well, you ladies look great.” Kurt said, not taking his eyes off Chandler. “Maybe I’ll be able to unmask you later? See the woman beneath the costume...?”

It had to have taken all of Chandler’s self control not to vomit all over Kurt at that line. He must have been thinking of that since before the party. 

“Anyway,” Kurt continued, shoving the jello shots forward. “You all need a jello shot! I made them myself!”

Veronica almost scowled at the memory of her first jello shot, but took one anyway. Maybe this time she wouldn’t end up spilling half of it down her face. “Thanks, Kurt.” She said as he wandered away, offering his shots to anyone with an open hand. “How the hell do I eat this thing without spilling all over myself?”

Mac laughed and took Veronica’s shot out of her hand. “First you have to loosen the mold.” She said, squeezing the shot container before passing it back to Veronica. “Then you either use your finger or your tongue to guide it into your mouth and slurp it into your mouth.”

“You could use a spoon too, but then you’d have to make the walk of shame to the kitchen.” Chandler supplied before downing her shot. “I use my tongue because I don’t want to have to deal with having a mess on my hands.”

Duke followed suit. “Same here, but you might want to try using your finger for your first real try.” She looked like she was trying not to laugh. 

Mac rolled her eyes. “Just finger the shot a little, it’ll loosen it up.” She started poking at her own shot to demonstrate. “Once you have it nice and loose from the fingering, you tilt your head back and just let it slide down your throat.” She downed the shot quickly before smiling. “See? One day, you’ll be able to just do it with your tongue, but you need to get used to it.”

Veronica did as Mac instructed and poked her shot probably a little too roughly before tipping her head back and letting it slide into her mouth. It tasted a lot better than the first one she’d taken, that was for sure. And she didn’t lose half of the shot either. It still tasted like crap though.

“Kurt cannot make a jello shot to save his life.” Duke said with a shake of her head. 

“It’s because he doesn’t let them cool long enough.” Chandler said, linking arms with Veronica and pulling her toward the backyard while the others followed. “They don’t set properly and they start to separate.” 

“And it’s gross.” Duke scowled. 

“Where are we going?” Veronica asked. 

“We’re going to the keg!” Mac grinned, throwing an arm around Duke. “Gotta get this party started!”

Kurt’s Halloween party was very similar to the party at Ram’s house earlier in the year, except everyone was in some kind of costume. There had to be at least fourteen Batmans running around and twice as many girls dressed as cats, what surprised Veronica the most was how many bumble bees there were wandering around. She didn’t know that was a popular costume at all, and yet there they were. 

“There are a lot of bees.” Mac said, passing Veronica a red solo cup. 

“And Batmans.” Veronica nodded, taking a big swig of her beer and scowling. It was god awful. “Will beer ever taste better?”

“No.” Duke shook her head. “It’ll always taste like death. Sorry. Don’t worry, though, we’re not staying here all night.”

“What’re we doing after this?” Veronica asked. “A seance in a graveyard? Break into an abandoned house?”

“First off,” Chandler said with a scoff. “Did you learn all of your pastimes from teen movies?” Veronica’s cheeks heated up a little. “Second of all, it’s not even actually Halloween, so spooky shit isn’t even really on the table at this point. We’re going to take advantage of my parents being away and after-party at mine.” 

“Oh cool.” Veronica nodded. “How come we’re here then?”

“Because I look fucking good.” Chandler gestured to her outfit. “And it would be a waste not to show off a little.” She took a sip of her beer. 

“Why didn’t you throw a party then?” Veronica asked. “You’d be able to take advantage of your parents being out, and show off.”

“I don’t want all these people at my house.” Chandler replied, gesturing around her. Everything was a huge mess already, there was trash everywhere and someone was vomiting in a decorative vase. “Look what they’re doing here. I don’t want that at my house. I’d be the one who has to clean it up!” She looked disgusted at the thought. 

“And I don’t want to have to help you.” Duke added, grimacing when a junior boy ran into the room shouting. 

“Heather!” He pointed at the group. “Down in one!” 

The phrase inspired everyone around them to start chanting. “Down in one! Down in one!”

Mac shrugged and tipped her head back, finishing her drink in one gulp. She gave Duke a little shove. 

Duke rolled her eyes and followed suit, looking to Chandler when she was done. “Down in one, Heather.” 

Chandler wrinkled her nose and finished her drink. This earned a large cheer from everyone before they went back to their own business. 

“I hate that.” Chandler scowled, filling her cup again. 

“What’d Kurt even get, PBR?” Mac passed her cup to Chandler for it to be filled again. 

“I don’t know how you can even tell, all beer tastes like asparagus piss.” Duke grumbled as she held her own cup out for a refill. 

Veronica’s nose wrinkled at that. “That’s the worst thing I’ve ever heard, Heather.” She said. “Congrats.”

Duke raised her cup in a mock salute with a dry smile. “Glad to be of service.”

The party was pumping and it looked like Kurt and Ram were being kept entertained by a pair of cheerleaders. Or a pair of girls who were dressed as cheerleaders. Those two seemed to be the only two guys at the school who felt confident enough to approach The Heathers, so they were mostly left alone during the party. This allowed them to do shots without someone making a blow job joke, Veronica had even been able to watch Duke do a body shot off of Chandler without having to hear a threesome joke being made. By a guy at least.

“I would love to get in the middle of that.” Mac muttered, Veronica assumed it was to herself. 

“I don’t think there’s anything stopping you.” 

* * *

Veronica stumbled into Chandler’s house, her legs sort of felt like jelly and she had to use Mac and Duke for support. She was definitely drunk, she’d done a lot of tequila shots at Kurt’s party, it took her a few tries to remember what order she was supposed to do them in. Just the thought made her break down in a fit of giggles. 

“What’s so funny?” Mac asked with a little smile as she and Duke started to drag Veronica up the stairs. 

“I don’t know how to drink tequila.” Veronica giggled, putting all of her weight on Mac. “How c-come I’m just... so thrashed and you’re not?”

“Because you insisted on taking shots until you got it right.” Chandler said as she locked the front door. “Do you want to borrow some pajamas?”

Veronica laughed again. “I-I never got the shots right... d-did I?” She paused. “Salt, lime, shot. Right?”

“Wrong.” Duke grunted. “Why is it that I’m stuck carrying people around all night? First Heather and now Veronica? Next year, I’m the one who’s getting carried around.”

“What am I, a pack mule?” Mac muttered. 

Veronica was led into a spare bedroom before Mac and Duke all but threw her onto the bed. “Aren’t you supposed to buy me dinner before you take me to bed?” She giggled. 

“Do you want some pajamas or not?” Chandler demanded. “I’m not asking three times.”

“Why do I need pajamas?” Veronica asked, trying to sit up before falling back down again. “Whoops.” She giggled at that. “We’re supposed to be after-partying!” She sat back up and threw her hands in the air.

“I’m going to push you back down and if you can sit up again, we’ll after-party.” Mac said before shoving Veronica’s forehead back. 

The rest of her body followed head and she fell back onto the bed. She tried to get back up, but every part of her, not just her legs, felt like jelly. Besides the bed was so comfortable, there was no point in getting back up. 

“I live here now.” Veronica mumbled, closing her eyes. “This is my life.”

“Heather, go get a big t-shirt from my dresser.” Chandler sighed. “We’re gonna have to get her into some pajamas or she’ll bitch about it in the morning.” 

The last thing Veronica heard before she fell asleep was Duke and Mac agreeing before a door slammed shut. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://dazedimg-dazedgroup.netdna-ssl.com/756/azure/dazed-prod/1260/3/1263444.JPG 
> 
> In case anyone was wondering what their costume looked like as they hauled Chandler around during the party.


	7. Sharks in the Water

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me a very long time to post this one, sorry about that guys. There are a lot of references in here to another piece of media, if anyone knows what it is, hit me up because definitely need to hang.

Veronica was standing with Martha at their lockers before class when two girls walked their way. Veronica knew them well enough, Jane and Ashley were their names and Veronica was sure that if it weren’t for The Heathers, they would be good candidates for the top of the food chain at Westerburg. They were chattering about something, only to slow when they saw Veronica and Martha. Jane turned to Ashley and whispered something to her, Veronica was just close enough to hear the term “Dump-Truck” being used. 

Ashley laughed at that before she and Jane started to walk off again. Veronica watched them for a moment, she felt fury build inside of her. How dare they act like that toward Martha? Nothing gave them the right to be this way and all Veronica wanted to do was tell them that. Maybe she also wanted to slap them across their stupid faces as well, but that would probably result in a suspension of some kind. 

Veronica didn’t care about missing school, but a suspension would probably affect her college prospects. 

“Hold that thought.” Veronica said to Martha before she headed toward the two girls. 

She wasn’t quite sure what she was going to say, all Veronica knew was that she was furious. The girls were barely four steps ahead of Veronica, she only needed three seconds to catch up to them. 

“Hey!” Veronica said as sharply as she could manage. 

The two girls turned around and gave Veronica, both looking slightly annoyed by Veronica’s intrusion. 

“Veronica, right?” Jane asked, her tone almost dismissive already. “What’s up?”

Veronica took a second to think of what Heather Chandler would say if she were here. She had to think of something cutting and intimidating to say. 

“I must have heard you guys wrong just now.” That probably wasn’t the most intimidating thing she could say, but Veronica stood by that. “I mean, I didn’t just hear you both call my best friend Martha Dump-Truck, did I?”

Jane and Ashley both scoffed and Ashley rolled her eyes. 

“I know you may think you’re at the top of the untouchable now that you’re The Heathers’ little lap dog,” Ashley said, crossing her arms and straightening her back. “So I’m gonna give you some free advice. Ditch the loser if you know what’s good for you. The Heathers can only keep you safe for so long if all you do is commit social suicide.”

Jane laughed and with that the two girls turned and sauntered off. 

Veronica stood in the hallway, frozen. Did she really think that just because The Heathers let her hang out with them, it meant that everything would be perfect for everyone? She had no real power at this school, no one respected or feared her like they did The Heathers. Sure, she was left alone by the masses, but what good was that when her best friend still got bullied? How many times had this happened when Veronica was too busy hanging out with The Heathers to notice any kind of torment? 

“Let it go, Veronica.” Martha’s voice snapped her out of her thoughts. She sounded dejected, Veronica knew that Martha was used to this kind of thing. That just made it even worse. “It’s not a big deal. And we're about to be late to class.”

“Who the fuck do they think they are?” Veronica was seething. 

“Let it go.” Martha repeated. “It doesn’t matter.”

Veronica nodded. “Fine, I’ll let it go.” She lied, walking with Martha to their history class. 

* * *

The Heathers were already seated at their lunch table in the center of the cafeteria when Veronica arrived for lunch. She hadn’t felt this nervous about speaking to them since the first day they’d met. Veronic kept telling herself that she didn’t need to be nervous, that what she was going to be asking for was normal enough for friends to ask for. Right?

Veronica paused when she got to the table, the cafeteria was loud and The Heathers rarely paid attention to anyone. They hadn’t noticed her yet. Duke was reading aloud as Mac and Chandler listened. When they’d first met, Veronica would have thought they were bored and not paying attention, but now after knowing them now it was clear that they were very interested in whatever Duke was reading to them.

“-The unknown fixed on the young man one of those looks which penetrate into the depth of the heart and thoughts.” Duke was reading when Veronica cleared her throat to announce her presence. 

“Hey Veronica.” Mac gave Veronica a little wave. “How’s it going?”

“I crave a boon.” Veronica blurted, earning confused looks from the three girls. 

“A boon?” Chandler asked, raising an eyebrow. “What kind of boon? And also why are you talking like I’m a pirate captain in the sixteen hundreds?”

Veronica could have hit herself for her phrasing. Of course Chandler would call her out on talking like a historical figure. “Well...” Veronica paused. “I need you guys to help me with something.”

“Generally that’s what a boon is,” Duke said, putting her book down. “Why are you still standing?”

“And why are you acting like you’re asking for a favor from the mafia?” Mac asked with a furrowed brow. 

Veronica sat down, she couldn’t help but fiddle with her skirt when she did so. 

“Just spit it out.” Chandler sighed, she looked bored. “Seriously, with the way you’re acting, it’s like you want us to help you dispose of a body.”

“Oh I know!” Mac said excitedly. “We get some liquid nitrogen, douse the body in it, shatter the body into tiny chunks, then throw them into different dumpsters all over town. That way no one will find the body, no body no crime.”

“Does the FBI need to put you on some kind of list?” Duke laughed, looking at Mac fondly. 

“Or acid.” Mac added after some thought. 

“Acid?” Duke leaned forward, she looked more interested in a hypothetical body dump than she did with this entire conversation. “What kind of acid?”

“Shut up, Heather.” Chandler said, snapping their attention back to the conversation at hand, before looking pointedly at Veronica. “Speak now, Veronica.”

“Some girls have been being mean to Martha and I can’t stop them.” Veronica blurted out, this seemed to pique The Heathers’ interest a little. “I need your help so they can leave Martha alone. They don’t listen to me, but everyone listens to you guys. I just... I don’t know what to do short of using violence. Please make them leave Martha alone.”

The Heathers were quiet for a few moments, their faces almost unreadable as they exchanged glances. 

“First off,” Chandler said finally in a particularly disinterested tone that made Veronica want to scream. “Violence really isn’t the answer. Not for you, at least. I could get away with slapping someone across the face, but you definitely couldn’t. For me it would be putting someone in their place, for you... Everyone would just say that a former freak became unhinged. Not a good look.”

Veronica opened her mouth to speak, to tell Chandler that she hadn’t asked if she could ever get away with slapping a person. But Chandler simply held up her hand to keep her from speaking. 

“As for the Martha situation,” She continued. “Did she ask you to help her?”

“What?” Was all that came out of Veronica’s mouth. 

“Did Martha ask for your help?” Duke repeated Chandler’s question. 

“No, she didn’t.” Veronica replied. What did Martha asking her for help have anything to do asking The Heathers for help? “What does that have to do with anything? My friend is being harassed, I have the resources to help end that harassment. If I don’t help her, then I’m doing her a disservice.”

“You feel guilty.” Chandler said after a moment. “You have some powerful new friends so people are afraid to mess with you. But our umbrella doesn’t cover Martha, and that gives you nasty, little tummy rumbling.” She paused and took in a breath. “As for these girls, you have to think about how it’s going to look if we come running to her defense.”

“How’s it going to look, Heather?” Veronica’s blood was boiling. Chandler could have just given her a yes or no answer, but for some reason she decided that this had to be a learning opportunity. 

“Like we give a shit.” Chandler said with a sigh. “And like Martha can’t handle her shit. We storm up to these girls and demand that they leave Martha alone, she’ll have a week, maybe two, tops. But we can’t and won’t hover over Martha’s shoulder everywhere she goes. We don’t have classes or lunch with her. And our lockers are on the other end of the hall. We have no way to ensure that whatever happened to Martha won’t happen again.” 

“What are you saying?” Veronica had to clench her jaw to keep from yelling at Chandler. 

“What I’m saying is that anything we do would be a bandaid.” Chandler replied. “We’d have to rely on your friend tattling to us whenever someone is mean to her. Which then makes all of our actions reactive rather than proactive. Meaning, we’d be playing cleanup. Not running maintenance.”

“So you’re saying you can’t do anything?” Veronica demanded. 

“We never said that.” Mac said, her face was just as unreadable as the others’. 

“Then please stop giving me a high school politics lesson and please just tell me you can do something!” Veronica snapped. 

“If you understood high school politics better, you wouldn’t be in this situation.” Duke replied with more venom than Veronica could ever hope to muster. Her eyes were sharp and her glare was almost painful. “But here we are, so let Heather talk.”

“We can make their lives miserable.” Chandler said, taking her cue from Duke. “Punish them. Retribution and all that. But... It can’t be us telling them why. If we do that, we lose power. We lose power, and next thing we know, we’re...” She glanced at Mac.

“Heather McNa-Moron.” Mac sighed. 

“Or Heather Dyke.” Duke added. “Or Heather Puke, if my hypothetical tormentor isn’t a homophobe.”

“The downside is that if they’re miserable, then they might take it out on Martha.” Chandler continued. “Now, I can think of worse things to do to a person than just a mean nickname that rolls right off the tongue.”

“Especially with all the ammo she just hands out.” Duke added. “No offense.”

“So it’s up to you.” Chandler folded her hands in front of her on the table. Her pose, her perfect posture, the sharp look in her eye, it all made her look like a supervillain. “Give me the names and I will make their lives pure hell. Or, you let it go, respect Martha’s wishes, and we never speak of this again.”

The way Duke and Mac sat beside her, one on each side, their eyes boring holes into Veronica as she considered the offer, they were like a group of sharks. And Veronica was about to chum the waters. 

Veronica thought for a moment. Was she really just feeling guilty about her newfound friendship? And even if she was feeling guilty, what did it matter? Her friend was suffering, and she had the means to help her. It was wrong not to help her. Wasn’t it? Martha had to have told her to let it go because she didn’t want to be a bother. Veronica had to help her friend. 

“Martha can never know.” Veronica said finally. “None of this gets back to her.”

“Veronica, I can confidently say that I’ve never knowingly spoken a word to your friend.” Chandler said. “Honestly, before this year, I probably wouldn’t have been able to pick her out of a line up. There’s no way this would get to her.”

“I’m not even sure who we’re talking about, if I’m being honest.” Mac said, turning to Chandler. “Isn’t she Harvey Dinsmore’s sister?”

“What?” Veronica frowned. “We’re talking about Martha Dunnstock, not Leslie Dinsmore.”

“Please just give us the names and stop being so dramatic.” Duke sighed in a bored tone. “This isn’t the fucking Godfather. Just spit it out already. Not everything has to be a big production”

“Jane Derringer and Ashley Evans.” Veronica said quickly. 

“Ashley’s on the cheer team.” Chandler said, turning to Mac. “See what you can do.”

“I’ll have her running extra suicides this week.” Mac said. “Trisha Cappelletti, from Northpoint Catholic, told me that she got a nose-job the summer before she transferred to Westerburg last year. I could make a couple calls. Ashley was on their squad, they’re bound to have photos. Post them all over the school. Trisha owes me a favor, she won’t tell.”

“You’re sure she won’t tell?” Duke asked, she looked suspicious. 

“Completely.” Mac nodded. “I loaned her my lalas at a competition last year after she... uh... had an incident with hers.”

“That’s too much too fast, suicides are fine though.” Chandler nodded knowingly. “She doesn’t have anything on you, does she?”

“The only people who have anything on me are at this lunch table.” Mac rolled her eyes. “And I could take you all down with me if I wanted to.”

Veronica frowned at that. Eating lunch with these girls was like eating lunch with members of the KGB.

“As for Jane...” Chandler said, turning to Duke. “Did you hear that she’s been cheating on Jake Devaran with Alex McMinnimen?”

“I sure did.” Duke said, opening her book again. “I also heard that she’s missed her last period. Her and Jake apparently haven’t done anything yet, but it would really be a shame if a rumor started about her getting pregnant.”

“Oh that’s fun.” Chandler smirked. “Let’s stagger these rumors. Spread the cheating shit around for a week or so, then we’ll start on telling everyone that she’s about to be rocking a fetus fanny pack a little bit later.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Mac said, clapping her hands together. “We should get tacos!”

“Oh man, from that authentic place on Main?” Duke replied with a nod. “Definitely. I’d kill or die for their pork tacos.”

Veronica sat there for a moment with her mouth agape. How could they be so casual about this? It was like they already had a plan for what they were going to do. Did they just have an issue with these two girls already? Or did they have a plan for how they were going to take down everyone at Westerburg? 

“You guys never asked what they did.” She said, making the three of them look up at her again. 

“Does it matter?” Mac asked before taking a sip from her chocolate milk. 

* * *

The library at Westerburg High School was not used often, mostly due to Westerburg not having an actual librarian, making it impossible to check books out of the library. Veronica had asked several teachers on more than one occasion if she could borrow a book for her studies, only to be told that she needed to come in on her own time to read in the facility itself. Unfortunately for Veronica, there weren’t any faculty members willing to stay behind to supervise a reading teenager. 

The Heathers, as it turned out, were much more persuasive when it came to convincing faculty to stay behind and supervise them. Or rather, the group had been given a key by the principal after they had promised not to steal anything. Veronica wasn’t sure that was a very good system.

“When the hell are we going to get a damn color copier at this school?” Duke muttered as she and Chandler made copies of the photo that Mac had been able to procure using her cheerleading connections after over a month or so of waiting. 

“I don’t think anyone’s going to care about the color.” Chandler said, grabbing a stack of freshly printed papers. “Did you get the tape, Heather?” She looked over to the table that Mac was sitting on.

Mac held up three rolls of masking tape with a smile. “Got it.”

“Good.” Chandler nodded. “I think five hundred copies should be enough. We should get these posted.” She passed everyone a stack of flyers. “Heather, you do the second floor and the gym, and Heather, you do the junior and senior hallway. Veronica, you come with me, we’ll cover the freshman wing. Once we’re done, we’ll meet up at the cafeteria. Make sure that you save at least ten copies each, I want the cafeteria covered in these.”

“Got it.” Duke gave Chandler a mock salute before leaving.

“See ya.” Mac said, practically skipping out of the library. 

This left Chandler and Veronica alone to do their work. Veronica’s work was essentially just following Chandler around and holding her papers for her. She also was apparently the lookout too, though the school was already locked up, so Veronica wasn’t sure why that job was needed. 

“You know, it was only a matter of time before Ashley Evans and Jane Derringer crossed a line.” Chandler said once they’d finished plastering the freshman lockers with Ashley Evans’ pre nose-job face and were headed to the cafeteria. “They always forget that they don’t exist in a vacuum. Like come on guys, your actions have consequences. Unfortunately for them, it’s apparently my job to teach them this lesson.”

Veronica couldn’t argue with that statement. 

“The thing is, Veronica,” Chandler continued as she began posting flyers all over the cafeteria. “Real life sucks you dry, if you want to fuck with the eagles you have to learn to fly. And do you know how birds learn to fly?”

“They get pushed out of the nest.” Veronica replied. 

“And some of them fly, others just fall and die.” Chandler nodded, she taped a flyer to the vending machine. 

“Thanks for the life advice, Mother Goose.” Veronica said. 

“Oh shut up, everyone knows that people remember shit better if it rhymes.” Chandler snapped before tapping the vending machine twice.“You want a pop? I’m buying.”

“Sure.” Veronica shrugged. “I’ll have a-”

“I’m gonna guess.” Chandler said quickly, shoving a bill into the machine. “You look like you drink Dr. Pepper. No offense.”

“I mean, I do drink Dr. Pepper, but why would I be offended?” Veronica asked, watching as Chandler hit two buttons at the same time. “And what the everloving fuck are you doing?”

“Well, it’s no fun if I just buy you a drink.” Chandler said as a bottle fell and clanged at the bottom of the machine. “Think of it as a game of roulette. Either you get the Dr. Pepper that you crave, or you get milk.”

“Milk? From the vending machine?” Veronica furrowed her brow. “Why is there milk in the vending machine?”

“I don’t know.” Chandler shrugged. “But I don’t know how often they change out the machine gets restocked. So are you feeling lucky?”

“Why are you like this?” Veronica asked, bending down to grab her drink. 

“Do you want a joke answer or do you want to hear all about my childhood traumas?” Chandler replied sarcastically. 

Veronica chose to ignore that and grabbed the bottle, scowling when she saw that it was a bottle of milk. Regular, white milk. It wasn’t even chocolate. This was such a disappointment. Veronica scowled at Chandler, who was not even bothering to hide her laughter. 

“Dude, you just wasted a dollar.” Veronica said, tossing the milk into the garbage can. “And for what? Two seconds of laughter?”

“Worth it.” Chandler was cackling. “Wanna try again? What’re the odds you get milk twice?”

“Do me a favor and never go to Vegas.” Came the voice of Duke as she and Mac entered the cafeteria. 

“There go my weekend plans.” Chandler rolled her eyes and fed the machine another bill. “Who wants to try their luck? Veronica?” She met Veronica’s eye. “Double or nothing? If it’s a Dr. Pepper, I’ll get you a second one. If it’s milk, you have to open it up and take a sip.” 

“Don’t do it, Veronica.” Mac said, crossing her arms and leaning against the table. “I once got the milk and she made me take a sip.” She scowled. “Gross.”

Chandler smirked. “Tick tock, Veronica.” 

“Fine.” Veronica shrugged. What was the worst that could happen? She’d take a sip of something gross, it wasn’t like it was her own money she was wasting. 

Chandler slammed both buttons and a bottle clanged down. “What do you think it’s gonna be?” She bent down to grab the bottle and her smirk became almost predatory. “I am so happy.”

Veronica scowled when Chandler placed a bottle of milk in her hand. “You’re a dick.”

“You made a bet.” Chandler said, her eyes narrowing. “Now sip the probably bad milk or I’ll shove the entire bottle up your growler.”

Veronica wanted to ask Chandler what the fuck a growler was, but on another level, she absolutely did not want to find out. She wrinkled her nose and opened the lid of the bottle before lifting it to her lips and taking the smallest sip possible. The unmistakable taste of sour milk slipped into her mouth and Veronica almost gagged before throwing the bottle into the trash. 

“You suck.” Veronica groaned, digging into her pocket and pulling out a bill. She got herself a Dr. Pepper to wash the taste away. 

“You made your choice.” Chandler shrugged, turning to the others. “You guys get good coverage?” 

Duke and Mac nodded, both looking smug. 

“I can’t wait to see Ashley’s face tomorrow.” Mac said gleefully. 

“Are we ready to go?” Duke asked, glancing around the cafeteria with a frown. “This place gives me the creeps at night.”

“Yep.” Chandler nodded, gathering her things and heading toward the doors. “You guys wanna grab some food then head to mine?” 

“Sure thing!” Mac replied, following Chandler out. She was practically skipping. 

Duke and Veronica followed last, walking a little slower than Mac was. 

“What the fuck is a growler?” Veronica asked Duke. 

* * *

Veronica walked into Westerburg with her head held high, there was a certain amount of power that came with knowing someone else’s week would be absolutely ruined because she willed it to happen. As she walked to her locker, she heard a few people whispering about how they’d heard Jane was pregnant with a baby that wasn’t her boyfriend’s and saw the flyers with Ashley’s original nose on them. If these were different girls, if they hadn’t been blatantly mean to her best friend, Veronica would have felt sorry for them. But they made the mistake of insulting Martha right in front of Veronica, and for that they needed to be punished. 

“Hey Veronica.” Martha greeted Veronica when she got to her locker, she looked a little less than thrilled to see Veronica. 

“Hey Martha.” Veronica smiled. “How’s it going?”

“I’m all right.” Martha crossed her arms and leaned against the lockers, she fixed Veronica with a glare. “But I did hear a rumor. Apparently Jane Derringer is pregnant with Alex McMinnimen’s baby and everyone is going crazy about Ashley Evans’ nose.”

Veronica pretended to look surprised. “Oh wow, really? What’s up with her nose?”

“One of the reasons why you’re such an easy person to be friends with is because you’re such a terrible liar.” Martha deadpanned. 

Veronica felt a pit of dread form in her stomach. “What?”

“Veronica.” Martha sighed. “Do you really expect me to believe that it’s a coincidence that a little while after Ashely and Jane were mean to me, suddenly there are rumors and mean flyers going around? You got The Heathers to help you get revenge, didn’t you?”

“Well, look at you, Nancy Drew.” Veronica forced herself to laugh. 

Martha didn’t look amused. “Veronica, come on. This isn’t funny.”

“What was I supposed to do?” Veronica asked. “They were jerks to you and deserved to get a little blowback. I tried to stand up to them and make them stop, and all they did was laugh at me! So I reached out and got back at them.”

“Veronica.” Martha’s frown deepened. She didn’t look angry anymore, she looked disappointed. “But you stooped to their level. You’re no better than they are.”

Veronica rolled her eyes. That was exactly the kind of movie bullshit logic that she hated. It was what kept the hero from killing the villain, even after they’d absolutely mowed down groups and groups of the villains minions. It made no sense to Veronica on movie nights and it made no sense to her now. 

“That logic makes no sense.” Veronica replied. “You can’t just let people be jerks with no push back, letting them be mean to you isn’t an option. I’m not going to let my best friend keep getting hurt just so I can pat myself on the back for being the bigger person!”

“But that’s what I asked you to do.” Martha said. “This was my problem, not yours. And I wanted to rise above it. You didn’t listen to me. I told you to let it go and instead you got your friends to bully these girls. Now everyone knows that Ashley’s nose is fake and that Jane cheats on Jake with Alex. That’s way worse than being called Dump-truck once sometimes.” 

Veronica frowned. “Okay, I admit, it was kind of an escalation.” She nodded. “But-”

“No buts.” Martha interrupted. “You broke my trust and that’s not okay. Period. You’re in the wrong.”

With that, Martha turned her heel and walked away. Veronica watched her go, frozen in place. Did she and Martha just have a fight? She and Martha never fought, sure they’d had their disagreements, but never to the point of a storm off. 

It didn’t feel right at all. 

* * *

“Martha and I had a fight.” Veronica said when she sat at the lunch table. 

“And let me guess, you’re going to project your frustration with yourself at us?” Chandler asked, barely even looking at Veronica. “Because if that’s the case, don’t even bother. It’s so cliche and played out, and we established that you were going against her wishes when you asked us for this favor so-”

“Heather, I’m not mad at you.” Veronica said quickly, earning a glare from Chandler. 

“Don’t fucking interrupt me.” Chandler said in a low, dangerous voice. “Ever. Understood?”

“Right, I won’t.” Veronica replied with a nod. “Sorry, Heather.”

“It’s fine.” Chandler said, leaning forward onto her elbows. “So you and Martha had a fight because you went behind her back and got revenge on her behalf. Go on.”

“She’s mad because I didn’t listen to her, and I get that.” Veronica said with a frown. “But she wasn’t listening to me when I told her my side. I just don’t get why she’s mad. People were being mean to her and I had the power to stop it. What was I supposed to do? Watch my friend get hurt over and over again until graduation?”

“It sounds like a tough situation to be in.” Mac said in a noncommittal tone. “It sounds a lot like being between a rock and a hard place. I don’t know what I’d do.”

“That’s why I exclusively make friends with vindictive bitches.” Duke shrugged, unsurprisingly, Chandler and Mac smiled at the accusation. “If someone hurts these two, they’d love to see that person burn.”

“She’s right, I would.” Chandler nodded. 

“Maybe apologize to Martha.” Mac said softly. “You can’t really take back what happened, especially since I know for a fact that Heather, Heather, and I will not be cleaning those flyers up. But It sounds like you just hurt Martha’s feelings. Apologizing to her might be a good first step.” She paused. “Unfortunately you might need to have a talk with Martha about feelings.”

“Gross.” Chandler scowled. 

“Ditto.” Duke added.

Veronica groaned at the idea. That sounded like the worst possible solution. 

“You know, sometimes it’s kind of hard to deal with you guys and your emotional constipation.” Mac said with a frown. 

“Shut up, Heather.”

* * *

Veronica would rather eat glass than talk about her feelings. Fortunately for Martha, she loved her best friend more than she hated dumping all her emotions out in front of another person. Her friendship with Martha meant everything. 

So there she stood, on Martha’s doorstep after school. Veronica rang the doorbell, the sound of the ring seemed to kick start her heart into overdrive. She’d never been this nervous to speak to Martha before, then again, she’d never had Martha more than a little annoyed with her before. Logically, she knew there was no way that this was a friendship ending argument, but there was a little nagging voice in the back of her mind that kept telling her that if she said the wrong thing, they may never recover. 

It felt ridiculous to even think about.

“Hi, Veronica.” Martha said when she answered the door, opening it a little wider so Veronica could step in. “What’s up?”

“I’m sorry.” Veronica said the moment she stepped through Martha’s front door. “I didn’t mean to hurt you or make you feel like I don’t listen to you. I just didn’t want to see you hurting. Especially since I don’t get bothered so much anymore, ya know? I just... You know... I love you, I guess. So I didn’t want to see you get hurt.” 

“Oh.” Martha looked very surprised. “I don’t know what I was expecting.”

“Yeah, I kind of surprised myself if I’m being honest.” Veronica let out a nervous laugh. “But, you know me, I need to be the hero and save the day. I just... I let my feelings overshadow yours. That wasn’t cool of me.”

“No, it really wasn’t.” Martha replied, crossing her arms. “And I think I’m gonna still be mad for the rest of the night.”

“I understand.” Veronica nodded. 

“I’m not gonna lie, it sucks that you didn’t listen to me.” Martha smiled after a moment. “But you really pulled out the big guns for me, didn’t you? They called me a mean name and you basically ordered a mob hit on them.”

Veronica laughed. “I was just fighting fire with fire.”

“More like fighting minnows with sharks.” Martha replied. 

“Don’t say that around The Heathers, the next thing we’d know, they’d be arguing about what kind of sharks they are.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case anyone doesn't know lalas are, they're a short pair of spandex that match a cheerleader's uniform, they go over their panties so no one sees their underwear. Trust me, I used to be a cheerleader, I know these things.


End file.
